you are abusive and never laid a finger on anyone

i’ve been feeling abused.
i’m not talkin’ or fuckin’ anyone right now,
but i’ve been feeling abused by someone i know.
it has brought my energy way down tbh…

first thing first:

People who were abused can end up abusing others

the pretty vixen just started “sex and the city” for the first time.
the first thing she said about one of my favorite characters:

imagine if samantha had a rape past?
that might have been too much for that time.

often times tho,
we don’t realize it how abusive we can be.
people who treat us good,
or aren’t like what we’re use to,
they end up looking like the enemy to us.
you want to be their friend,
but they’ve been treated terribly by people they thought were they friends,
so they will subconsciously mirror their abusers and treat you the same way.
we start doing abusive things to others to push them away.
love and friendship being two of those things,
which is why most of us are alone.

Most gay males aren’t nice to each other because of all the trauma we’ve suffered.
We use each other as sexual objects because that’s all we know.
Most of us don’t/didn’t have positive role models to teach us how to “be”.
So we go around abusing each other because that’s all we know.

so there is someone i know who is abusive af and doesn’t even realize it.
this weekend,
it was a damn brawl between two sides in my friend group.
instead of healthy communication to speak out the issues,
what they do?

Ghost
Triangulate
Victim blame
Manipulate
“Not my fault”
Passive aggression

…and a whole list of others.
it seemed like unhealthy self defense mechanisms on their part.
one mutual friend is stuck in the middle because they’re being fucked by the person.
when someone fucks you good,
and you aren’t use to it,
they can get into your head and start manipulating you
the crazy part is:

They were abused by their exes

…and now they’re did the same thing to us.

foxhole,
you gotta sit and ask yourself:

Am I an abuser?

here is the part where you look back and ask yourself:

Do people have good things to say about you behind your back?

When you leave someone’s life,
do they end up looking much better than when they were with you?

Have many folks from your past blocked you on everything,
don’t want anything to do with you,
and will leave an event if they see you walk in?

Do you have string of burned bridges behind you?

Have you ghosted people who didn’t deserve it?

Do you push people away because they show they care about you?

Do you often tell someone that someone else in your life is doing something better than they are?
Basically making it seem like this other person (people) are better?

Do you see the negativity in everything and everyone?

or:

Why have all of my past relationships,
whether platonic or not,
never end well?

sometimes we think we’re the victims,
but don’t realize we are just as bad as our tormentors and oppressors.

x READ ABOUT ABUSIVE TRAITS HERE

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “you are abusive and never laid a finger on anyone

  1. That reminds me of a childhood church friend I had. He was often so mean to me (think Regina George from mean girls) but he was always mean in way that he could play off. I didn’t have many friends so I just dealt with it. We became best friends, even though I didn’t really like him that much. Sometimes you allow people to abusive you because your options for friends are limited or because you have invested too much time in the friendship to just walk away.

    1. ^when we start realizing we have options,
      some abusers realize their powers are useless.
      it’s like the abusive male who says:

      “you should be happy dating me…”

      excuse me?

  2. That’s a cop out.

    Those men are grown.

    Grown with jobs and shit…

    Shit like health insurance.

    There’s no excuse for anyone to go around hurting others because they’re hurt. Even the SSI and HASA queens get psychological care.

    Stop making excuses for fucked up individuals.

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