A Blessing Should Be On The Way (Optimism?)

77c4cd0648ced29229fac3e25a9b13d7last week was stress.

like…
where is the straight jacket?
so much went down that i felt i was about to lose my shit.
from:

the craziness that is my job
some shit that went down with work wolf
not being able to start my therapy

i literally felt myself falling off my mountain.
a mountain that i worked so hard recently to climb back up.
in a nut shell…

i don’t want to leave this job to go stress at another.
hell at least let me find one where it ties in with the foxhole.
i’m able to go to events/be “in the know” and write about it.
i was speaking to someone from a major fashion mag last week.
she always comes to see me whenever she visits.
when she walked up to my desk,
she saw that i was looking out of it.
i poured my heart out to her about being stuck.
she told me that just by my presence,
i am too big for this job.
hell at any “job” where i am not able to shine.
she understood what i meant and hugged me before she left.
it was worth a shot.
tumblr_n7a57jTb3c1rruuyro4_250right?

– it’s funny how when you start to let go,
you get “that text”.
i got the most ignorant text from work wolf.
he wanted me to help him find an outfit.
he said he would pay me.
i ignored him and he responded back 5 minutes later:

“i see you don’t like to hustle”

tumblr_ngnkw72V0g1ql5yr7o1_500he hasn’t spoken to me,
in a month,

but you want my help?
i nearly cussed his ass out to the white meat.
the next day,
i hit him up.
i ignored his request,
but i wanted answers on to why we are at this point.
he basically responded some more ignorant shit.
he claimed he “found someone else but thanks anyway”.
i felt disappointed in myself for even texting him.
i should of let it go,
but i didn’t.
i wanted him to admit or even apologize.
i felt like i failed myself.
i wasn’t being “strong” or “perfect”.

the therapist called me on thursday.
she does exist.
she was at another office and apologized.
she assumed that the automated responses said that.
oops,
her bad?
uyxevF3
after all of that back and forth,
she doesn’t take my insurance anyway.
i wasn’t in her “plan” of my coverage.
i called zocdoc and they had no luck finding a replacement.
everything was during the day or afternoon.
new yawk needs to get its shit together.
this city knows animals got jobs out here.
the entire fuck?
out of control.

after work thursday,
i went to duane reade because i wanted something to relax me.
i read up on herb pills called “rhodiola”.
they were supposed to help in stress and anxiety.
it wasn’t there,
but the pharmacist directed me to “valerian root” and “5-htp”.
i took them went i got home and those shits knocked me clean out.
i did wake up feeling more refreshed and “sunnier”.
groggy as fuck tho,
but i could handle it.
i been taking them over the weekend and i do feel a little calmer.
i’ll take one of each before bed and see what happens.
i won’t say they’re a permanent fix,
but it’s temporary until i figure out the solutions to my issues.

God:
grant a fox a couple supernatural blessings on the main line.
thanks.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

36 thoughts on “A Blessing Should Be On The Way (Optimism?)

  1. Noooo!!! Why did you hit him up?

    Sometimes we have to step outside of our attraction to men to think like one.

    Yes he probably wanted an outfit, but he also wanted to see if he still had an “in” with you.

    You took the bait when you asked for clarification of your friendship. A simple “I’m busy” would’ve sufficed if you couldn’t bring yourself to be rude enough to ignore him.

    It’s understandable though. It’s going to take a minute for you to really detox from him.

    Put it in perspective though:
    He didn’t ask you how you’ve been or what you going through. He asked for a favor despite him offering to pay. HE wasn’t concerned about “what you guys are”, he was concerned about an outfit.

    Marinate on that for a minute.

    You need to let him come to you sincerely and he probably will once he sees he doesn’t have a hold on you anymore. But as long as he knows you keeping the porch light for him he’s gonna continue drive by. That was a country ass metaphor but whatever lol

    1. ^it wasn’t my finest hour.

      i understood your metaphor clearly.
      you know how much i beat myself up for even responding.
      i really wish i didn’t,
      but i guess i wanted him to speak up so this could be explained.

      i feel really bad for responding to him jay.

  2. We talked so much shit about how stupid Karreuche was with Chris Brown but we need to learn from it.

    Homegirl was at all his trials defending him and standing by him at his lowest point and he turns around and goes back to Rihanna. Then he puts her on blast about their threesomes. She goes back to him anyway and he gets another chick in their circle pregnant.

    As long as he knew he could always get back in with her he mistreated her and threw her to the side.

    Now that’s she’s got a manager and she’s making moves without him he shows up to where she’s at trying to get her back and now he realizing it’s too late he’s throwing shade like a heartbroken David Ruffin queen.

    Dudes only miss you when they see you doing good or looking good without them. You’ve never given him time to miss you or your contribution to his life because you’re ready to reach out your whole arm after he only extends a pinky finger!

    I’m not just speaking to Jamari either, someone else needs to hear the same thing!

    1. ^you are absolutely right.

      you know how it feels like?
      i don’t have any power when i am much stronger than him.
      i’m not acting like it.
      i guess everything that has happened threw me off.
      it has me not myself.
      i hate not feeling like i’m in control of myself.
      hitting him up was a silly mistake,
      but thank god it’s simply a wound and not fatal.

    2. “Dudes only miss you when they see you doing good or looking good without them. You’ve never given him time to miss you or your contribution to his life because you’re ready to reach out your whole arm after he only extends a pinky finger!”

      ^JAY I’m not a church goer but you are up in here preaching truth after truth on this Sunday.

  3. ok

    this is how i felt this week.
    it was like one thing after another.
    i felt like i was walking into all kind of traps.
    taking those pills definitely enhanced it because i needed an escape than how i was feeling.

    1. Look, we’ve all fell for it. Trust!
      You might fall into his trap the next few times he tries to test to see if he can still open that door.
      When you’re really done you’ll just know it.
      That door will be locked and I can guarantee that’s when he’ll come correct and when you’ll have to make a decision if he’s even worthy of another chance.

      1. ^it’s just embarrassing because i took all his info out my phone.
        i was feeling good and making those moves.
        as soon as i saw this random number on my screen,
        i had a feeling it was him.
        when i read the message,
        i was absolutely disgusted with what he was asking me.
        the next day,
        i thought that was an “in” and i wanted answers.
        i got nothing but the ball being back in his court.
        smh.

  4. If I’m not mistaken this is the same lady you wrote about before that works at the fashion magazine, she seems like a good light whenever you write about her. No judgements here about opening up to her sometimes you got to take a shot and just go for it. Who knows what might swing your way because of it.

    As far as WW I agree with Jay he was baiting you and you took it. Which to be honest after not speaking for a month it was to be expected. The fact that texts you with help with an outfit was whack, this pineapple just wanted to see if he could still get in. You never made him pay before for your fashion services before so why now? Nah he didn’t know another way to hit you you do he did this last thing. Don’t worry about seeming like a fool because you asked him that question just remember this feeling and capture it so in the future you’ll know better.

    That therapist is totally unprofessional I think you dodged a bullet. Don’t give up just keep looking I’m sure there has to be a therapist who can see you after work or maybe on the weekends.

    1. ^the whole team on that staff is very nice.
      they keep asking me to come down there so they can show me around,
      but like the therapy shit,
      i work a full time gig and can’t get down there.
      i hope in the near future.

      i have no words about my part in that work wolf thing.
      i’m still regretting that move.

      by the sound of her voice,
      i don’t think we would have been a good fit anyway.

      1. Hopefully you’re able to take them up on the offer one day soon.

        I wish I had the money to pay one of these superfine attractive wolves you post on here to come to your job, and take you out to lunch in front of everyone just to see the reactions. I mean the kind of wolf that would even make straight wolves insecure( sorry that’s my petty side talking but I get pissed at the way this pineapple has been acting towards you)

        1. ^you know what’s funny?
          i was thinking about that too.
          someone fine meeting me at work,
          or picking me up in a fly car.
          i often think about those things in my fantasies.
          i hope they can become a reality soon.

      2. Lol he doesn’t need to see you with a fine wolf Jamari.

        All he needs to hear is that “Jamari was promoted.” or “Jamari got another job” and won’t be within reach everyday and he’ll hit you with the Tevin Campbell “Can we talk for a minute” line.

        Hell, he might even be outside your building in the rain like Ray J in that One Wish video.

        Shift your focus.

        1. ^hmm.
          you are so right jay.
          hell and besides that,
          ill be in a better place.

          thank you for judging me.
          everyone else as well.
          i’m a work in progress.

  5. Don’t feel bad about not accepting that, Work Wolf was on one, you aren’t the type of friend that can be bought. You two have bad blood and this pineapple makes a “business deal”? Doesn’t seem like he’s ready to talk about anything yet.

  6. I agree with Jay. Also, he knows you miss him and that you want to reconcile. To be honest, him knowing you had feelings for him was the worst possible thing because he will always play the game from that standpoint. It really concerned me when he asked you for a favor, rather than to check up on you and apologize like he should have. It basically confirmed that he was only using you, nothing more. That man is no good for your life and it is time to cut him off, forever.

    1. ^or even to say “you know jamari you really pissed me off”.
      even if i’m wrong,
      let me know.
      he had me on brick for a month and this is the text he sends?
      his info didn’t go back into my phone.
      i’m not some abused animal.

      1. Your response should’ve been “Who is This” if he replied then you should just ignore it. You need get out of your feelings over this bum, he don’t care about you at this point. When u loved yourself more, then you will stop allowing others to hurt you. This is your wake up call, I don’t know how many you need. He needs to be banish, I experience this with an Ex wolf and a friend, both got banish to the neither regions of my ignore list of irrelevance.

  7. I think that was his half ass all the ignorant way of trying to reconnect with you. Your response back shoulda just been you were swamped this week and try you next week and see what he says. Then tell him he hasn’t hit you in weeks and you don’t fuck with shady behavior and inconsistency in a friend. Tell him straight up…and then leave it alone. Sometime the biggest present we can give is tge absence of our presence . Let him figure out his shit and dint ask any questions

  8. I had a friend that did phone therapy sessions. I dont know if it works the same or is ethical but it seemed to work for her. Maybe this should be your line of part time work. You are intelligent and I would appreciate your perspective. A nonjudgmental friend who listens and responds with questions in the privacy of your home. Maybe it would be easier to be more honest if I didnt see the facial expressions, or in my case jaw dropping shock. Sometimes we need to help others to get our own answers, in my state certain therapist dont need licenses or training to put it out there.

  9. Wow, this guy is an absolute mess. Life is a lesson, but he is all the way wrong. I don’t have anything to add because it was all said already. That number would go in the “blocked” list for that, not even just delete.

    Who tf does that? GTFOH. He has some nerve. I think you know what the right decision is Jamari.

  10. Maybe this has been discussed but what happened to the other work wolf.I think he worked in another department and mentioned having a partner.I believe he was going to show you some clothes,designs or something.Somebody help me out because I’m kind of foggy on the details.I believe we weren’t sure if he was gay or straight or if he had a life partner or business partner.

      1. Oh OK but you need to make friends with gay couples so they can introduce you to their single gay friends.
        #blinddates 😀

      2. Sometimes we just have to accept that not every one has the maturity to properly apologize and admit when they are wrong. In less case you don’t wanna deal with him anyway, because it’ll probably be this way everytime theres an issue.

  11. A friend of mine does therapy by phone. Email me for a contact enigmamarlbg@yahoo.com. Also don’t feel bad about the WW situation…just keep detoxing. And you really need to explore another job. I think it will do you good. It’s time to grow. At your age you should be changing jobs every 2 years. However I know deep down a part of you wants to stay near WW. He ain’t worth it.

    1. You’re so right about the switching jobs every two years. Especially if you’re not taking care of anyone else.

  12. I don’t understand you sometime o maybe you just don’t mention it on here, but do you ever ask these people from other departments o companies to hook you with a job so you can quit this one?

    Yea, you should have never entertain Work Wolf. Don’t give him the satisfactions of getting angry over him. I would had been like “Who is this?” to show the bastard that I forgot about him and make him feel some type of way.

  13. You should get this book called 48 powers of law by Robert Greene. But, it wasn’t bad that you responded, it’s the fact that you wanted “answers”. He didn’t really need your help, he just wanted a reason to hit you up, but when you asked for answers it was like dealing with a vixen. Don’t beat yourself up for responding tho, you just wanted clarity. You will get it, but stop rushing it. Just play your cards right 😉 I hope this doesn’t offend you, but your too invested in him, and it will drive you crazy if you let it. It’s making you act like a bitter ex girlfriend, and when you do that you lose control of the situation. You gotta play it cool!!!!! trust me when I tell you this, just be to busy for him. Don’t be the “he-bitch” , just keep doing what your doing, work on you right now. Your taking a step in the right direction.

    Please check the link out below, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.

    http://livestream.com/woffwc/Worship/videos/115524067

  14. What happen with the work Vixen that use to hang with you and WW. Has she asked any questions as to why she hasn’t seen you and WW interact?

  15. Work wolf is given far too much credit. I don’t think he’s smart enough to play you like that Jamari. I think he’s just an asshole of the highest degree and cutting people off is the only way he knows how to deal with someone. I don’t think you did anything wrong by confronting him via text. What else would one expect a person to do who’s been given the cold shoulder. I would’ve done the same.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!