last week was stress.
where is the straight jacket?
so much went down that i felt i was about to lose my shit.
the craziness that is my job
some shit that went down with work wolf
not being able to start my therapy
i literally felt myself falling off my mountain.
a mountain that i worked so hard recently to climb back up.
in a nut shell…
– i don’t want to leave this job to go stress at another.
hell at least let me find one where it ties in with the foxhole.
i’m able to go to events/be “in the know” and write about it.
i was speaking to someone from a major fashion mag last week.
she always comes to see me whenever she visits.
when she walked up to my desk,
she saw that i was looking out of it.
i poured my heart out to her about being stuck.
she told me that just by my presence,
i am too big for this job.
hell at any “job” where i am not able to shine.
she understood what i meant and hugged me before she left.
it was worth a shot.
– it’s funny how when you start to let go,
you get “that text”.
i got the most ignorant text from work wolf.
he wanted me to help him find an outfit.
he said he would pay me.
i ignored him and he responded back 5 minutes later:
“i see you don’t like to hustle”
he hasn’t spoken to me,
in a month,
but you want my help?
i nearly cussed his ass out to the white meat.
the next day,
i hit him up.
i ignored his request,
but i wanted answers on to why we are at this point.
he basically responded some more ignorant shit.
he claimed he “found someone else but thanks anyway”.
i felt disappointed in myself for even texting him.
i should of let it go,
but i didn’t.
i wanted him to admit or even apologize.
i felt like i failed myself.
i wasn’t being “strong” or “perfect”.
– the therapist called me on thursday.
she does exist.
she was at another office and apologized.
she assumed that the automated responses said that.
after all of that back and forth,
she doesn’t take my insurance anyway.
i wasn’t in her “plan” of my coverage.
i called zocdoc and they had no luck finding a replacement.
everything was during the day or afternoon.
new yawk needs to get its shit together.
this city knows animals got jobs out here.
the entire fuck?
out of control.
after work thursday,
i went to duane reade because i wanted something to relax me.
i read up on herb pills called “rhodiola”.
they were supposed to help in stress and anxiety.
it wasn’t there,
but the pharmacist directed me to “valerian root” and “5-htp”.
i took them went i got home and those shits knocked me clean out.
i did wake up feeling more refreshed and “sunnier”.
groggy as fuck tho,
but i could handle it.
i been taking them over the weekend and i do feel a little calmer.
i’ll take one of each before bed and see what happens.
i won’t say they’re a permanent fix,
but it’s temporary until i figure out the solutions to my issues.
grant a fox a couple supernatural blessings on the main line.