mental homework: (30)

JAY always gives good brain.
sometimes it can be controversial knowledge,
but it allows for great debate within the foxhole.
so in the comments of:

( x kordell stewart gets some alleged pipe and tail leakage )

he wrote:

so i replied:

…but it was what he said in response that gave me my “aha” moment…

i mean…
is he lying?

is he?
he is telling the truth to me.
the crazy part in this alleged kordell story is the outer didn’t out himself.

some black vixens “out” after a break up.
the black gays are in on it now.
i just find it all so disloyal.
ive had some “important” wolves hit me up for convo.
i’ve even had some regular dl wolves in my box as well.
the first thing they say:

“i’m scared to talk to you because i don’t want to get outed.”
“would you out me?”
“i don’t know if i can trust you…”

and i tell em:

“ive been blogging since 2009.
has my blog been attached to any outing scandals?
have you read about me outing someone i use to talk to?”

nope.
what’s the point?
the crazy thing is i could have!
a majority were fuck jackals.
their secrets will always be safe with me and i move on pretty quick.
i expect the same loyalty in return.

black gays need to get it together once a relationship ends.
it was all good when ya’ll was together,
but now it ends,
you want to put all his business out there?
if your heart is clean,
karma will always work in your favor.

i love when God handles my battles.
it makes for a “hey big head” text sent to my spam folder.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

31 thoughts on “mental homework: (30)

  1. It’s just crazy to me. There isn’t even as much of a stigma with being a closeted white male so white men could be outing dudes for days, but they don’t do it like we do.

    We haven’t seen any pale white butt cheeks or pink penises of Senators and government officials that likely sleep with men, while their wives are oblivious or just don’t care.

    Even a regular out gay white dude will just tell you ” I can’t mess with you if you’re in the closet” and move on. A black gay will chase down a DL dude, engage in a situation and reap the benefits, then get mad and out them with screenshots and pics.

    Why do you think we never hear anything about Tom Ford, that Oliver dude over Balmain, and even Frank Ocean? Because they wouldn’t touch a black gay man.

    1. ^that makes it bad for the rest of us who aren’t that way tho.

      im beginning to wonder if this is why there are so many single black gay males and females?
      is this why the ones we desire chase other races?
      have the bad apples created this stigma for everyone?

      its like we dont know who to trust in our own tribe anymore.

      1. At the end of the day, one has to be secure enough to understand that he only represents himself. If people fail to see that, then that’s their problem.

  2. Just a few random points about this matter:

    – Most jackals probably got it from their mothers. They jackals probably saw their mothers bust windows, burn and bleach clothes, engage in defamation, etc. every time they felt wronged in the relationships.

    – DL hysteria and gay-baiting is a big attention grabber in the black community. Lots of money is made off of it whether it’s these DL books with misleading information, urban blogs creating gay rumors about any black male in Hollywood, or hip hop culture’s obsession over what people do in their bedrooms.

    – Many of these jackals need to hear themselves talk sooooo bad. It goes to the point where they need to over share information. Then want to get mad if someone shares it with others.

  3. Are we really celebrating anti-blackness here, Jamari? Is that what the Fox Hole has become? I read and then reread Jay’s post, and I don’t know if I should laugh or be appalled.

    Jay’s responses in both threads is sort of low brow hate mixed with pedestrian commentary aimed at those on the lower rung of a community that we all belong to.

    Jay speaks of whiteness in broad brushing, and albeit positive terms, then has the audacity to accuse someone else of being a self-hater. Me thinks someone needs to look in the mirror, or is Jay white? In that case, the plot thickens.

    I’m not going to bother refuting every proposition that Jay posted, but I’ll push back on one that really proves how enamored Jay is with whiteness (his animated view of it at least) and how he performs anti-blackness without even realizing it: Jay mentioned discretion as if that were an attribute that only white men possess. I find it funny that it never dawned on Jay that perhaps we hadn’t heard of “high profile” people being outed because they were willing and or able to pay the price to keep their secret a secret. But that’s what happens when you’re consumed with the grass being greener on the other side, you don’t use logic to back up your propositions, or you paint with the broadest of brushes and hope no one comes along to point out how big those holes are in your argument.

    1. ^i love that “is this what the foxhole has become” when it comes to opposing comments.
      when i post my situations where i’m wrong,
      and i’m called out,
      i don’t scream “YOU ALL ARENT PLAYING FAIR!”.
      its called debate.
      you have been part of the opposing side in the foxhole on many occasions.
      i haven’t changed and i don’t think anyone else has.
      it’s an opinion and that is subjected to be changed when facts are presented to an argument.

      don’t make it seem like things have changed drastically.
      that is wrong.

      1. furthermore pierre,
        jay comments heavily in this foxhole.
        he is far from anti black with his comments and has always been very a realist with his opinion of various issues.
        i could be wrong,
        but this is what i see.
        he is welcomed to defend his opinion,
        as we all do when something is posted here.

      2. Jamari,
        Things have changed around here, and that’s just what it is. Anything that isn’t growing is dead, but has it changed for the better? Let’s not act like self-reflection is a negative thing.

        Or maybe things haven’t changed and I just ignored the anti-blackness because it was directed at Markeith and others. Who knows? But the point is the same: I read what I perceived to be anti-blackness and even pointed it out to disabuse anyone of any confusion.

        As far as Jay is concerned, he is a regular poster, and maybe he should get a cookie for that. But let be very clear. I read his blog post comments and chose not to engage because I didn’t feel like going down a rabbit hole. Then you posted this post and I thought I’d add my two cents. Jay’s a big boy, and I’m sure he can handle himself. I made no ad hominem attacks. I stated facts. He used a broad brush, based on what he deems other black men to be, and then tried to go painting until I decided to briefly interrupt the party.

        Dissent is a good thing. If you want only readers who agree with you and Jay to be loyal to the Fox Hole, that’s your right. I have no qualms with that. But let’s not try to tone police when I gave plenty of red meat for you to tangle with.

        Anyway, enjoy your Friday night.

        1. ^pierre,

          i want to thank you for leaving your comment.
          i hope you will come back around for more discussion.
          when you do leave your opinion,
          i always find it to be very intelligent.
          we will have to agree to disagree tonight.
          i hope you have a great friday night and your holiday season is blessed!

          with love.

      3. Of course I’ll be back. Disagreement doesn’t make you my enemy. You’ve been cordial, friendly, and a man of good character since I’ve known you. We disagree on this. It won’t be the first or the last time. No worries.

    2. Lmao. I’m not impressed considering I’m sure you’re more experienced in this topic than I am.

      This isn’t about anti-blackness or white supremacy, it’s about the fundamental differences in how black and white gay men that trade on the looks and sex operate.

      I’ve been called a lot of things, but enamored with whiteness isn’t one of them.

      I do however call my people on their shit.

      Yes, white men can and will extort, which also proves they put some thought into it rather than just expose someone to a blogger and get nothing other than the pleasure of outing someone. The reasons why so many black gay men take pleasure in doing it knowing our culture needs to be explored.

      So if encouraging black men who live that lifestyle to at least fuck for business deals, opportunities that might benefit them way beyond that relationship, and anything other than material shit like the whites ones do makes me anti-black I’ll be that!

      I can see how that may work against you though.

      If you’re going to be a HOE or a kept person living off someone else’s money and success, at least play chess and not checkers.

      1. I’m not here to impress you, Jay. Now that we have that out of the way, I said what I said, and you’ve done nothing to refute it. Instead, you’ve doubled down. You don’t know what white men do. How many white escorts of a certain caliber do you know? What circles do you move in? All you’re going off on is anti-blackness and assumed white men “hustle harder” and I find that problematic. You have a lot to learn about life. Just hope you’re not the canvass when someone who deems you beneath them decides to go painting.

      2. “at least play chess and not checkers”

        EXACTLY! I get what you mean and it’s not anti-black at all. People need to learn how to play up their position instead of fucking up opportunities.

  4. This fool said I was enamored with whiteness. I had to laugh at that again lol!

    Nope, never that, I want us blacks to think bigger.

    I personally know Realtors, Trainers, etc that double as kept men and they are using the people they sleep with to close 6 figure deals and will not name them!

    So yeah it disappoints me when dudes that look like me are settling for a trip to the Gucci Store and not maximizing the benefits.

    If he was still giving Porsche money and we all know she wasn’t eating his ass, imagine how much more dude could’ve gotten if he kept his mouth shut and decided not to be petty?

    Kordell isn’t with a woman to my knowledge so he’s not deceiving any woman or putting them at risk…so what was the point?

  5. I am going to look at it from another angle, many times these dudes who are blessed with good looks, fine bodies, big dicks and ass that attract high profile or rich men are usually not blessed with Brains, I guess you cant have it all. Many times they are just young and dumb, and think the party is never going to end. When these high profile dudes get tired of them, they usually put them out on the curb along with the trash and most of the time, these dudes dont know what hit them when that support dries up. Case in point, I saw the Peanut dude who Kerry Rhodes allegedly got mixed up with a couple years ago after Kerry cut him off and it was obvious that expense checks had dried up and he went from a champagne and caviar dream life to ramen noodles and kool-aide. He looked worn, and ashy and the threads were far from the designer gear he rocked when Kerry was paying the bills.

    So many of these young Black dudes are so enamored of the loud ghetto stereotypical Black woman often portrayed on reality shows that they think its cute and funny to out these dudes once the goodies stop. I think the difference with White dudes is that it really is not going to matter too much if they are outed because one they are still White and they are still going to be able to maintain in fact they may get more from coming out while Black men dont have this same luxury and we sure dont have the support of our community if we are outed. Also many high profile White men use escorts and pay the higher fee up front so they wont have to pay on the back end with hush money, and many of these dudes use Black guys as well. Had a older homie back in the day from NYC who told me about one of his homies who was drop dead gorgeous who had many older famous white dudes on his escort roster.

    Both parties are gonna have to play it smarter moving forward.

    1. I agree Tajan.

      Then you have these losers preying on these dudes naïveté. They know these dudes aren’t used to anything so they lowball them.

  6. I will not say discretion is a white thing. Perez hilton is far from being white and that men been outing people like his life depend on it. And they’re mostly white dating dating other white people. So if he can out them with solid receipts that mean a white man/woman has not been that discret.

    BUT let’s be honest here, the large majority of messy outing stories involve black people, straight gay men women, no particular group is exempt. And from an outsider i can tell you it’s a american sport. Seriously it’s really rare you hear story like that on french or british blog (and they have so messy nasty stories).

    I don’t know it’s it the culture, the history, but the black community should do some introspection.

    1. Honestly I think people have always been of the school of wanting to have one up on somebody or wanting to be able to turn their nose up at somebody for whatever reason. I mean this person sent this to some site that took it public. They did not have to do that. They could have kept it moving but gossip like this brings traffic to their site. As for black gays being the main ones responsible for this behavior, there are plenty of messy queens of other races who do it but it gets passed up because the person that it is about has power or the right connections so this info never sees the light of day. Remember that (White) guy who was trying to write that book about John Travolta and a whole host of Hollywood Elite about their excursions to the bathhouses a few years back? That Shit never saw the light of day. I would never throw somebody I use to date up under the bus like this because it’s not that serious. In all fairness though you really can’t expect loyalty from somebody that you are no longer with in all honesty, especially if it goes bad and ends bad. Once they are not with you anymore they really don’t owe you anything. My mother always told “Baby if you gonna be embarrassed if people find out about it don’t do it because it always come to the light”. I mean in a lot these instances these men who reveal these things about their past lover seem to look stupid to me because in some of their cases the men treat them horribly!! So you outing somebody that you were stupid enough to stay with considering how they treated you. Sometimes people should keep their mouths closed so we don’t know how stupid they are. One last thing I am not outing anybody for any reason if you don’t know and you don’t deal with that person intimately then you don’t need to know, but what I want to know is when did all this sympathy come from for somebody on the “DL”? I mean it’s one thing to keep your business to yourself I can respect that your business is your business, but when you have these people who are involving regular women/men who sometimes are unaware of their behavior outside of their relationship with these guys who are sleeping with other men/women how do we defend that and have such sympathy for this behavior? I mean I understand society is not the most accepting especially in the black community of people who are gay, bi or other but to hook somebody else into your lie is just wrong. Why be so Judgemental of people who sometimes say I am sick of you and your lie and how you have hooked me into this lie and I am gonna tell the world about you and your inability to accept who you are and that how you are living is fowl!!! I mean this is no different than a married man who goes out, pretends to be single and dates a woman courts her and pretends she is the only one never telling her that he is married. This man would be looked at as a cheater and a deceiver and the reality is that he has unwillingly made her a mistress and there is no damn honor in being a mistress!!! Just like in my honest opinion there is no honor in being on the “DL”!!! I know people go though stuff and it scars them to a point but my sympathy is gone when you bring an “unknowing participant” into the lie. This is something that our community needs to seriously check and stop accepting the damn excuses for. Still it is not my place to throw their trash in the street but you get what I am saying.

  7. The comments here sure are interesting. Furthermore, there are plenty rich gay white guys who fuck black men. We are a hot commodity after all, when it comes to our sex appeal alone that cannot be denied. As much as many may claim to “not fuck with us” you will be surprised. You just wouldn’t know about it. When it comes to rich guys many of them get the highest tier, not randoms that will run and spill tea to Funky Dineva when they are burned. Meaning expensive escorts who look really good & are about their money.

    Also Terrell Carter (from X Factor) had an ex who happened to “out” him after a breakup and he was white. Messiness is in every community. Period.

  8. Kordell is an ex-NFL player. When have we ever looked at athletes as being smart people? LOL! Have you seen how many straight guys get blasted of these ratchet blog sites by groupies who’ve taken pics of them while sleeping?

    Nick Young, Usain Bolt, Odell beckham etc. have all been victim to this. Even in the U.K, there are always stories about groupies putting these soccer players on blast for cheating on their wives. Many are even high profile soccer players. Remember your intellect isn’t really a necessity to be successful as an athlete so sloppiness is inevitable with most of them.
    Many recording artists aren’t that different either. Justin Bieber, Zayn Malik and the list goes on.

    I know we’re talking about gay guys but I’m just pointing out that the famous men that fall victim to these “outings” typically aren’t really brain-smarts themselves.

    We can’t compare the likes of fashion designers such as Tom Ford, Olivier Rousteing etc. to the naive Kerry Rhodes, Kordell Stuart and the rest of these “entertainers” who are nothing but puppets being propped by a big machine behind them.

  9. Sorry for arriving late to the party.

    I’ve read this post and the comments stemming from it and I can aggree with some of the points stated. I do believe that it’s an uneven balance within the black community in terms of these outing scandals as opposed to other ethnic comminities. Has anyone thought that it may not seem as if the white community doesn’t have more of these scandals because we as blacks don’t pay attention to what the white community does? I’m sure there are instances where high profile white men have been outed, it’s just that they come from a community where they have less to lose and its less of a stigma.

    The black community, being on the cusp of 2016/1017 STILL has a complete fear of anything remotely gay. Until we can change the mindset of black people to show that a man isn’t less of a man if he loves his brother romantically, this outing bullshit won’t stop. Change the mindset of the black community, you take the sting out of being outed.

    To the black jackals that love to out (hey Markeith!), why? I need to know the logic behind it coming from someone that has outed another. You get into a relation or situation with a closeted man, he gives u good D or good tail, something happens that he has to break it off with you, and you out him. So he is outed to his friends and family. Now what? Time will pass, and people will deny the proof, forget, or accept and understand, and now you look like boo boo the fool. So what did you gain? Was outing him more pleasurable than the orgasms he handed to you when y’all were together? What purpose did it serve other than to shame someones sexuality? I need to know the logic. For me, I’m a gay man, but that’s not the only thing I have going for myself. Shouldn’t be the only thing going for you too.

    Every black person has the burden of being the representive of their race in America. It’s not fair but that is the truth. That being said, black gay men need to make moves that are more purpose driven when it comes to how we engage with one another. Senseless drama isn’t attractive.

  10. Let’s be real though.

    A lot of times these out dudes know what it is from jump street with closeted or DL dudes. Some even seek them out because they’re deemed more valuable and are not apart of the gay scene the out men seeking them are apart of.

    Most cases DL dudes are not hitting you with a bait and switch. They aren’t making promises of coming out and marrying you someday lol

    So how can you be mad when YOU sought out a dysfunctional, dead end situationship?

    Like I said a gay man, especially a black one, will go to a gay club and not deem anyone worthy of their time but will slice through 88 men like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill for one masculine, DL dude lol

  11. This thread is very interesting. I am late, but Jay is speaking a lot of truth on this topic, that is for sure. Drag em lol!

    In general, our people have the tendency to become upset with their partners and reveal certain things that are supposed to be private, even sometimes when the relationship is still in tact. In other words, our people have the tendency to air out the dirty laundry with the going gets tough. With most, it is all they know because they were probably raised in environments where the behavior was acceptable, and it has become a part of their culture. These same people often wonder the reasons athletes and other men deemed as successful choose to date outside of their race. I will admit, I am a revengeful person, but now I am more classy and handle it more intelligently. Trying to ruin another person’s life makes you weak in my opinion.

  12. i just think the problem is miscommunication and people having a false sense of reality. When great sex is involved feelings develop, some (not all) dl men give these gay men false hope that they’re going to be together and/or that eventually they wont have to live in secret OR the money dries up or the gay guy gets bitter when the setup ends. I know in my experiences when I’ve dealt with DL guys they tend to be clingy, and even possessive even and sometimes they think they own you, however i dont rely on a man to take care of me. I do’t look down on anyone who gets their coin, in the words of Paul mooney “an empty pocketbook and a wet ass don’t mix” however if you’re going to be that type of guy or girl, STACK your money…INVEST save, get things in your name these types of setups dont last because their will always be a nice phat ass, a new phat dick and/or wet mouth for these dl entertainers and millionaires to indulge in. I’m an out gay guy and have never outed anyone because honestly i’m not expecting a life off on the beach watching the sunset, but also I’m not for sale either. There has to be a balance and many of these gays aren’t exposing guys just because but for attention on social media, etc. Men and women alike these days are doing anything for fame and i think thats the problem, i don’t even think it’s about being gay or being an escort. Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world however nowadays people will damn near sell their souls to prosper smdh…

  13. I love this discussion. I graduated from Morehouse in ’99, and I stayed in arguments, beefs if you will, with jackals (is that the right word) that were used as cum receptacles in the wee hours of the morning by baller wolves with blue balls from the teasing vixens who said “stop, no” right before he slipped them the wood. These loud, out and proud Queens would speak to the dudes on the yard and either be completely ignored or the response would be less excited than the queen had anticipated.

    It became a problem when they start outing guys, athletes in particular. I mean, what were they expecting from a dude that called or knocked on your door at 3 in the morning to fuck your throat, ass or both for HIS relief. I can’t tell you how many of them I had to check and cut off. One, it’s just wrong; being gay or bi and having to hide it is more mental strain than many can handle. Two, like you said Jamari, it makes the rest of them leary of interactions with those of us with more sense. There are at least two possible relationships I missed out on and one that I found out about too late to do anything about it. We hooked up graduation night, and I have yet to find him on social media.

    It got worse when one of my gay “parents” was letting me use his car. He told me that he needed me to drop someone off since I was taking his ride. I’m like where they at; he said in the back bedroom. I always slept on the couch where the big TV was. He got real antsy and was like I’m trusting you to keep your mouth closed. I’m like about what, yo business is yo business. Turned out to be a dude I knew and was cool with. It broke my heart and pissed me off that they were both so afraid of what I might do. Dude was silent from Buckhead to I-20 before he was like what did he tell you. I asked what he meant and dude damn near cried. He was relieved because he thought I was “playing dumb” when all I was ever told was to keep my mouth closed. I didn’t even know dude was there until I got ready to leave that morning.

    My take down of outing bitches went into overdrive after that. I dared a bitch to out someone in my presence or in my realm of influence. Life is already too fucking hard out here when you’re Black, Male, Intelligent, and Talented in these yet to be United States of America. Throw in LGBT, and you have a recipe for therapy. I did not and will not EVER stand by and watch someone be outed, especially in our community because Black folks are HELL on the gays!!!

      1. LMMFAO!!!!! In all honesty, sir, you are an inspiration. Glad you enjoyed my commentary. I’m trying to be like you when I grow up. The plans for my blog are in the works. I hope you will chime in from time to time. You, and those like you, remind us all what social media could and should be, a place to come together, discuss ideas, and collaborate in ways unheard of. The occasional MEAT and ping leakage views are an added bonus.

  14. Jamari,
    When you get a chance, google “20 Gay Celebrities Who Were Outed Against Their Will” to get some more perspective.

    Some of the stories will shock you, like the fact that Ricky Martin was outed by his own makeup artist. Apple’s CEO Tim Cook was outed by a journalist in a rather flippant way while the journalist was being interviewed on a panel.

    So the point is, this isn’t specific to “our” community. Mess is mess and it comes in all colors.

  15. One last thing while it’s on my mind. @Jamari, did you cover the story of Tim Geither’s brother being outed by a porn star turned escort? Tim Geither, as you are aware, was President Obama’s Secretary of the Treasury. His brother, David Geither, the guy who was outed, works at Condé Nast as the company’s CFO. Condé Nast is the publisher of Vogue, Vanity Fair, ect. That was probably the biggest outing story of 2015. I think the issue here is that there’s a selection bias. How many of us are really checking for old white men in high places being outed? If you look, they’re not hard to find.

"off topic", trolling, and other nonsense gets sent to my spam folder. other than that, play nice and let's discuss!