you know what i feel like?…
you ever opened up google maps or one of them,
and dropped the pin in just any random place on the map?
it lands and that force field or whatever that shit is starts to emit around it?
that’s how i feel.
i feel like i’m in the middle of nowhere.
hoping my energy leads me to what i need to get to.
yesterday was a day.
been moody because i’m still mourning the loss of star fox.
everyone is pissin’ me off.
i’m realizing people i once thought were friends are merely associates.
they don’t have that same “conversation” i had with my friend.
it bothers me i feel like the nerd sitting at the cool kids table.
i don’t have anyone to relate to anymore.
don’t even get me started on my life.
lost.
confused.
scared.
hopeless.
all feelings i have that people don’t understand.
i nearly went over to my friend’s crib to punch him in the face.
i had to call jesus on the main line to save his ass a popped lip.
father’s day is coming up so that’s another punch to the gut.
great double whammy.
i keep asking god why did he take my friend away?
why am i all alone now?
did i do something wrong?
nothing makes me happy anymore.
all temporary shit.
i think thats why i run here to post.
update as much as i can.
it helps me take a break from feeling sad.
crying randomly.
being an emotional bitch.
omg did i tell you how i broke down in the super market the other day?
that was fun.
thankfully i was wearing shades.
one day i wont be wearing shades tho.
i keep telling myself:
“you have to be strong!”
“you have to be strong!”
“you have to… ahh fuck it.”
i don’t know how to believe it.
im a mixture of anger and sadness.
pain and pitiful.
i stay with this mask on.
i’m literally this:
i am a fuckin’ mariah carey record.
smh.
i don’t know what to do with myself foxhole.
my summer feels ruined…
rant.
vent.
i don’t know what to call this.
Hey J, as someone who has been in your shoes, it will pass but its just gonna take time and you cant rush it, and you just have to go through it. One quick thing you may want to do is get out of town for a few days, I know that is easier said than done but if you have a friend you can go visit in another place try to scrape together a few pennies and go, you will be amazed at how being in a different space will help you.
An unlikely song, by jazz singer Marlena Shaw, someone probably most of you have never heard of called “That’s Life”, I think Frank Sinatra recorded it first, but the lyrics to this song are so on point and give me encouragement every time Im sad and feeling down especially the lyrics “Everytime, I fall flat on my face/I pick it up, stick it out and get back in the race” and that is how I have to look at life, many things will knock us down in this life from death, relationship, change but we have to adapt and keep it moving because you get another chance every day you are blessed to be here. You never know if today might be the day that you meet someone who will change your life forever. Again, you are going to be fine and make it through this.
I agree with this. I myself have fallen down so many times that in my mind my knees are scrapped, but I still have feet to walk with so I keep getting up. There is always hope.That’s exactly what his mindset needs to be.
AtAnomymous has offered some good advice. Jamari, please post your email so I may communicate off-line.
[email protected]
Fuck being strong. It’s ok to grieve. That was your friend, and you miss him. Don’t feel guilty because you’re allowing your emotions to take over right now. This is all a part of the process. Suppressing your true feelings will only make them manifest later in other (bad) ways. Get it all out now. Cry, scream, cuss, TALK TO SOMEONE. Crying doesn’t make you weak. Being emotional doesn’t make you a bitch. You’re human bro.
Use your blog to release. Its obviously cathartic for you. It’ll get better. Little by little. Don’t rush it.
You’ll be ok. Use this time to reflect. On your friendship, and on yourself 🙂
^just tired of everything.
things are going wrong.
it’s all really scary right now.
im scared.
thank you for the suggestions.
this too shall pass brodie