thats what thing 2 said to me today.
hell thats what a lot of people say to me.
i faked a smile.
i always do.
i can say that even tho i feel blessed,
and i have a lot to be thankful for,
i have a “sadness” that rests on me.
now don’t get me wrong,
i am a “cheerleader” in many lives.
i am strong,
and people always gravitate towards me,
but often wonder what would make me happy?
the wolf of my dreams?
star fox and my parents coming back from the dead?
work wolf admitting his feelings for me?
i don’t know.
i guess i’ll know when it happens.
when i can say “this is what i been waiting for”.
as of right now,
i feel at the bottom.
ironically many animals within my forest think i am at the top.
maybe i expect too much?
maybe i spend too much time in my head?
i’m always trying to solve issues or figure shit out.
i never had the luxury to just being chill.
its always “something”.
that new wolf got suspended.
he might be fired.
he deserves it.
along with my work,
i had his whole pile of unfinished work and projects to do.
that frustrated me.
how can one smile through that?
at that moment?
it might be small to some,
but its annoying to me.
he spent his days being reckless and an asshole to me,
but i’m left to do his work?
so whats happiness to me?
i don’t know.
that’s an honest answer.
wining the lottery?
being able to live off my career?
giving back to charity?
dating any wolf that i set my eyes on?
again: i don’t know.
all of those things come with there own set of issues.
i know everyone has issues.
i learn that as i post within the foxhole.
i admire the ones whose eyes still smile.
i pray i can get to that point.
if it ever happens at all.
there were many out here smiling and ended up killing themselves.
you know the stories.
the ones you you can’t believe took their own lives.
they had “everything”,
but was still missing something.
so maybe my sadness is actually my honesty?
i might be sad,
but you know what you’re getting.