I haven’t been this shaken by a movie since “Requiem for a Dream”.
There is another one I saw that I don’t know the name but I never forget it either.
That movie dragged me through the trenches of addiction.
The ending of that movie left terrified of ever going there myself.

at 3 a.m tho,
curled up on my couch watching “the substance“,
i found myself stuck in pure horror…

and then running to my bathroom to vomit.
yes,
i threw TF up watching that movie…

The sheer discomfort from this movie raised my anxiety to the core.
I don’t really do body horror so I went into this not knowing the premise.
I just heard everyone telling me it’s a must-watch.

imagine your perfect self.
the bawdy you want,
the face card you’d love to see in the mirror,
and the aura that helps you bag the life and males you want.
now imagine being handed all of that on a silver platter by an injection,
but with a cost so steep it makes you question the expense.

“the substance” goes deep into the road of of self-improvement.
it cuts deep into the dark underbelly of body dysmorphia,
self-loathing,
and addiction.

it peels back the layers of what we are willing to do to look forever young,
especially in a forest that is so horrific about aging and the tiniest flaw.
even though vixens get it worse in society,
as a black gay male in two communities prone to breaking you down over perfectionism,
i often wonder:

How often do we talk about this?

you see us going hard to have the perfect bawdies while still seeing monsters.
all of us wage quiet wars in the mirror,
getting addicted to the 15 minutes of likes and approval.
the struggles we nurse in silence and the impossible standards we set for ourselves.
“the substance” doesn’t ask us these questions gently at all.

What happens when our present selves have bitterness for our perfect selves,
while our perfect selves has resentment for our present selves over who we really are.

when her perfect self was beating up her present self >
that shit was heavy.

like “requiem for a dream”,
this movie is going to sit with me for a long time.
honestly,
it made me want to love myself 110%.
it’s the kind of film that makes you question not just what you want to be…

But when you get it,
it’s still not perfect either.

check it out on amazon prime.

lowkey: tbh,
it was a lot of work and upkeep after you take the substance.
was it just me?