FOXMAIL

I need advice.
I’m gay and I’m dating my first boyfriend. I think he’s cheating. We’ve been dating five months. It’s driving me insane.

We met at a community service organization. We, just started talking one-night at a social event. A few weeks later, we made the beast with two backs. I just wanted, good-sex, however, he said he wanted to be my boyfriend and I agreed. It’s been an up and down battle with this relationship. He doesn’t have a car and grew up with a troubled family background, so he catch’s rides to and from work, which is common in this area. I don’t mind driving him to and from work every now and then. He chips in, gas money every now and then which I appreciate; however, I still felt a bit used a times, like I was only good for a ride.

The relationship initially was strong. He used to just kiss me all the time. Then it completely dwindled and he claimed it was because I told, him one night his breath smelled a bit and he became self-conscious. We’ve continued to have incidents that have been etchy-sketchy. I made dinner for him one night, he said he’d be their in 10-15 minutes. Three hours still not there, so I came by his house and his excuse was he’d been douching for hours to, make sure he didn’t paint my penis. He got defensive when, I addressed it. He declared, I was calling him a liar. I let it go and moved on.

His ex is a whore, whose repeatedly tried to sleep with him on multiple occasions.
He told me his friend has being trying to sleep with him and he know’s we’re together. I feel like, I’m trying to fight a losing-battle. That common-decency doesn’t exist and it doesn’t deter people from sleeping with someone in a romantic relationship.

The tipping-point was Monday. He called me, we talked he put me on hold because he had another caller. Then we continued, to talk and I heard the sound of a man moaning, in the middle of the conversation. I stopped everything. He completely changed the subject of the conversation to—how was my day? I asked about it and he’s offered me multiple excuses. First it was I didn’t hear it. Then it was, he was walking there are car’s passing by. Third it was he made the sound himself mimicking the noise I make when I’m excited. Then, it was it wasn’t a moan I heard.

1) Obviously he heard, it. He acknowledged it afterward.
2) I heard no cars passing by.
3) I’ve never made a sexual moaning sound in excitement in a public forum.
4) Who the Fuck moans in public, when there walking?
5) I know what I heard, that shit was an intense sexual moan.

I immediately, told him it was over the same, day. Tuesday and Wednesday he cried, pleaded and incessantly texted me to take him back. I told him, that I wouldn’t take him back. He called me a selfish, horrible person. That I don’t think about anyone else but myself. I told him I was breaking up with him, due to the stress the relationship placed on me.

Wednesday night, I finally decided to have a talk with him about. I told him, it’s unfair to him and to me, to be in a relationship where, your partner doesn’t trust you. It’s unfair to have a partner that’s constantly suspicious of his actions and choices. I told him, I don’t trust him anymore. If you know, your telling me the truth, than we don’t need to be in this relationship. You’ll find someone who will trust you, because I don’t. He was a crying mess and he was choking on his tears, in the middle of the conversation.

He gave me another convoluted hog-washed excuse that doesn’t make any sense. That it didn’t register to him at first because, he has a slight hearing disability in one of his ears. That one ear hears, slower than the other. That he has a habit of mimicking the sounds other ppl make and apparently unbeknownst to me, I make an orgasmic sound, in public.

I made him swear, to god he didn’t cheat on me. I asked him to tell me the truth multiple times. He swore to god, on his family and his unborn children that he’s telling the truth. I don’t believe him. I don’t. But, I took him back. In order to rectify the relationship, I decided to make it an open relationship. He’ll have sex with whomever he needs to have sex with and my only request is that he’ll tell me and use condoms. I told him, we won’t have sex anymore beyond foreplay and we’ll focus on the romantic aspect of our relationship. He agreed to these terms, with a simple “Anything, to keep you as my boyfriend”.

I’ve had this conversation with multiple friends. The one conversation that still haunts me is my best friend telling me—“Deep down, you already know”. Am I stupid for taking him back? (Yes, I am why am I asking question’s I know the answer too) Do all men cheat? Am I being practical? As I guy, I get it that we all have urges and some of us have more control than others; however, I would never, sleep with someone else knowing how much it would, hurt the person I love. Am I being too suspicious?

–Dazed & Confused

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Should I Dump Him After Our “Good Sex”? Help!?” →

FOXMAIL

Hey jamari!

I’ve been to your site for about a month now and you’re like a daily breath of fresh air. Most blogs tend to follow the typical trends but yours is completely different. I’m in a bit of a situation and I feel like I could really use your advice.
I recently met this guy through a mutual friend on Facebook. He was tall, handsome with dreads down his back and I personally though even if he was gay or bi that I wouldn’t be his type. I also saw that he was with a really beautiful girl in his profile picture so I didn’t pay him any mind, until he sent me a message. We began talking and I feel like we hit it off, until the topic of his woman came up. He told me that he was dl with a WIFE AND 5 KIDS at home… That halted things pretty quickly for us yet he continuously pursues me. He said he’s a top, so I feel like what would I have to offer him that his wife couldn’t? He even went so far as to send me nudes (which were REALLY nice, btw) to try convincing me, telling me his marriage is failing and he no longer has a sex life with her, it isn’t actually cheating because it wasn’t with another girl… LOL. Now, I’ve always valued the sanctity of marriage and I would never put myself between it , but he made me feel things about him that I’ve never felt about anyone else but I can’t bring myself to violate his wife like that, yet I can’t bring myself to completely cut him off either. I really want this guy but I don’t think I could live with that on my conscience. It was nice though that he was completely honest from the beginning. It also makes me think about how many others he’s been cheating with. I now understand why so many people choose to be jumpoffs…

What should I do?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: DL, Married, 5 Cubs, and Wants My Foxhole BAD!” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

Recently I’ve been a bit exploration with my personal life. Throughout my life ive only been with two guys. With pressure of being a virgin i ended up payed someone to do the job but we didnt get that far. Recently I’ve met this guy that’s really nice with tons of ambitions in life. A handsome college grad thats a few years older than me. He’s a bit feminine but it doesn’t show in his appearance which is okay to me… but I get absolutely nothing sexual from him. I’ve even told him about my past but he has hard time believing he’s the first guy I’ve been with. He’s made me realize I’m not sexually attracted to sex but I’m attracted to the fantasy of being with someone beyond physically. When i see someone, i think about what it would be like to be THEIRS or for them to be MINE. This not only applies to men for me, but for women as well. I feel because of things being so sexual nowadays it seems like people skip over falling in love with someone. They go more towards lust now. instead It’s more so just a hookup or fwb sex that most people are after. I though the increasing want to have sex with someone came from being so deeply connected to someone that there’s no other way to show how much you love them? Maybe it has something to do with being abused as a child… These thoughts have had me down for a few months now and i dont know what to think of them. Being bisexual is already a bad enough label. People immediately assume im hoe-ish. Ive been through so much now im about ready to give up on something that seems so hopeless.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Skip The Sex, But More Fallin’ In Love? Weird?” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari…

I  hope all is well. I haven’t “checked in” in some time now. I am still a loyal reader. Keep up the good work as always . So I wanted your views on something : Are platonic relationships in this lifestyle a thing of the past? I am a discreet bi wolf. I have the hardest time having/keeping LGBT friends.  When they find out about me  they want that FWB situation. They give that “I always had a crush on you” speech or switch up. I only share with them in hopes of our friendship growing stronger. It never works out. I strive for the bond you have with starfox (bonds are forever). I lost a childhood friend through something petty. No real reason. You know one of those “I’m making this a big deal but it’s really something else” situations. I felt it was truly due to the fact I was not into him that way. Upon telling him I was bi he switched up. He started acting more like we were dating. My then childhood friend once said to me “you’re a guys “guy” like the one everyone would want”. I did not know how to take that. I still don’t know. After him it all was the same if I shared. Only decent lgbt “friends” I’ve had are dudes I once messed with. But that never last for obvious reasons. I feel like their advice is always bias because of the past we shared. But back to the question : Are platonic relationships in this lifestyle a thing of the past? Or is it just me? Thanks in advance.

Thank you,

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Can I Have Friends Who Aren’t Trying To Smash?” →

sex.
it’s whatever it means to you.
for me,
it means a connection.
it’s not just “banging my back out”.
it’s a way to show someone how much i’m really attracted to them.
it’s a way adult’s play.
sometimes sex is wrapped up in pretty packages.
the contents inside may not be so pretty.
i got a f0xmail that i wanted to share with the foxhole.
the reader just found out someone he nearly banged has hiv.
check this out…
Continue reading “f0xmail: He Lied About Having HIV and I Just Found Out” →

FOXMAIL

Hey, Jamari

Just want to start off by saying love you’re website, which i found randomly browsing. But to get back on topic Im 28 year old, attractive,  single black gay male. i find so much that you’re going through, the same shit im going through (exactly) except work wolf. my last serious relationship was 2008, after that its just been random sexual escapades and short lived relationships due to my disconnection to them. i have like a low tolerance for  bull shit i cut people and guys i talk to off like nothing if they aint making sense. when i dated i always push the guy away or just be so cold hearted but it just made them attached even more. every week it was white guy, gym rat, thug, dominican, fem, straight, bi, other ethnicity guy, threesomes etc .  like pulling guys was nothing, but now i feel so  lonely, sad, depressed,  like when i look in the mirror. its a sadness in my eyes…that i just cant shake. i went from like this GQ /eclectic / stylish guy to this often portrayed dark goth guy.  So now things have change, not that everyone needs to know my sexual preference nor am i ashamed but people response when i say a guy is cute or he can get it, just be complete shock like omg youre gay? i thought you just like white women 0_0 so on top of everything everybody think im straight black guy that like white women. and the guys seem a.) intimidated. b) think im already taken c) stuck up. d) straight so its just like what the hell. i guess the whole point of this letter is to get an opinion  cause i never talk about my problems, relationships because im the strong friend, in a good place, but at the end of the night im lonely, incomplete, want love, just someone to give me heart too, and build something great. even though i can be cold i know i can care, and be a good boyfriend but my mood sometime effect how i interact with a guy. like not to long ago, minutes i just had a hookup a guy came over to give me some neck and i returned the favor. now its over i feel incomplete,  like why did i do that? its almost a feeling of disgust like every time i hook up. i even threw up few times after. i know crazy i may just be losing my mind jamari just wanna hear what you have to say.

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I Push Dudes Away, but I Still Want Love. Help!” →