“you look sad.
your eyes always look sad.”
thats what thing 2 said to me today.
hell thats what a lot of people say to me.
i faked a smile.
i always do.
honestly speaking…
i can say that even tho i feel blessed,
and i have a lot to be thankful for,
i have a “sadness” that rests on me.
now don’t get me wrong,
i am a “cheerleader” in many lives.
i am strong,
and people always gravitate towards me,
but often wonder what would make me happy?
more money?
the wolf of my dreams?
power?
sex?
star fox and my parents coming back from the dead?
work wolf admitting his feelings for me?
i don’t know.
i guess i’ll know when it happens.
when i can say “this is what i been waiting for”.
as of right now,
i feel at the bottom.
ironically many animals within my forest think i am at the top.
maybe i expect too much?
maybe i spend too much time in my head?
i’m always trying to solve issues or figure shit out.
i never had the luxury to just being chill.
its always “something”.
that new wolf got suspended.
he might be fired.
he deserves it.
along with my work,
i had his whole pile of unfinished work and projects to do.
that frustrated me.
how can one smile through that?
at that moment?
it might be small to some,
but its annoying to me.
he spent his days being reckless and an asshole to me,
but i’m left to do his work?
so whats happiness to me?
i don’t know.
that’s an honest answer.
is it:
wining the lottery?
being able to live off my career?
giving back to charity?
dating any wolf that i set my eyes on?
again: i don’t know.
all of those things come with there own set of issues.
i know everyone has issues.
i learn that as i post within the foxhole.
i admire the ones whose eyes still smile.
i pray i can get to that point.
if it ever happens at all.
funny enough,
there were many out here smiling and ended up killing themselves.
you know the stories.
the ones you you can’t believe took their own lives.
they had “everything”,
but was still missing something.
so maybe my sadness is actually my honesty?
i might be sad,
but you know what you’re getting.
lowkey: these are just thoughts today.
i was having a bad day.
this is just a vent.
i needed to write this.
What’s real sad is a lot of people believe depression is cowardly Tyra Sanchez the drag queen bad some choice words for those who choose suicide …yall check it out when u can …Jamari I’m on the same page as u
Keep looking up! This too shall pass!!
Okay, J. I will be your cheerleader. Anyway I always wanted to be cheerleader back in school, so give me J, give me an A, give me a M, give me another A, give me R, give me an I and what that spelled? Sexy rowr
Always vent to us Jamari, you have to express your feelings man there is nothing wrong with that. You will be fine I hope a spot opens up soon and you can talk to someone.
We all have those days Jamari. I know exactly how it feels and I ask myself those questions too. Like Mikey said its ok to vent. It helps!
I hope all will be well soon! 😄
It’s ok Vent it all out, I’m right along with you on this post. I had to vent out a bunch of stuff o was feeling to my “wolf” friend last night.
LOL I would’ve said you’d be sad too if you had to come to this place everyday.
Jamari things will get better, there is always the light that makes the shadow. Maybe you had it before and maybe it appears gone right now but you will always find it again and be balanced for a time. Thats what I have gathered in my life so far and I wished to share some words with you 🙂