i want to thank everyone for the comments in the last entry…
lately,
i have been dealing with a lot of bullshit,
but it helps to know i can come here and dump it all.
i often wonder where i would be if i didn’t have this outlet.
i don’t have any gay male friends i can turn to in my own life,
so it helps tremendously to come on here and have support.
i’m thankful for those that can pick me up when i’m down.
i suffer from depression,
anxiety,
low self esteem,
and suicidal tendencies.
i have my moments where i doubt myself tremendously.
i have a huge problem not seeing what everyone else sees.
i don’t see the beauty in me.
i don’t realize the magnitude of this blog either.
i see everything that’s wrong and become a control freak/perfectionist to fix it.
i’m not ashamed to be honest with you all about those things.
it isn’t the “sexiest” thing to admit,
but i don’t want anyone who can’t my flaws and all.
seeing as how i’d accept them for theirs.
as you know,
i don’t have much family to turn to.
my parents are dead and most of my family is all over but here.
the ones that are close are blacklisted and have been cancelled.
my close friends are here,
but many of them are black vixens and don’t understand the gay male struggle.
i’m not the type of gay they are use so i often get misunderstood.
so it’s pretty much just me and the foxhole,
a place where i can feel safe with those who “get me”.
the only place i can font to others who i “get” as well.
thank you for blessing me with you.
Aww Jamari 😍
I wish I could give you a big hug lil bro. For some strange reason, I felt closer to you as I read those words in this entry. Perhaps it’s because I battled the same demons over the years. When I reflect on my life I’m reminded that “I AM THE STRONGEST PERSON I KNOW”. All the shtt that I’ve endured due to the evil of others, bad decision making, and a sprinkle of bad luck has given me an unquestionable resolve to be happy despite of the bad weather all around me.
Just remember, LIVING is the hardest thing you will ever do in life. Dying is easy.
😘🙏
Love you Jamari, keep your head up man. I cannot wait for the day that I read the entry of you finding your wolf and a job that you love, but in the meantime don’t feel afraid of writing how you feel. I deal with the same struggles that you wrote about.
We are family. We choose you and each other to love every time we come to the foxhole, can I get an a man up in here.💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
You help great deal of people yourself, like myself.
I am a 40 year old man, who deal with a great deal of things.
You wouldn’t know by the way I act and carry myself. but there are days, I need a pick me up and your blog do that for me.
I may not agree with a lot things, but I enjoy reading how other people see things. Keep up the good work.
we are here to help one another in our own special way.