41 thoughts on “I Want Black Males To Do Well In Life, But I’m Not Dating Them”

1. I do not understand the reason people are still surprised by this. His statements are bullshit to be quite honest. It is like someone paraphrasing to avoid plagarism. I would have respected him more if he simply stated: “I do not date black men because they are not my preference.”

2. I love this place.
   It has sustained me. For a very long time. I love all you men. I would love to meet most if not all of you. I would like to embrace you all and thank you…and catch a vibe and ride a wave with y’all….but I dont fit into many of the labels and boxes that are thrown about here…or what I in all likelihood wrongly perceive as the typical IJF reader “stereotype” – I envision the sexiest jacked wolves and suave foxes of all shades of godiva – Not me. But I am damn sure love you all and feel great love from you as sply human beings managing our truths as best we know…and to, that is all this young man (19 folks) is doing – we may not agree with what he is saying but he is trying his best to be honest. God love him for that…because he too is speaking for someone who is voiceless. Like you all have done for me for years.
   We can no longer on the one hand side-eye people for not “living their truth” yet throw shade when they do and we don’t fully agree. C’mon now!
   Let’s love one another for the sum of all our parts.
   I love all you guys. Period.

   1. Regarding your comment about most of the commenters being miraculously gorgeous and muscular and “perfect”. I’m going to be real. First I love your honesty, it’s something that is lacking around here as of late, and what you mentioned above is a symptom of exactly what I’m talking about. I believe everyone is miraculously good looking and perfect on the internet, it’s another thing when you meet these people and decide for yourself. I know I definitely don’t fit that description lol. Don’t believe the hype!

      I think in order to get to a place where we can love each other, we have to learn to love ourselves, and be honest with ourselves first instead of everyone pretending to be “perfect”. We can’t relate to or understand another’s struggle if we are perfect, or pretending to be. Sometimes, it’s our flaws that bind us together rather than the things that make us “desireable”.

      Regarding this Steve person, I would say that his comments were somewhat insensitive, however there are just more important things in the world to worry about, so I say let him do what he wants, but I will say this: If you’re in the public eye (enough to be giving interviews) comments like that are just not strategic, they don’t benefit his image or his sales. What one does in private is their own business, but once you make it public, you open yourself up to the criticism of the masses, so he walked right into that one.

3. His comments are weird to me tbh he shouldve just kept it to himself bc when he tried to justify it the logic just isnt, well, logical…like tf? Btw yeah frank ocean dates blk women, so does steve lacy. However, neither of them have been with blk men. Tyler the creator is the same way. Steve is biracial by the way. His dad is full asian. You can definitely see it in his features. But i bet he isnt attracted to asian men either. He probably loves being fetishized by white men,who want that “bbc” smh. White gay men are even more prejudiced than their str8 counterparts in many ways in my experience. But whatever, ive never been attracted to him even tho i do like the internet’s music. (Recorded stuff, they sound like shit live lol). To be honest ive never been surprised, they hang around a bunch of weirdo white people.

4. I forgot he’s 19 so there is some growing he needs to do. Although I noticed this colors truck perspective is the one thing a lot of black men don’t tend to grow out of. I’ve personally never encountered someone who is reformed color struck lol. Once that mindset sets in dudes be committed for life it seems.

   1. Its funny you say that, cuz tbh i think a lot of men who go thru the colorstruck phase (for some its not a phase obviously) are ashamed about it (as they shud b). I had an ex who previous to me only associated with gay white men and i only found out through his friend’s wife who told me she was surprised he was dating a blk man.

   2. They become “reformed” once they’re old and unwanted LOL. That’s when they’re all of a sudden for everybody.

5. ^^ but they be looking like BooBoo the Fool when they come across a profile that says no Blacks. Meanwhile, I’m over here laughing and sipping tea at my melanin get together on Ebony Avenue.

   *You can’t sit with us.*

6. this doesn’t come as shock to me at all.
   down here in the south, you have some blacks gay guys that will tell you that they do not date other black gays.

   1. Dee,

      I can relate to what you are saying and had one that later changed his outlook after he saw what I was driving -_-

      1. Please tell me you ran him over!! 🙃

7. First off, he’s 19.

   We all had warped and frankly unreasonable standards and misconceptions at that age.

   Second, I find it HILARIOUS when people “don’t do labels” and come up with all these generalities to avoid any label, but only that label can be seen in a negative light.

   Dudes are like “yeah I fell in love with a man, but I’m not gay I’m human” lol

   No one ever says “I’m not handsome, I’m human” lololol

   1. I am with you about the labels. People only accept or avoid a label when it is convenient for them. If you do not believe in labels, keep that stance all the time.

8. First off Personal preference is a load of crap used to deflect and we as a community need to stop accepting that as a valid position from other black people, how you can have a preference for a group other than your group that is not a natural position as you don’t find that amongst other groups. As a person born and raised in California (East Bay) I just find it crazy, I mean I look at my childhood and I wouldn’t say it was exceptional in fact in my mind I would say that it was typical …. I grew up on the Cosby Show, A Different World, Martin, and Living Single; there was always Ebony, Essence or Jet in the house. Growing up you would learn about black accomplishments and historical figures like Martin L. King, Thurgood Marshall, and Fredrick Douglass don’t get me wrong it’s not like I was rocking a Kente Cloth or an Africa medallion (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but by the time I graduated high school I did have a lot of love for black people.
   I think there are attractive people in every race/ethnicity but I don’t get this anything but black attitude and why is it an attitude almost exclusively held by black men whether they be gay/Bi/ or straight. What is it especially in 2017 that black men are psychologically buying into that has them hating themselves and anyone who looks like them but loving everybody else, and whatever it is why doesn’t it seem to be affecting black women.
   Black women do it better than anyone. First there was a study that showed black female/ white male relationship/marriages were the best relationships in terms of overall longevity and success beating out all others and black male/ white female relationships were the worst. Even taking a superficial look at celebrity culture Tina Turner, Iman (who was with David Bowie until he died), Dianna Ross, Eve, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey etc. have all ended up in interracial relationships and marriages after having first sampled what the world had to offer , you never heard them adopt and anything but black attitude.

   As for Steve Lacy his comment seems disingenuous at best. It’s an attempt to be “woke” , but at the same time be ashamed and unwilling to admit that he’s bought into something that tells him as a black man that he can only be successful, accomplished and have a sense of I’ve made it only if he has somebody non black on his arm

9. Bye!! He wouldn’t get it on my WORST day! That whole crew is weird as hell to me anyway. Tyler The Creator & his corny ass entourage LOL!

10. At this point in time, with all of the similar posts I’ve commented on, I really don’t have anything to say.

    Black people are the only ones I see that will down eachother in a public forum or discussion, when it comes to romance, politics, social life, etc. no other race does this. As Y Colette said, there is nothing wrong with having a preference, but to down your OWN race? He doesn’t see the God in him.

    My melanin is poppin and I only date those who are of the same ilk.

11. Well personally I’m a very happy Black man who loves Black men, and because he doesn’t means for me one less bit of competition. Long may he stay away from my Big Beautiful Cultured Black Brothers!!!!!!

12. I laugh at these idiots, but it’s nothing I can do about it. I wonder how they feel when they go on grindr and see “no blacks” or “sorry, only into latins or whites”? And God forbid if his dick is small.

    Here in the Bronx, I actually feel sorry for black girls. Every black dude wants a Latina.

13. You know what it is jamari black people like him have been taught that they are some how the prime cut meat if you will of the black community they view themselves as a cut above of the average niggas but I think it’s just self esteem issues and California breed these types like cattle lol!

    1. You are correct. I ran into one from Cali and my Bullshit Barometer went over 100. Not all are like that but a lot em are. Maybe this fellow will mature as he gets older…who knows.

14. So about them plenty of black on black successful couples? Anywho, I’m not about to say more power to him or I respect his preference…Fuk him, his preference and the logic behind it.

    “Growing up around black males, they were always my competitors ya know? I never viewed or saw myself doing anything sexual with my neighbors. I literally, like I said, see them as brothers.”

    ^^ What the fuk does this even mean? Like stop letting “nigglets” say shyt like this and then excusing it for a preference and wishing them a happy life. They don’t need a happy life, they ass need a wake up call. This isn’t too say that interracial relationships are bad…but when you have Black folks applying the crab in the bucket mentality to everything around their own race, it’s really sad.

    Whenever some Blacks make it big or something close to “Fame” they wanna grab a white boy/girl, or a Latino that look like Snow White…and cling them to the side as their pride and joy and a few months later we see them alone lookin like sick Rick by the face.

    Idk, I mean technically it is his life but the cycle needs to end somewhere and they should have served him right there on the spot.. I wish I would I have been there. As soon as he said that I would have slapped the melanin outta him. Now compete with these hands fool.

    So fukin contradictory…how the fuk you gonna say someone your brotha but lable them as a competitor.

    Another thing that is both funny and troubling is when racoons like this: “I’m just not attracted to black boys, that is it. I still love them and want them to do well in life, we just won’t date. Sorry.”

    Why does he think that dating “us” has anything to do with doing well in life or more importantly, it’s our loss because he doesn’t want to date Black men…by black men, is he talking about Black Americans, cuz the color black goes far and beyond to other places? Or is he saying he doesn’t date other “dark people” on the low… 😉

    Well anyways, I love my black men…Give me a black chocolate brutha…that look like a Hershey bar…l like brown and dark in general. Brazilians, Blatonos…Black Americans…you name it…And my neighbors are all fine. I’m okay with that
    brutharly love. 😍

15. IMO,There is a big difference in dating people from different races and saying you would NEVER date someone of your own race.We all have preferences just like some people are attracted to blondes or prefer dating dark skinned guys.I know a guy who prefers (gingers) red haired women but he has dated women who weren’t redheads.

    This guy is 19 so hopefully he will mature and realize rejecting all black people(men and women) is not a good thing.Then again maybe he won’t.Most of male cousins in California are in interracial relationships.

    Lastly I wish people would stop bringing up Frank Ocean everytime this topic comes up.Frank has never stated he doesn’t date blacks.He had a black girlfriend about 6 years ago,I can’t think of her name.She is dating a rapper.Since he released Channel Orange it is rumored he dated Willy Cartier although neither one has ever confirmed that.If they did date it only last a few months.Since then there is only speculation about Frank’s love life.

    Funny enough there were rumors Frank was dating Steve a couple of months ago on fan pages.😂.MTO even posted a story about Frank and Steve. So that demonstrates how must of this stuff about Frank’s love life is “pure speculation” based on next to nothing.There are also rumors Frank is with Tyler.😒We know nothing about Frank’s love life except maybe what he writes about in his poems and songs.

    1. Well Frank goes with Memo, an exotical

       1. Really? How do you know that? Did one of them say they were dating? Have you seen a pic of them being affectionate.Every couple of months there are rumors about Frank dating some guy.There were rumors he was dating Ysham in April.There were rumors he was dating Steve .BTW going to a boxing match or concert doesn’t automatically mean he is dating the guy.If he is,then Awesome.If he is dating multiple guys that’s fine as well.

16. Ok first off more power to him and the others he dates cuz self hate ain’t the business. But I’m not surprised. I’m not from Cali but having been there and known people from there the “colorstruckness” is rampant out west. I chalk it up to the range of other ethnic groups available outside of the white/black binary seen in most of the U.S.
    And playing devil’s advocate I can sometimes get the frustration in dealing with black SGL men. Hell it makes me want to quit us sometimes lol. But white ain’t always right and non-black POC come with their own headaches. Its a shame to see but shows how we have a long way to go to loving ourselves and each other.

17. I only date black men 💪💪💪💪, ain’t nothing better than a chocolate brother!!

18. I live in Los Angeles and believe me, this sentiment runs DEEP within black males; gay or straight. ESPECIALLY famous black gay men. As a people we’ve been conditioned to be for everyone else before ourselves, and that mentality has filtered down to the gays as well. Unlike other races, we have ZERO self preservation skills. You NEVER hear men of other races so proudly proclaim their lack of desire for those who look like themselves. We look at ourselves as less than, too easily accessible, or simply unattractive. Couple that with the fact that black men are primarily driven by what they are told is attractive and socially acceptable, and you have a whole generation of young black males who PROUDLY express their distain for black women and other black gay men. Ever notice how gay white men only go for a certain type of black gay? Muscle-bound, educated, successful? Sadly, most black gays who date other races will chose the most mediocore, plain, random they can find; as long as they’re not black. That seems to be the sentiment of whole crew, not since coming out, Frank Ocean has only been linked to men of other races. We are so lost. Being black and gay comes with so many obstacles, you’d never think racial preference for shallow, pathetic reasons would be one of them.

19. Honestly I don’t get why people are up in arms when a black male dates outside their race. If a person is happy who cares who they date. If he doesn’t want to date a black man then that’s him.

    1. Ask the Indians how that worked out for them.,,

20. People have to realize that the house N*&ga has not left but has evolved through different time periods, they are most of our black elites and entertainers.

21. What Famous black gay/bi guy doesnt seem too feel this way is the real question and he really tried to come up with a “deep” answer. Its tiring at this point.

    1. ^it’s crazy how all the “support them because they came out the closet” were more damaging.

       1. but let’s talk about that tho’ like most of the well known ones that come out of the closet typically do it because they have a white guy or are only attracted to white gays(including those sports guys that come out as bi/gay)

          Tbh I’m waiting for kid flash(Keiynan Lonsdale) to come out with a white bae.

22. “Growing up around black males, they were always my competitors ya know? I never viewed or saw myself doing anything sexual with my neighbors. I literally, like I said, see them as brothers.”

    It’s funny how I only ever hear this “logic” from POC. I’ve never heard a white person say that they could never date another white person because they grew up around them and view them as their brother or sister.

    Anti blackness and white supremacy is a hell of a drug

    1. ^YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!!!!!

       I never hear other races dissing their own.
       it’s only blacks that are so disrespectful.
       the way some black straight males treat black vixens is DISGUSTING.

       1. Going to have to disagree with you on this Jamari. Latinos and Asians are just as guilty. But because we tend to surround ourselves with our own kind you could say, we tend to think its just a black thing.

       2. No Jamari, other POC say the same shit about their races, I’ve seen it.

23. He is not even that cute to be honest. Yes he is talented but quite honestly nothing else turn me off more than a pretentious guy. I don’t care if you are black, white, asian etc or even rainbow. That’s a turn off for me and a big no. Next.

    1. ^yeah he gotta go.
       im sure they will love their bbc fantasies with him

       1. But if his BBC is a string bean they will discard him. Them whites want footlongs, not a Vienna sausage…

    2. Not cute at all.

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