admitting your secrets to someone can be scary.
that opens you up to a whole world of judgment.
for private people like myself,
and im sure like you,
it can be like removing a limb.
maybe even a piece of your heart.
you just hope and pray that they won’t hurt you with what you share.
thats always the risk with telling your secrets.
some people may use it against you.
so i told work wolf about me and well…
so today he waited for me after work.
we usually walk to the station and go our separate ways.
the beginning talk was about mi.
he was still shocked i was kicking her out…
…until i told him the full story.
“oh then she needs to pack her shit and be gone.”
i knew that opinion wouldn’t last long.
so i don’t know when the convo turned,
but it came on to trust.
i told him i don’t trust a lot of people.
after mi showed her ass,
i definitely am having trust issues now.
“well you still gotta let people in and j.”
so i asked him somewhere in the convo what it is he liked about me.
i was curious plus i also wanted his constructive criticism.
he says:
“i like that you have a good heart.
you are very loyal and you are talented.
the things you do with style always impress me…”
then i asked what he didn’t like.
he goes:
“you are kinda bitchy.”
wait what?
“what do you mean bitchy?!” i asked.
“sometimes you have an attitude for no reason.
i like it when you are happy,
but i take it as its because…
you know…”
by this time we are full eye contact.
this is the most he has ever looked at me in the eyes.
“its because what?”
“how can i find the words to say it…”
i already knew where this was going.
“…lets just say this.
when i talk to you,
its like i’m talking to my girlfriend.”
“that sounds bad tho!”
“no its not bad at all.
when i talk to my boys,
its about sports and hoes.
with you,
its different.
we talk about my future and how you want me to get my life together.
you are like the good angel in my life.”
then he said:
“you know when i first met you,
i already knew about you…”
so then i just told him my secret,
but i let him know how private i am.
he replied:
“oh trust i am very private about some things in my life too…”
i felt naked in front of him.
i left him feeling open,
but i don’t know what to think.
he said that he doesn’t care about me being gay and if he did,
we wouldn’t be cool.
he said he still wants to chill with me outside of work.
so everything is on the table.
if he gonna be cool,
he would have to find out sometime.
i do feel kinda feel awkward tho.
we’ll see if this makes this friendship stronger from here on out.
i pray things don’t change since i admitted.
omg this is soooo cute!! LOL your life is like goals for me right now
Some of these comments have me worried. Ya’ll are making it seem like its impossible and unreasonable for a straight man to befriend a gay man. It happens guys. There is not always an ulterior motive, whether its curiousity or outright desire.
Jamari needs to approach this relationship as a FRIENDSHIP. Nothing more. If your advice to J is to sit back and wait for a “drunk” moment for something to happen then this is the biggest set up of all time!
Let’s stop putting ourselves in embarrassing situations.
Stop over analyzing this. Stop searching for clues that are not there. They guy has never expressed blatant interest. Just innuendo that may or may not be perceived correctly.
He sees Jamari as a friend. Leave it here. Let’s root for authentic, HEALTHY relationships.
*black power fist*
I’m very happy you have found someone to trust. But, I’m still worried for you. The door is WIDE open for a “we was drunk” moment and you don’t even have to tell us that you are about to start staying ” so fresh and so clean” to facilitate the possibility. But, he thinks of you like one of his girlfriends. From your descriptions, he isn’t exactly loving, faithful and exclusive. Just like none of them can change him, neither can you. Best option? Friends with benefits. He ain’t BAE. He ain’t the one you grow old with. He isn’t going to claim you in public. When all is said and done, he settles down to cheat on one vixen in particular. That said, I’m rooting for you. Get yours, boo!
I’m really happy for you Jamari, here’s hoping he becomes the kind of friend you can rely on and share everything with almost like Star Fox well Star Wolf lol
I’m glad everything’s working out. Lol, just be glad he only said one thing he didn’t like about you. I’m sure some of my friends fill a phone book about the things they don’t like about me lol!
That is so awesome, I know it feels like a weight being lifted off of your shoulders. Straight guys usually know, especially when they never ask you about women. He accepts you for who you are, that’s a good thing!
i am happy your friendship is building stronger day by day! true friendship needs to be transparent! I wish you both the besT truly!
I broke down laughing when he said you are kinda bitchy, that is so funny! But at least he is real with you and it does sound like you two are getting closed
Finally some Good News ☺
After dealing with Liar Liar,your boss leaving, your medical issues,Mi,etc.
You were overdue for some positive news.I am so happy for your.It’s very difficult to have a friendship when you are hiding an important part of your life.I bet he starts to ask questions about your personal life now.I knew he believed you were gay when he never asked you about your dating life.
I know you feel like a ton has been lifted from your shoulders and well you should. This is a milestone for you. Congratulations, Jamari. I’m very happy for you. This is 2015. People are not dumb and people know.
Going forward, I will posit that you will find yourself excelling at your pursuits more than ever. Why? Because you will not have the weight of fear and anxiety of wondering what people are thinking weighing you down, preventing you from focusing on what it is you’ll be attempting to do.
Consider this: straight men don’t waste any energy on worrying about what people think about their sexual orientation or with whom they might be sleeping. Closeted gay men expend so much energy trying to cover up and conceal things about themselves that it is a wonder they have any energy left to excel at what they’re trying to accomplish. Yet, it is my experience and observation that the best and most accomplished in nearly all fields are us, whether we’re closeted or out. You’ll have to trust me on that.
There are certain characteristics unique to each country. Here in America, spanning race, ethnicity, and class, we respect strength. Even evil politicians who are tough garner a certain begrudging respect. My mother once told me no one can stand on your back if you’re if you’re not bent over.
I could go on but I will stop here and say I am happy, Jamari, that you have reached this place in your life. I will wager that you will go to sleep with a smile on your face and wake up feeling more refreshed than you’ve felt waking up in a long time.
Old Head your comment spoke to me. I know people know about me since I don’t have a girlfriend, but I’m not comfortable enough to come out. Old Head your so right about the fear and anxiety statement.
Eric, everything comes in time. We traverse our metamorphoses at different rates depending on our specific circumstances.
If you’re still living in your parents house or with relatives and are dependent on them and feel very strongly that they would kick you out on the streets, be cool for now. If you live around ignorant people and/or work in a state where you can be fired or not hired or rented an apartment simply for being gay, which is currently the case in 31 states, chill until you’re able to move to a more liberal and accepting environment. This is why we should never push someone to come out. It is a process. At the same time, if at all possible, do not live a lie.
As you become more comfortable with yourself, you will find yourself living more freely and you will be much happier. There are states and cities that offer protections for LGBT people. And, many companies have protections for us. Trust me: we are everywhere, and most of us are not clickable even to each other unless we want to give a subtle signal.
Another thing: many people wrongly presume being out means being effeminate or having a rainbow flag hanging outside one’s window or having a gay-identified bumper sticker on one’s car. Those are stereotypes. Being out for me simply means living my truth. I’m not into bumper stickers. I don’t go around introducing myself as gay. I just am the person I am. I am black because I was born to black parents; I am gay because I am not straight. I am a man because I am not a woman. I just live my life. And, at each point along my journey, as my fear subsided and my comfort level increased, I grew exponentially!
Most of my friends are the same way. We live our lives as ordinary people because we are. Our families know and love us. Most knew before we did. They were waiting on us; they didn’t know how to approach the subject. Most of our neighbors and co-workers know, too.
I’m glad my comments spoke to you. I don’t think Jamari realizes how valuable this site is. He’s doing a great public service.
I love this message Old Head! I feel the same way about sexuality. It does not define us in and of itself. I just like men, that’s it. It doesnt mean I’m going to act a certain way or perpetuate stereotypes to push some agenda. Im just living my life. Well said.
Spoke to me as well. Thank you. This post and thread is just the therapy I needed. I love you dudes.
Aw, That’s cute!
I still like where this is going in the sense that you have a blossoming friendship here.
Like I’ve said in multiple posts before, just go with it and trust your instincts. Body language is everything. Have fun and just enjoy your friendship man! I don’t think he’s out to hurt you or anything so just watch and wait!
His words to you are very suggestive, but I’ll leave it at that!
I’m happy for you J!
“…lets just say this.
when i talk to you,
its like i’m talking to my girlfriend.”
I believe someone called you out on that already lol. “Go with the flow”. That’s something Im trying to learn myself. Any tips,anyone?
Listen to your inner voice. Sometimes we let fear control our actions. You have to make a concious decision to think beyond your fears. Sometimes just letting the chips fall where they lie is the best way to overcome this.
For example: sometimes when we’ve been hurt in the past many people become “jaded” or “walled up” which ends up preventing good people from getting into your life. This line of thinking will only continue to hurt you for the sake of feeling “protected” (ego).
“going with the flow” when meeting someone new for example, is allowing yourself to get to know that person without the inhibition of feeling like theyre going to hurt you. Its allowing yourself to experience the situation in its fullest form. Mind you, you can still protect yourself, as in not being naive, but not allowing yourself to be held back by your past experiences.
You have to actively psychologically challenge yourself to go beyond your comfort zone in new situations, and learn to trust your instincts. Learning to hear your inner voice (instincts) and listen to it.
A great place to start is to change subconcious thought, by only saying and thinking positive thoughts and words about yourself. You’d be surprised how that helps with “going with the flow” because you learn to trust yourself. I hope this helps a little.
^what are some things I can say d?
this entire comment is real deep.
He’s only using you for fashion advice. Nah j/k! I’d love to see the dialogue of how you tell them about yourself because I’m pretty sure you said you came out to Mi as well. I guess it must be just a simple “I’m gay…” Seems like if he knew you were gay from the jump, he would’ve avoided pressing his dick up against you when trying to walk by. Oh well, at least it’s out of the way.
He’s getting himself comfortable with you in order to “experiment” with you at some weak moment down the road! LOL
^LMAO here we go c.
here we go…
Im glad he was cool about everything. So do you still think he just str8? I mean the whole thing about talking to you like your his girlfriend wow. I mean if he already responds to you in that way i dont see why he wont end up viewing you that way. I want to know what you really think about him and yall connection. Not the nice modest version.
^i just don’t want to be wrong.
like he knew about me this long and didn’t do anything.
so I guess that’s why im hesitant on believing anything.
i will say that “girlfriend” line made me wonder a little.
Aye, don’t start this again y’all please lol. Nah
I get what you are saying so i would play it safe but idk. I guess it will all come out once yall hang out together outside of work. We shall see but i think i know where this is goin cha. Lol
Let’s not do this at all Christian! Lol.
He talks to Jamari like his girlfriend bc he’s bitchy (and not into “manly” stuff) like his girlfriend….not because he considers J like his girlfriend.
Jamari you have told us many stories of your interactions with him, and that’s why I initially suggested that he knows you’re gay. You don’t talk to him like regular dudes talk to each other. Your interactions with him always reminded me of a chick talking to a man.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s nice that he accepts you AS YOU ARE. It’s beautiful.
Sorry J. Please don’t let these guys put your head in the clouds. Relish in the fact that you have a true, authentic FRIEND.
So Jamari it’s been a while but I think your gonna like where this is going…. Leave all sexual thoughts at the door and let him lead. He is dominating the friendship, you be the pretty fox you obviously are…..
^thanks for that compliment pierre.
ya know what?
I read today in the law of attraction that in things like this,
you do gotta let things go with the flow.
whatever the outcome,
everything on my end is on the table.
Right! And teaching from experience, that is how I met my best friend and also how I lost him. You did your part, he did too…. So like the law states. Whatever happens, happens.
I think it’s good that you’ll had this conversation. If you don’t mind me asking Jamari did he tell you how he knew you liked wolves.
^naw he didn’t.
hell the way we speak in texts is probably a clue.
he said he talks to me like a girl lol
Correction..”like his girlfriend”
OK…. Wow! I was not expecting this man as I was reading this you made me holla lol! It had dun-dun written all over it but I was relieved that he was cool about it and I hope that this makes for a stronger and meaningful bond so you go boy get cho man lol!
^lol at dun-dun.
Like many of your readers have said before, consider the addition of work wolf to your life as a blessing. Many of us only have associates, friendly co-workers, or ‘niggas that I fuck with.’ Seems like you may have someone in real life that you can call a friend and can trust as much as your loyal wolf/fox readers. So before you go to bed, get down on your knees, and thank God for blessing your life with this friend.
^thanks rashad.
i like how you worded this.
it made me feel happy.
Claps for him
What you guys have is rare and special, he still wants to be your buddy and he understand what you guys have. Love it !!!!!!!!!!!!!! lets see how this goes.
^yup lets see.
another friend like left.
only this one really wants me to help him with his life.
I find sometimes, getting that stuff out the way is important to a strong friendship. The fact he thought you were gay and didn’t give a shit proves he’s quality friend material.
^i completely agree.
like i said,
if hes gonna be a friend,
he gonna have to know me and all of me.
I knew he knew lol. A lot of us did. He must genuinely like you which is a good thing. I’m glad this is all over for now lol.
^yeah this story line is definitely over for now.