i’m not gonna lie,
but dating really sucks these days.
often times,
i get stuck in thinking it works better for the straights.
well most of my straight vixen friends are:
single af
in “situationships“
trapped in whole fwb dead end
my one lesbian bff i know just got engaged tho.
other than that…
The straight wolves I know are thriving tho
pussy by the pound,
plenty of options,
and getting into full blown relationships (many are terrible at them).
i know some who are doing all three.
from gay to straight males…
most of them are ice cold.
you think your warmth will penetrate them,
and they act like it does,
but it all leads to them hurting you in some way.
hurt people; hurt people.
it’s not even about being picky either.
most of the wolves i’m into in real life are pretty regular.
handsome,
but regula degulas.
most of the times,
i’m the bigger catch than they are.
most of the times,
they tend to be this lovely,
confused,
“fighting my bisexual urges” too.
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the only person i dated that was a “fantasy” was the baller wolf two years ago.
All of them turned out to be fuck bois on the low or high key
one of my foxholers experienced this recently tho.
two weekends ago,
he hit me up to tell me how he met someone great.
they were really vibin’ in texts,
but the date was the right kind of energy.
for a single fox looking in,
it gave me energy to throw my hat into the dating ring again.
i hit him up tonight to ask him how it was going.
Dude ghosted him after the amazing date
jackals have this nasty habit of leading you on and then ghosting you.
they never tell you they’re not interested or what you did.
you gotta have a crystal ball up your ass to figure it out.
it really is the fuckin’ pits.
it’s always a challenge to get someone to genuinely fuck with you.
Where the fuck are the pineapples that will genuinely fuck with you?
not “fuck you“,
or “fuck you!“,
but genuinely fuck “with” you.
it makes me dread meeting someone,
getting invested,
letting my guard down,
and then get ghosted.
that would drive me into a major depression.
the same foxholer sent me this in dms just now:
110%.
In the age of social media, one thing I notice about black gay men particularly on these social media platforms is they go after you hard and heavy based on how you look, none of them wait on you to pursue them. They could care less about any other good quality you have as a person as long as you got muscles you good to go They entertain you for a little while and then when they see its not going anywhere they are on to the next person that catches their eye or they get mad at you for not wanting them even though you never once showed any interest in them from the beginning in a romantic way. I try to be nice to everyone who hits me up, but it is getting ridiculous because when you are nice most of these dudes take that as I have a chance with you sexually. I am a bonafide gym head, the gym is my second home, I have packed on a lot of muscle since I first started in the gym seriously almost a decade ago so I have had no trouble finding dudes who like me via social media based on my physical appearance, only a scant few however have showed me that they are even remotely interested in anything I really have to say unless it involves some type of sexual interaction. I have met a few cool dudes at least they seemed to be genuine but of course they always live hundreds or even thousands of miles away. I am realistic and dont seriously pursue men long distances from me. From personal experiences, I admit the attention can be intoxicating and at times flattering when an Attentionista from the Gram acknowledges you or flirts with you, but again you have to be realistic in these Black Gay Forest, about any dude you have any type of interaction with. Most of these dudes out here have at least 10 dudes who are pursuing them, giving them daily attention and trying to get with them so when you go out on a date and they are not really feeling you, they just go M.I.A on you instead of telling you the truth, but really how many dudes really want to know the truth it might make you feel worse than the actual ghosting. I dont have any answers, I like many at this point are just relying on the luck of the Universe.
Hey y’all!!! Long post cause I had pizza tonight and it’s Monday and idgaf.
So I do blame social media for some of this but anyways I haven’t really been into the dating scene. In fact, I’ve went on a date and I didn’t even know I was on a date….
I fall in the sapiosexual/demi bracket (and it looks like others may also).
9/10 I’m gonna not do anything or become invested in you unless you have the qualities I like and show you can make a good companion.
I say 9/10 because to be honest, I’m also a nikka. I get horny, but for the other part, passion and actions are very important.
So if I were to date or get single and date again.
Like I look for the signs of interest. If you make me laugh or are funny and do things to make me smile… You get like 50 points. I love it. It shows me that he likes to see me happy and smile. It’s a good sign to me on a date.
Another is those eyes. If he keeps looking at me in a way that shows he’s attracted, I like it. Two early times I’ve experienced that dangerous look..
When I was in college, I did part time volunteer in Student Service and had to take this cute dudes student I.D. As it was being printed I peeped him out of the corner of my eye cause I though he was a cutie and he was watching me, looking me up and down repeatedly. It was just us in the copy room. And when he left and started going up stairs to his class I tilted down to watch his cute self and he caught me but only cause he was already watching me on his way up. My overly anxious ass fuked that up and I hopped back to work and didn’t expect it. This was in my early “I didn’t know much about DL dude days”. Had I known then what I know now, I would have had me a lil cute mixed bae on my side. Damn DL dudes.🙄
Most recent was a Polynesian coworker. I brought him up a long time ago on here but I was the one that fuked that up. But I never will forget how he always used to wanted us to hang and go eat and my dumb ass never caught on he was actually using the opportunity to date without actually saying we were on a date. He kinda made it seem like us being coworkers just hanging out at lunch.
One day I decided to go with some other co-workers and he was like..So you not coming with me? And I was like…We going to Five Guys today to discuss some stuff. So he was like Aww and nodded and walked off saying it’s cool in a nice way
…Not more than 10 minutes later I was talking to my coworkerss about what to order. He walks by in background and stops and I look up and see him giving me this look.. I swear to Lord, the way he looked at me..was like he was saying, “Come and eat with Daddy.” I felt that energy and I tilted my head down cause I got anxious cause this dude wanna get to know me REAL well….I will never forget that look. It’s etched in my mind (I get hot thinking about it.) I can compare it to a phine man looking at a woman with this look that make her p*ssy wet. But you know I was a dumbass then..and kinda drifted from him and then he either quit or got fired some months later. Idk.
Anyways…
I’m not a dating pro like others may be on here but
Make me smile on the date.
Look at me like you are interested when we talk.
Share some common interests we like and if you don’t have something in common with me, ask me why I like what I like. It shows me you really digging me and if you play your cards right after a month or two, you might get the chance to actually dig in me…(I’m sorry, I had to do that pun…forgive me…).
That’s the kinda energy I like for niggas to give. I give it right back. I thrive off that energy flow. If the energy is good like that, then the chemistry is good and if the chemistry is good, then the sex gonna be good.
Sex is not the bulk of everything or even what to base a date on. I am secure now about what I want in a dude if I am single. I give fuk bois nooo play.
Straight women are still better off though imo. Straight men can be full of shyt but a lot of them will break they back & go broke over some kitty Kat. Especially if she is a bad biii…Men will throw themselves at her left and right. And some women do find that one man that is into them and also treats them like a Queen and buys them all kinds of stuff…
Meanwhile, single me sitting on the couch with a bag of Cheetos watching Noah’s Arc and looking crazy wondering why my Wade ain’t came knocking on my door yet.
Jamari, I’ve been jilted so many times that I’ve become numb to love and relationships, and you’re so right, so many guys just want sex. It’s hard to trust anyone these days. I’d settle for someone to hang out with/travel. This reminds me of a guy in Atlanta who I went ape shit crazy over, he wouldn’t give me the time of day, I would call him constantly, chase him down in the clubs etc etc. This went on for a year or more, so you could imagine my surprise when he called me out of the blue about 2am wanting to talk. He asked me “you’re not into me anymore, are you?” I told him how crazy I was about him, but he didn’t feel the same. I was so exhausted about the whole situation, I was so over it. That taught me so much, never put all of your eggs in one basket, date around, not sleep around, invest in yourself, don’t put all of your energy into someone who is not showing any interest in you.
^and after chasing,
or just trying to be in their radar,
you feel so drained.
i really likes what cornelius said above.
i notice i only notice males trying to talk to me when i didn’t even pay attention to them.
as soon as i return the favor,
they run.
it’s this back and forth game that really bugs me.
I remember going over my vixen’s spot to drink and catch up on the lower east side this past summer and talking to her about my then recent breakup. She told me to “keep an open mind” about finding someone, but it is hard. It’s hard when society and technology have made us the most polite anti social, Emotionally underdeveloped versions of ourselves. Apps like Grindr and Tinder have made people effectively disposable, along with their feelings of inadequacy and rejection. Twitter is virtually an OnlyFans ad space. We place value on hot bodies and sex organs, but have no real skills because we no longer have effective communicating skills and can’t relate emotionally to one another. Sighs…
You aren’t obligated to like every guy or girl you meet or date, but there is a common curtesy. Don’t leave that person struggling to figure out what they did wrong, if they did at all. That way, they can correct it If they feel it needs to be corrected for future ppl. Yea, I know that’s not your job to do, but wouldn’t you want somebody to tell you where you fucked up so it doesn’t happen again? And if you dislike someone, be polite and mindful of how they will take it, and say what you have to. At least there is a higher chance coming out being civil with one another or maybe make a solid attempt at real friendship afterwards.
^i hate that:
“well i didn’t want to truthful in case they were crazy…”
they’ll be even more crazy if you ghost them with no regards to their feelings.
dudes stay trying to be bosses,
but pussy tf up when it comes time to be honest.
it’s baffling to me.
technology have made us the most polite anti social, Emotionally underdeveloped versions of ourselves.
What polite people do you know? I’ve seen rudeness become cute and get you a reality show.
As far as telling people what was wrong with them, I always set people up. If a guy is into me and I’m not into him, I’ll say I’m not dating, just looking for friends and then send him several profiles of guys who would be perfect for him.
A few get offended, but the majority appreciate it. I know other guys won’t do this, but I want happiness for everyone. I can see who might be good for you, before you do, so why not help?
I’ve pushed so many people together. And yes a few have come back and said “They’re great, but they’re not you”.
WELP. You have good taste I guess.
^lovvvvvvvvvveeeeeee this.
i’m taking notes because these gems are shining.
yasss I’m reading every comment taking notes cause I’ve def been dealing with this from a man that everyone wants, we work together and we are polar opposites physically but almost the same person mentally. He’s got a more fair tone with hazel eyes, and a good bawdy. I’m black as hell with nice features if I don’t say so myself but to most I’m ugly but I got a good bawdy too plus a fat ss but I pay no mind.
He’s “straight” and girls practically throw themselves at him, he’s done a few but I know he’s not interested we’ve become bff of sorts and I’m constantly back and forth with whether or not he’s the one. He’s def said and done things that lmk he is into me but obviously scared to be his true self. he has a fleet of other gay friends and he’s expressed how they all have tried to come for him early on in our friendship and I can’t be like everyone else so I’ve never came at him on a romantic level but he lies so much I’m almost sure he’s done some things with them plus they’re extremely attractive men who scrunch up their face when they see me cause they are clearly trying to figure out why he’s always hanging with me and not them as much. Idk why either and I do like him but I don’t make any moves cause he breaks my heart enough without romance and I can already feel the hurt if he were to reject me or do something with me and leave me. I’m an empath my heart can’t take it and it’s a huge reason why I’ve stayed a virgin cause I’m so confused about wtf these males want. I have soooo many str8 male friends who seem so confused about what they want so I keep em as just that friends.
Well I haven’t reached the level of cynicism you’ve gotten to, but there are still polite and sincere people out here, at the very least cordial. “Polite” meaning that we carry on trivial and shallow conversations as a bare minimum in comparison to txt/call over a device.
Life is about experiences and while it’s not a must for everyone, it’s a deep want of mine to experience companionship before I die and I feel that it’s okay to want to explore that, even if cautiously. I try to be extremely clear with my intentions and my objectives with any guy I deal with so people know what they are walking into. Look at the people who have the same sentiments just within the comments section of people that want something real with someone, but can’t get it. The want for something genuine is there within a lot of guys, its just up to the other person, and as many times as I and others have been hurt, I won’t give up on the probability of finding something special within the relatively reasonable standards I have. The problem may very well be the types of men we want to attract vs. the ones that would be really good to us. For me? Just be black, put up with my weirdness, Show me you actually enjoy being around me by putting in an effort. take this bomb ass affection I’m tryna give you, and communicate With me effectively and clearly about anything that’s on your mind. I’ll tell you the truth. I can literally iron out the rest if I have that at the very least.
Jamari. I have been celibate for almost 3 years (November 30th will officially mark such). We live in a 🌎 of constant temptation. As much as I’d love to give myself to someone again, I know that it may come with an emotional price to pay—potentially. I understand how you feel, because I’ve traversed this love thing 2 times over only to be ran off the road and into the ditch of naïveté 😔
^it’s sad because nothing worse than giving yourself emotionally and getting ghosted.
dudes will sit up here,
talk to you,
text you all day,
share their business with you,
and then boom:
GONE.
i asked my straight wolf friend if he ever got rejected today.
he tells me a story about a vixen he went on a date with,
they had nothing in common,
but they started fuckin after the date.
she ended up only using him for sex.
she rejected him because she was talking to someone else,
but loved the sex he was giving her.
that’s when i knew my experiences are completely different than the straights.
In the gay world, she would be a top. She’d post texts of how “thirsty he was”, right after getting home from a date that she told him was amazing.
Women are getting back at men, but at least men get the time. So even your straight friend cannot complain. He is getting kitty with no strings, emotion or drama.
It’d be funny if he caught feelings for her.
^nah he got married and then he said she hit him up,
with a smiley face,
after his wife posted a picture of the two of them.
that vixen would definitely be a wolf.
she was moving like “i just want the dick without the annoying male”.
personally,
i liked how she moved with him.
Okay this tea is piping hot.
That’s something a top would do.
Send you a print pic captioned: “Congratulations” the day after your wedding.
I’m done with her in the best way! lol
Gay men don’t even know how to have friendships, so how is there hope for relationships?
If you’re not offering sex, they’re bored.
My experience lately has been either extreme. Someone who wants to rip me out of my clothes or who wants to run to the altar. Um, I’m not desperate and that’s suspicious to me.
Everybody says “let’s see where it goes”, but men know in a VERY short time period if they’d marry you.
So moving on to the next is best.
A Veteran died alone in his apartment. Wasn’t found for 3 years. That may be our fate. As long as my last meal was good, I’m good.
^that really makes me sad,
but it’s a reality.
my hell has been curious males leading me down the path to dread and doom.
it’s so distrusting to meet someone,
bring them into your space,
they act interested,
but they ghost you shortly after.
like,
how cruel.
The easiest way to get and keep a man’s attention is to let him know you had a life before him and will continue to.
When you go about your life, ignoring them, they can’t take it. They try to hit you with the wyd..”What’s good with you?”
Don’t give them info. Just let them see you post a cute picture on Instagram.
Write a deep quote about how happy you are. It drives them nuts. They wonder why you’re so happy without them and want to insert themself in your life.
But the thing is..as soon as you show them you care..they leave, because they have their power back.
You have to do like Michell Obama. Barack said he didn’t like to talk on the phone. She said that was fine and would find someone who communicated. Barack wanted to talk on the phone now.
When a man sees you don’t put up with the mess, if he’s worth it, he’ll step up. You have to be aloof and unbothered. OMARION unbothered. They will want to match your level and will feel inadequate pulling mess next to you.
Imagine going to an industry event dressed to the 9’s with one of these little rappers with ripped jeans and sneakers. Eww. You need to ignore everyone who is not on your level. You are not a construction manager. You don’t have time to fix projects. You don’t have time to help him grow. How are YOU going to grow?
I’d rather lie alone in my lavish apartment knowing I inspired people to pursue their dreams and not waste their life over a man then to have a man, who is secretly cheating on me and when I die, spends my $ on another queen.
Think about it this way, Jamari
The Black Home and Decor QUEEN has Dementia and her Husband has a WHITE GIRLFRIEND IN HER HOME.
She worked her behind off so Becky could reap the benefits? Make an LGBT charity your beneficiary and keep it pushing.
All that glitters isn’t gold and relationships are business transactions for most. When they see you have something they can’t get, they tell you what you want to hear to take it from you.
And that “not all guys are bad”..true. They’re already taken so we need to accept the odds. And sometimes, we ourselves have overlooked the good guy for the bad guy who makes our hearts race.
But nothing is cute about bailing someone out or finding out he was scamming/selling drugs. What’s cute is a man who gets dressed for the holiday party, but wouldn’t mind skipping out on it and cuddling cooking and watching movies with you.
I’m setting for a “family of friends” until a miracle who doesn’t want to use me appears. And maybe the guy you want is in your background and just has to watch to see what you need so he can grow to be your man. Don’t rush it. Our lifespans are getting longer with medicine, anyway.
The Black Home & Decor’s name is B. Smith. Look her up. Created an empire for her Black husband to be still married to her, having his white girl up in HER HOUSE and telling her who knows what lies as her mind is failing. Relationships are NOT everything. So much for “Sicker and poorer” wedding vows.
^damn im speechless at this b smith story…
^love you for this!!!!!