i was wrong.
i was in a funk.
i wrote something earlier that i had to really think about fully.
choosing to die?
not staying and fighting?
have i come to this?
that is not the “jamari fox” way.
some of my greatest victories are because i fought.
it wasn’t because i gave up.
i don’t give up.
i don’t run away.
i confront things head on.
no amount of funk should ever make me even think that thought.
as i sat at the park today,
admiring all the beauty and life around me,
i came to this point tonight…
i am the cause of my own “failures”.
well what i think are failures.
most of them are lessons.
no one else.
i can’t blame anyone else for the way i’ve been feeling.
no “work wolf” or a “cousin”.
no “job” or “the idiots who work there”.
i choose my happiness.
i choose what i give my attention to.
i can bend things to my whim if i choose.
did you know a company chose the foxhole to host ads on?
finally,
right?
at the end of the july-ish,
the insticator reached out to me.
i didn’t think to mention because i was in a funk.
i was worried about the wrong things and people.
if you are at your computer,
you will see ads all over the site.
if you are on your computer or phone,
you will see an ad in the form of a quiz on the sidebar.
it refreshes every 30 seconds.
well it is there because of the company that reached out to me.
every time you play it,
it brings ad revenue to the foxhole.
that’s a major goddamn blessing right there.
i chose to be engulfed in my own foolishness to recognize that.
i decided that i’m going to get out of this funk today.
its hard,
but it truly serves no purpose.
so to answer my own question from “if i stay” earlier…
i would stay.
stay and fight.
people don’t tell me who i am.
i tell them.
…and that’s it.
i will handle everything else accordingly.
i want to thank everyone for the comments and emails.
i also want to ask for your forgiveness.
god is still working on this fox.
don’t give up on me just yet.
aw good for you Jamari!
Good self reflection does wonders. I’m glad it’s helping you, and you’re on the right track with your line of thought. It’s a good shift. Life is what you make it.
We will still have our bad days, we’re human, but we have to make sure we don’t get consumed with our pain. Sometimes our “pain” isn’t pain at all, its our own anxiety manifesting itself. Like this thing with work wolf. Like you said, he has never hurt you, you hurt you.
DING DING DING! This realization is what I’ve been telling you about a lot. Now that you have it, its up to you to maintain that understanding. Again, it takes self-awareness, and commitment, and some time. Keep it up J!
And as for the ad, do I have to get the trivia right? because I’m terrible at it, I just play it for fun! LOL!
What are the details? do I have to complete every question for you to get the revenue? or is it just every time I click? Congrats Jamari, I believe this is a step in the right direction for you and your foxhole, and your dreams for the foxhole! I’m rooting for you bud!
^thank you d!
im down to being committed to this.
hell writing that entry helped because it allowed me to go into my feelings.
i was able to see where i went wrong with every step of my life.
just playing it brings ad revenue.
right or wrong,
its the clicks that matter.
i love how everyone was playing it.
hell even i would play it when i would check in the phone site.
thanks everyone!
I didn’t know the quiz was an actual ad. I’ve just been playing that shit for fun. lol. I’ll play it more now since I know it adds revenue. Things are looking up for you man. Stay strong and keep the faith! This is just the beginning of a blessing that you have been praying for.
^exactly!
thank you for playing!
i’m glad you noticed even though i didn’t announce it.
Jamari you don’t have to apologize you are only human. You have been through the storm you have experienced lost from both your parents, best friend, dealt with unemployment, dealt with those lame bum ass bitches at your job, and you are still standing and that says so much about you right there dude. Jamari I can sincerely say you are a very special soul, you are helping so many of us dude with this blog, and please don’t ever do anything bad to yourself. By the way major congratulations on the ad dude.
^thank you eric.
that comment means so much.
i have my moments,
and lord knows i can be a (he)bitch,
but i need to start recognizing my positive traits.
i need to look in the mirror and start this process.
i refuse to be stagnant in my blessings.
Congrats on the ad Jamari!
Remember to……
Keep your head up & think positive!
Glad you’re feeling better! 😃
^thanks tommy.
and thank you for your comments.
they really mean a lot.
Congratulations for the ad, Jamari! You see, things are looking up.
As for feeling in the dumps and questioning yourself, trust me, we all go through that at times, even old heads.
^thanks oh.
i have been questioning myself a lot these days.
and for what?
feeling insecure for what?
its my fault.
I’m so glad you’re shaking these funky blues, you have so many blessing coming your way keep your head up and get your happiness!
P.S. I saw those ads awhile ago and was wondering what was up, no that I’ll know it will help I’ll be taking the quiz everyone I come in here. Yay for you J.
^thanks mikey.
i’m a work in progress,
but the first step was apologizing for choosing to die.
life is not that bad to choose death.
i have made it this far and can go even farther.
yeah the ads and that quiz will help me start my blogging career much sooner.