this weekend was interesting.
on saturday morning,
i got an email from someone who use to be very nasty to me on the foxhole...

they wanted to apologize for how they acted towards me in the past.
they would come on to the foxhole and call me everything but a child of God.
calling me a “faggot” was their name of choice.
i’m human so it did hurt and i wondered wtf did i do to deserve that kind of venom.
one of my bffs said:

“See this is why I always tell you that it’s not always about you.”

we never know what people are going through to lead them to lash out or treat us unfairly.
it’s never for us to understand either.
this isn’t the first time someone has reached out to apologize for how they treated me.

later that afternoon,
i had to get ready for my uncle’s 75th birthday party.
let’s give it up for turning 75!

that is a major milestone.
all of his siblings (my mother being one of them) and parents have died,
so it is a blessing that he’s the only one standing.
unfortunately,
i’m the only one he’s speaking to on his side of my family.

my uncle told me something about some of the family members on our side of the family.
i wanted to know the truth so i asked.
( x i talked about it here )
one thing about me,
i like to get to the bottom of things.
the fox in me will find out the story.
from my family’s side,
it turns out many of the things he said wasn’t all that true,
like how he said he had a whole facebook conversation with my cousin hybrid.
cousin hybrid said he hasn’t spoken to him in years.
they all opted out of celebrating so i showed up.

It was mostly his wife’s side of the family.

i don’t know them so there i was in my little zoom square feeling out of place.
at one point,
i muted my mic and turned my camera off.

My cousin I don’t fuck with entered the chat shortly after.

even on zoom,
it kept our squares distant from each other.

before i got on zoom,
i decided to have a full photo shoot situation in my crib.
even though i don’t have many opportunities to dress up,
i decided to do it even if it was for an hour.
i don’t know what was going on this weekend,
but i was feeling really good about myself.
i’ve had my ups and downs during the rona,
but ive been working on healing all that is me.
for the first time,
i feeling content with who i am.
i showed this pic to one of the foxholers:

…because i wanted to post it,
but i felt nervous about it.
i’m trying to remove anxiety from my spirit and go with the flow.
i still have a lot to work on,
but i’m getting there.

so that was my stuffed (without the actual meat) weekend.
i hope yours went well and you’re safe.

lowkey: thank God i bought those clippers from amazon.
even tho the back of my head looks like an old town country road,
i can still present a clean face until i feel comfortable to sit in my barber’s chair.