the suicide note left behind

i have written my own suicide note in my head in a few times.
not lately as i’ve been in a good place,
but i always said i’d update the foxhole before i did it.
i don’t want you in a “why doesn’t jamari post anymore?” clusterfuck.
that is my truth.
for those who suffer from depression,
like myself,
mental suicide notes often come standard.
i’ve woken up ready to die and gone to sleep feeling the same.
say goodbye to tara condell.
she was a dietitian here in new hawk.
judging from her ig,
she traveled and appeared to live a pretty good life.
unfortunately,
she hanged herself on wednesday.
but i was her suicide note that was so beautiful written…

wow.
as a writer,
i got chills reading that.
such beautiful wording to describe her thoughts.
you can tell she was at peace with her decision.
there was no calling to talk her out of it.
she just did it.
her note let us know she’s okay.
it was very bittersweet.

honestly,
nothing anyone could have told her would have stopped the outcome.
when you’re living in pain,
no amount of lectures or “this is the beauty of life!” can change a mind.
we have been living in this world,
for all these years,
and nothing makes it any better.

going out there and getting in a relationship,
having all the sex you can muster up,
or buying something cute,
getting tons of followers on social media

those are just temporary highs that go down eventually.
the real issue is when you’re alone and forced to face “you”.
that’s when the depression and suicidal tendencies really strike.
regardless of how the living feel,
that vixen is out of her misery.
the way she listed all the good things of this city,
but it still didn’t make it enough for her to stick around.
i hope she’s finally to be at peace.

*if you’re feeling suicidal and need HELP:

instagram: tara condell

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “the suicide note left behind

  1. This is wonderfully and terribly sad. It’s almost scary to have ABSOLUTE control over your life like that, to the point where you can schedule your own death. I hope her soul has found a complete peace in death since she didn’t have it in life.

  2. If she wasn’t young, attractive, female, and (apparently) non black, this story would have NEVER gotten the attention it did – there are about 45,000 suicides in the US every year. Try living life and facing a world that doesn’t value and accept you. A world that refuses to recognize your fundamental humanity. Imagine the BEAUTY in making THAT work for you, as so many who are far less fortunate than the pretty girl who killed herself do.

    1. Yes, say it again! People show off on social media and then we read that they committed suicide because the whole time they were pretending to be the shit and they actually hated their sorry ass life.

      She sounds like an attention whore with her cutesy, curated post.

      I have more sympathy for our brothers and sisters in Flint, MI who still don’t have clean water.

      I have more sympathy for our sister in Detroit who was pulled over by the police for a broken tail light and forced to walk home in below freezing temperatures.

      I have more sympathy for our brothers who have been gunned down by police due to the culture of systematic racism in this country.

  3. I get it, but still….she prolly fucked up her mother’s life now….there’s not much to say, she acknowledged it was selfish, she acknowledged it was unnecessary, but my question is…..How do you know death is relaxing. peacefull or even the “nothingness” you expect it to be????? Even if you have faith there is peace on the other side, isn’t suicide USUALLY NOT the way to get it???? I DO believe in souls and GOD knows I would not want hers to be in eternal torment, but geesh just the FEAR of that being a possibility would make me never go through with suicide!!! You just DONT KNOW!!!!

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