Whenever I would meet a wolf,
I would want to believe he would want me.
It could cause me to put up my guard to protect myself which made it seem I wasn’t interested.
I was very interested but I was full of fear.
If someone ever called me and said,
“We need to talk”.
98% of the time I’ll go,
some of us might be broken.
we could be bitter,
or guarded that we don’t see the possibility in anything.
when we were young,
we were more optimistic but as we grew up…
Life showed us that it didn’t play fair.
Things or people we desired didn’t always work out.
If we racked up enough points,
it became a habit that will become hard to break.
i have this nasty habit of always going to the bad first.
it happens with almost everything.
it’s really bad with wolves i’m attracted to.
i don’t particularly trust other males when i’m attracted to them.
other males were my bullies and the ones i trusted ended up betraying me.
there have been a number of jackals that destroyed my trust and soul.
MY FATHER IS THE BIGGEST ONE.
i have a fear of rejection too.
Being gay has NOT been easy for me tbh.
everything that happens in some of our lives,
we will always feel like its too good to be true.
life taught us not to drop our guard because we will get hurt.
add on all the disappointments with people,
and family as well.
So whenever we want or desire something,
as much as we try to be optimistic,
it’s easier to jump to it not working out.
…and like clockwork,
our minds go full protection mode and it doesn’t.
i’m trying to do this thing where i’ll ask myself…
“What if I believed that things will actually work out?
It might benefit my life to try something different.”
it hasn’t been easy tho but i’m trying.