The Hall of Mirrors (20)

Screen Shot 2015-05-09 at 1.55.05 PM“if we don’t do something about this,
this can kill you.”

thats what my doctor said to me this morning.
i guess left and i are not too far off from bad news.
so the results of my doctor’s visit is as follows…

i lost 20 lbs in 2 months.

tumblr_inline_nm07vubrIo1rtx98qeven he was shocked.
when i went for my first visit,
i was 165-ish.
after speaking to him,
and letting it all out,
he believes stress and anxiety are the cause.
i have been throwing up faithfully for the last 2 weeks.
i also have had no appetite and dropped a pants size as well.

tumblr_inline_mgfi43eb2D1ruh9kli know.
so blood tests are next week.
he says he wants me to take an acid reducer every night.
after the blood tests come back,
then we will see what is the plan of attack after.
i asked him about drinking ensure plus to help with the weight gain.
he told me i need to also start working out because that is a supplement.
one that will produce fat and not muscle.
he wants me to look into joining a gym once the results come back.
i was actually looking into a personal trainer.
i need to get pushed until i’m ready to do it alone.

its funny how it takes something like this to make you see yourself.
i realized i have hit an emotional rock bottom.

work wolf
trying to get this career off the ground
feelin’ completely out of it

yesterday i said i wanted a legit change.
a reinvention.
i want to be completely different.
after that ( x last interview ),
and reading ( x la la’s book ),
i want my best life back again.
its time to be a lot more selfish about me.
i regret even getting to this point.
this era will definitely be used in my story tho.

“look at it this way.
this will be your new start.” – the doctor said before i left.

b578c470-45ad-0131-b8b4-36effed03b6bit will be.

18 thoughts on “The Hall of Mirrors (20)

  1. Jamari, welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. I know very cliche (LOL)…..but it’s the truth. It’s a new start. That is reason to celebrate in itself. Some people don’t get that chance. God has given you the opportunity to do a 180. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless and remember, life is not a sprint so stay the course!!!

  2. Yes Jamari, if its not time now, when will it be? In the future? You r future can begin today if you want it too. Focus on your happiness. Just do what you need to do for now with that job situation, you know your time is coming!
    The gym would be great J! cardio is a great way to get the blood-pumping, and there’s something about lifting weights that just makes you feel like you’re in charge yknow? Go at your own pace!

    I can;t wait to get a gym membership! I feel you on the personal trainer, I feel like I would benefit from having one too, at least at first.

    Focus on your nutrition too! You’d be surprised at how you feel if you eat right! You can do it! Just a bump in the road!

  3. Im glad you are getting professional help! Talk therapy is great. Serotonin reuptake inhibitors are too, and cheaper.

  4. Love you more! Also, get yourself some Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar INSTEAD of the Acid reducing pills….

    You may want to study-up on a macrobiotic diet, eliminating meat and eating more alkaline foods. Def strategize to avoid maintenance meds, which proper nutrition can prevent.

    Take care of YOU, you need that body and its contents to take you the rest of the way through this life. THAT’S A LONG-ASSED time from here, LOL.

  5. Dude never stop exercising. It lowers stress and keeps you fit. I’m almost 51 and still hit aerobics and weights. Also try having more sex. Safely of course.

  6. You can also try yoga and boxing classes. I’ve been doing them for the last few months and its a great way to let out stress and anger

  7. Damn you are lucky I gain weight when I am depressed or stressed☺
    Seriously let this be your wake up call nothing is more important than your health.I am on my way to visit a co worker who just had three toes amputated.She is a diabetic and wasn’t eating right.Doctors are trying to save her foot.You can’t sleep on diabetes or high blood pressure,they can be killers.

  8. Yea, you need to eat and get back on track man, I don’t want you out here sick. The first action you need to take is to stop thinking about that Wolf so much. He stays on your mind heavy don’t he? I know lol.

  9. Exactly what I said Jamari you are stressed out buddy and I’m glad your getting into the gym you will feel and look better, plus like u said before you might meet your wolf there. You have to take care of yourself dude we can’t lose you.

  10. Honestly Jamari, he’s right. I’ve been there. Went from 225 to 180 and i’m 6’6″, after being stressed out by people and situations. It took my parents to point it out. You don’t realize it.

    But through working out, praying, eating well, and masturbating, the weight came back. As well as my mental capacity. And the people who stressedme out all are a season of my past. I think NY sports club has a deal 19.99 month to month. And they usually give a free session when you join.

    1. ^funny you said this because my people told me im looking skinny in my face.
      my cheek bones were highlighted during this weight loss.

      i will look into the ny sports club again.
      this time I will get a trainer to help me as well.
      I also need to look into meditation too.

      thanks mac!

      1. LOL@ Your cheek bones being highlighted. I lost weight last summer on purpose. My face is now chiseled, didn’t know that would happen lol. I only weigh like 165.

  11. Wow it’s a good thing you went into see. Him now and not later. I think this will be good for your body and soul. When you work out it releases endorphins that make you feel good about yourself and happy.

    P.S. Besides with your new body on the way the wolf of your dreams won’t be far ;p

    1. ^oh that sounds delicious!
      the wolf of my dreams that is.

      i was so nervous this morning,
      I nearly cancelled too.
      thankful I didn’t.

    2. And dark chocolate releases endorphins too. See, J, you gotta workout and eat chocolate to release all the endorphins in you.

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