an f-bi just sent me this video of antoine dodson having a potential nervous breakdown.
in this strange video,
he starts talking to god and then breaks down in tears.
i guess being “straight” isn’t all it was cracked up to be?…
Continue reading “Antoine Dodson Is Living A Hard “Straight” Life” →

while other people are using god to spew hate at people,
or a female pop star with a blonde wig filled with creole power,
i was being self absorbed and using my god for my purpose.
god came through today for my tough times.
he used one of my readers to do it.
i could not be ever so grateful.
funny enough,
i prayed the night of unemployment-gate and tried to let it go.
as hard as it was,
i focused my energy on writing that story and keeping myself occupied.
well he answered my prayers today and im feeling blessed.
im starting to realize you have to seriously “let go and let god”.
he’s still working on me,
but i’m learning as we work together.

not a bible thumper.
just grateful.

FOXMAIL

Hi Jamari,

First off let me say how much I appreciate you and what you do. I’ve had a rough couple of months and I can’t tell you how much your site has meant to me. I’m 22 and just recently graduated from NC State and like you I’m looking for work. Being at home has allowed me to do a lot of thinking about my life and where its going. It also has really forced me to come to terms with my sexuality. I’ve always known I was gay, but I guess I still had it in my mind that I would go through my life pretending not to be. I’ve realized that that is simply out of the question. Reading your blog has really helped me to start coming into my foxhood and for that I am so grateful. Everyday I look forward to what you are going to say, because it is always something insightful and amusing and always manages to lift my spirits. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with up and coming foxes like myself who are just trying to find their way. What you do is so important, and it really means the world to me.

Now, I hear you talk a lot about having faith and maintaining a relationship with God and I think that is really beautiful. I know that for the past 6 months or so I have been having a real crisis of faith. I grew up in a christian family, but not one of those crazy, cast out demons, speakin in tongues families thankfully. Anyway, my faith has always been important to me. I guess struggling with being gay was always something I could push to the back of my mind, but now that I’m getting older I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Sometimes I find myself asking if there even is a God? I know I’m not bound for hell. I know I’m a good person. But this whole situation is really testing me. Could you talk a little about your spiritual journey and how you’ve managed to keep your faith in spite of it all?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Im Being Tested With My Faith? Help!” →

i sometimes like to live in my head…
Continue reading “The Twists and Turns of The Rubik Cube In My Head” →

god is so interesting to me.
so i was gonna write today about ariana grande’s album,
“yours truly”.

i was going to ask if her album was any good.
i was kinda iffy on downloading it,
but i wanted to.
this coming from the person who was iffy about britney.
i own all her albums.
i was even researching reviews and everything.
well why come when i woke up today,
i woke up to this:

I know you are a fan of good music and no this isn’t my mix tape or something like. I came across Ariana Grande album “truly yours”.  The girl that sings “The Way”  with Mac Miller This album is a good one. Figure I share. Feel better homie.

how good is that?
i sooooooooooo want to thank my f-bi for this!!!!
i really appreciate it and i’m listening now as i type this.
as soon as i prayed randomly last night,
some other things just “happened” as the night went on.
i guess god wanted to show me he is here.
well thank you for finally showing me.

lowkey: sounds pretty good with the first couple songs.
she reminds me of a young mariah circa “daydream”.

do you believe in karma?
that 5 letter word that works like the universe’s people court?
sure when people do bad things to us,
it always has a way of coming back to them.
i had an interesting talk with someone tonight about karma.
i don’t know about you,
but everyone who has done me wrong has paid for their sins.
i was bullied/picked on when i was a kid/teenager,
betrayed and back stabbed by so called friends,
and dealt with fake ass people in the working world.
 too many examples to name.
life isn’t about getting revenge for everyone who does you wrong.
all that going online or talking behind someone’s back shit is for cornballs.
either ima bust a chair upside your head or ima let it go.
i often choose the latter.
thing is we can talk about how people have received their karma,
but we never talk about how we received ours?
did i do something wrong to have no job,
lost my best friend,
and both my parents?
sure life could be a disaster,
and i have become so much stronger due to all the loss,
but am i taking the l for something i did way back when?
something i may have forgotten.
makes me think.
are the bad things you maybe going through now because of karma?
or in the “house of the lord” a test from god?
and if it is a test,
where the hell does satan come in at?
i couldn’t help but wonder…

Is it a test,
or have your evil ways caught up with us?

and are we honest enough to admit it?