2005.
interesting year for me.
i had lost it all…

all of my mother’s money she left for me was gone.
all of the people i thought were my friends were not.
it’s not a good feeling to know people that you looked out for,
those you had in your home,
those you nearly got arrested for could turn on you in such a way.
i was so embarrassed by how everything went down.
imagine being the man and then losing it all?
imagine losing it all and everyone sharing that with the streets?
yup.
i was homeless and living in my sister’s aunt (the ugh one) haunted house of a crib.
i had nowhere else to go so that was the only place i could think of.

within this starting period,
i had to start working to make a living for myself.
i think i had two jobs at the time.
i was feeling sad and very bitter,
but i was starting to discover myself without the loudness around me.
it helps when you are at rock bottom to move in silence.
so i became this ninja within the forests.
i was making brand new experiences in the gay forests,
but i was still very scared for anyone from my past to see me.

I was still thinking about HIM tho.

my first crush who i’ll call “my first” or “HIM”.
many albums came out around that time,
but it was the emancipation of mimi that helped me process my feelings.
songs like:

“It’s Like That”, “Shake It Off”, and “Fly Like A Bird” helped me say goodbye to those that hurt me
“We Belong Together”, “Mine Again”, “I Wish You Knew”, and “Circles” spoke about my longing for HIM
“Get Your Number”, “Your Girl”, and “Stay The Night” was when I was starting to date heavy
“One and Only” addressed the loneliness I was feeling overall

every song on the album represented my emancipation those years.
learning to be free and start exploring my sexuality.
that album stayed on repeat.
mariah was making her comeback and so was i.

lowkey: i think i’ll do this when the mood strikes.
a lot of music represented my story at certain times of my life.