it seems to be a season of some sort.
everyone,
including myself,
is stressed out.
i’m calling it “the hall of mirrors”.
this destination seems to be somewhere on everyone’s mountans.
its like everyone is being faced with their truths right now.
the reflection might be easy to handle for some.
a quick switch up and you good.
the rest are having a hard time at who we are or becoming.
we are seeing things in our lives we never thought we would to see.
my friend left today saw just that…
i have been so caught up in these “work wolf” mirrors,
i haven’t been seeing anything else.
anyone else actually.
when left texted me a picture of him in the hospital this afternoon,
it felt like everything around me shattered.
he told me that he was experiencing bad chest pain these last few weeks.
like crippling.
it got so bad that he collapsed this morning.
it felt like he was having a heart attack.
his girlfriend immediately called 911 and they took him in.
the doctors revealed to him that his heart is getting weaker.
i am now coming in from seeing him in the hospital.
seeing him made me feel so sad.
he looked sad,
although he was playing the “tough wolf” role.
“jamari you actin’ suspect.
i’m going to be okay.
cut that sensitive shit!”
on the way home,
i started to wonder how funny life is.
one minute you are okay.
the next you are the floor gasping for help.
next you know your life changes and a new path is set.
for left,
his lifestyle will be now different.
no more eatin’ meat or too much stress.
two things he was comfortable in.
its moments like this that nothing is the same anymore.
silly shit is just that.
well i have a doctor’s visit this saturday.
i’ve been getting up at 530am just to throw up.
my anxiety levels are on 2000.
i have lost a lot of weight.
i also need to get a physical.
i’m low-key terrified of what he is going say,
but it needs to happen.
i need to face this tho.
left demanded that i go.
he has become more aware of health issues now.
i just hope i am prepared of what is reflected back to me.
Always have your annual physical, and your twice a year dental/eye exams! I cannot fathom how anyone who is employed, and that has medical benefits…does not go to the doctor. I know way too many people like this, and I tell them that they are gambling with their lives. They could have conditions and/or symptoms that they are not aware of…until it is too late. Lately my high school classmates have been dropping like flies, and while some people have now been scared into doctor’s offices…I’ve always made it a point to go to the doctor.
My reality check came when my dad passed from pancreatic cancer, the undetectable and incurable cancer. My brothers and I now have to be on our guard since it can be hereditary. Two years one of my brothers (I’m the youngest of 5) had some polyps removed that were found to be cancerous, and he’s been undergoing chemo. So far the rest of us are OK, by the grace of God. But I live with that fear all the time. Every time I go to the doctor, the words I NEVER want to hear him utter are cancer or diabetes. I do everything in my power to ensure that it doesn’t happen by watching what I eat, and trying to exercise as much as possible. It’s hard because I had surgery on the knee a few years back, and it’s not 100%…so I can’t do as much as I’d like. But I do enough!!
Take care of yourself dude! No one else will!!
Jamari you are going to be fine buddy. You are just stressed out, stress can kill you, that’s why I have been telling you the last few months to start going to the gym and working out, you will feel a lot better and you could meet your wolf there. This brings me to what I was going to say next you need to get laid buddy that also helps stress. Also I hope you get to talk to a therapist you been through so much tragedy and loss and still can come here and blog daily and help all of us out that’s why I’m always thanking you in emails. You and everyone who comments make me feel so much better and that I’m not alone, and get a good laugh. I also hope your friend Left can pull through and get better, make sure you are there for him Jamari even if it’s picking up the phone and calling him everyday just to check on him.
Damn I hope work wolf gets better soon, but look at the bright side he was uncomfortable with his body and now he’s going to lose his tummy. I just hope he doesn’t lose his thickness tho. Morning sickness? Anxiety? You don’t think you could be pregnant? Holy shit, you’re gonna be famous!
Jamari please take care of yourself papo; I’m trusting all is going to be better with your health. I’m sorry to hear about your friend as it obviously is weighing on you. Please exhale. Get well soon. Xoxo
^thanks z.
this kinda put me in a bad place mentally.
i lost star fox and i don’t want to lose left.
he is the only straight friend i have that knows me and my life.
we are really close.
i pray he can overcome this.
thank you for the comment z.
I’m sorry about this Jamari…..God Bless your friend and cover you from any disease when u get your physical. I claim that you will be in good health. Don’t where stress it doesn’t go well with your Soul.
The Devil been working, I’m dealing with a couple of things in my life and my entire circle of friends is battling as well. Faith can lead the way and lighten any dark path that awaits us.
^beautiful.
thank you for your prayers truth.
I think I’m gonna take a day off today.
meaning I will be doing light work and surfing the net.
im not even in the mood for this place.
The hardest thing we deal with in life is the unexpected. We can never prepare for it. The older I get the more scared I get that something is going to come over me without warning and take me out. It seems like you can do every thing right and you still may end up with a life ending disease, I am now fully understanding why so many people say live your life like its your last day. I have been pretty miserable as of late with a lot of things in my life, and my greatest fear is that I might not be around to do the things I always said I wanted to do. I knew this girl who finally found the man of her dreams and got married and had a couple of kids and everything was going along good, when he complained of back pains one day so bad that he could barely function. He went to the doctor and found out he had incurable liver cancer. He was dead in 30 days of the diagnosis. She was shattered as she was a new wife and mother and her husband had his own business that she had no clue how to run, she did what she had to do and still is surviving. I always think about that when I start stressing and worrying over shit, it could be a lot worse. Also we must also come to the realization that no matter what, every body who is born is going to die, it is just the circle of life. Its real deep to think about when you are alive and vibrant but all of our day is coming one day whether we like it or not, none of us will live forever. We must make the best of whatever we dealt with in this life because we are all going to end up the same.
^omg!
that is absolutely wild.
Oh jamari I’m so sorry to hear about your friend I hope he gets better cause thats nothing to play with life happens to all of us and shit can happen when you least expect so send positive energy his way and be there when you can btw I hope all goes well at your doctors appointment.
^thanks kelly.
i hope he follows the doctor’s orders.
he can be stubborn at times.
Sorry to hear about your friend left, I hope the changes he’s about to make help.Your health is important Mental and Physical, a lot of people tend to care more about the latter but you need them both to be in top form. Hope your appointment goes well.
^thanks mikey.
appreciate the comment.
Damn man, I hope you get better and your doctor appointment goes well. .
^thanks man.
@jamRi. ,u are always in my head. You are a blessing. Thank you. I will take heed to your post. It’s hard but do able.
^seeing yourself for who you really are ain’t easy!