i wanted to give my father all the smoke yesterday.
i wasn’t done with him.
he got an earful when we violated,
but i chose chaos when i woke up the next day.
no one gets to hurt my feelings and thinks thats okay.
nah homie.
i wanted to bring all the smoke to his yard.
yesterday,
i got fully caffeinated with an ice coffee with a shot of espresso.
it would be the battery for his destruction.
my spirit told me to call connie from the messages first tho…

Continue reading “conversations with a (middle) woman named connie” →

we all weren’t blessed in life to pick our parents.
if so,
i would have picked a father who isn’t a liar and coward.
caribbean fathers have a tendency to be the worst.
my father and i have had a very distant relationship over the years,
even when i was a kid in barbados.
it was all due to the issues between my grandmother and him.
he was only used to buy me school uniforms and haircuts.
i’ll never forget going out with him as a kid and one of his friends saying how “soft” i looked.
deep down inside,
my father knew that i would be gay but didn’t want to admit it at the time.
when we had an honest conversation a few years ago,
i revealed my sexuality to him and he claimed he already knew.
he let me know that i was his son and that he would accept me.
tonight,
things took a different turn during a phone call we had…

Continue reading “my father violated me tonight.” →

when i started this website,
there were things in my personal life that i wanted to keep to myself.
i knew one day,
i’d put all the cards on the table.
my therapist suggested that i write the following.
so the other night,
i had a dream i was getting married to a wolf that was obsessed with me.
my dream manz was introducing me to his parents and i said to myself within the dream:

“I don’t have anyone to introduce him to.”

it made me sad,
but it made me feel compelled to write this entry…

Continue reading “i can’t even call him daddy (i don’t know him)” →

is there scientific proof that males that are gay didn’t have dominant father figures in their lives?
it’s weird because everyone i know who is gay/bi had their fathers in their lives.
star fox,
God rest his soul,
was closer to his father than his mother.
some dl males i’ve been around kept/keep their sexuality secrets from their two parents’ homes.
even though i was closer to my mother,
my father was around.
everyone has a different experience in this life so i’m confused when hoteps think they’re scientists.
a tiktoker by the name of @karmonicz said males are gay,
and seek oral and anal sex,
because they’re yearning for their fathers…

Continue reading “if your father wasn’t in your life, you are craving the gay sex because you hunger for him?” →

foxhole…
we have covered some heinous shit,
but i think this one has got to be the absolute worst.
the demon on the right decided to kill his whole family,
but how he killed them tho via “the daily mail“…

Continue reading “the demon next door” →

this week has been a doozy.
the energy has been really off.

sidebar: i feel so depressed it’s ridiculous.

i’ve been questioning my own levels of forgiveness with this botham jean case.
i thought the brother hugging amber guyger was a shocker,
but the father was talking some mess about friends ‘n’ shit.
this is what he said at botham’s congregation…

Continue reading “did this family even love botham jean because they movin’ so sketchy” →