i have been feeling like the sun as of late.
bright.
you can see my glow from the smallest crevice.
it has been a different feeling being in my own fur lately.
i’m not in a place of “wanting” or “needing” anyone.
i’m just “here” in this moment of me.
the abundance of trash i had in my life is gone.
i’ve stopped being an emotionally hoarder.
i’ve been making my own rules.
foxhole,
my honest advice is…
Continue reading “Cleaning Out Your Insides” →

i’ve been numbing my pain with sleeping pills.
i can’t seem to sleep anymore without them.
this maybe how addiction starts.
i’m okay with that.
2017 has been so hard for me.
i thought 2016 was bad,
but 2017…
whew.
every time i try to be happy and on this mountain,
i am pulled right back down into a valley.
i’m starting to be okay down here.
the fur i keep on allows me to smile around others,
but underneath,
i’m so depressed and ready to die.
death seems so peaceful.
that is my continuous truth…
Continue reading “The Pursuit of Happiness and Other Dying Thoughts” →

gas still off
window still broke
i haven’t had a haircut since the dark ages
landlord giving me the run around
surviving off the little food/juice i have
toaster oven and hot plate are the move right now

it’s a tough time in my world,
but it’s starting to be the calmest i’ve ever been as well…
Continue reading “I’ll Have That Peace of “Rock Bottom” Please!” →

i love how he wears different kicks to the gym.
so you know my tall snack i’d love to devour from jerz?
remember i named him ( x “happiness” )?
well i wanted to see more of “happiness” and you cummin…
Continue reading “Look At “Happiness”” →

​you want to know how to find happiness?
true happiness?
the kind that makes you feel higher than god?
well i’m gonna tell you what i’m learning…
Continue reading “There Will Always Be Pain In Your Process (Finding Happiness)” →

waking up,
my phone has over 50 texts.
a larger amount of missed phone calls.
its from various designers,
clients,
celebs,
and baller wolves.
everyone wants something from me.
i’m happy to give it to them.
my days are spent:

traveling
styling
writing
 smiling

i am behind the scenes of almost every event.
i’ve casted models for every music video.
the books ive written are best sellers.
i secretly work along side big names.
i’m the best kept secret in hollywood.
they call on me personally for assistance with their issues.
i’m a therapist,
a fixer,
and a life line all rolled into one.
i have no complaints.
i wanted this.
i wanted to be “independent”.
no more dealing with a dictator and army that followed.
its just me and my own rules.
that is happiness to me…
Continue reading “Is This Happiness?” →