i’m starting to think dealing with other folks is like ^that maze above.
some days,
you think you’re on the right path and direction.
the next,
you bumping into dead ends and falling through trap doors.
one of the reasons i sit my ass down until I’M READY now.
i wish i did the same when dealing with males tho.
when dealing with the same sex,
it’s navigating in the dark with a lit match.
i’ve come to learn that everyone wants “control”,
but males are the worst with how they go about it.
take this “straight” wolf that loves to boldy flirt with me…
…the moment i return the favor,
he dead ass left me in the cold.
nothing worst than someone flirting with you,
but as soon as you do it,
they pull that vanishing act.
well this wolf,
who will send me texts about the most random shit,
went cold on me a few days ago.
he opened up the closet door and gave the impression to walk in.
foxhole,
you know those “types”.
you know when someone is trying to control the narrative.
from sex to a connection,
they’ll open the door and then shut you out for whatever reasoning.
it’s like males use me as an emotional blow up doll.
i sit in the closet,
looking pretty and feeling lonely,
while some “straight” wolf emotionally ejaculate in me.
they know they can get their mental and emotional needs met over here.
a majority of them are “straight”.
they cum to me because their vixens don’t do it.
i’m dependable and loyal so i guess they take advantage of that.
the out gay ones don’t really cum for me at all.
gay males aren’t any better.
i have this power that makes males very daring and comfortable.
in between that,
they want to secretly fuck my brains out.
as soon as i’m ready to take control of the situation,
because they have led me into being emotionally soaking wet,
they shut the closet door and bolt that muthafucka.
so i sit in there until some other wolf wants to blow me up again.
its really frustrating
i’ve learned a while ago that most males want to be in control.
they want to control their social media image.
so that means getting naked for their own pages.
they want to control how the respond to text messages/phone calls.
so that means you may left unanswered until they’re ready to deal with you.
they want to control their emotions.
so that means they will bottle them up until ready to explode.
they want to control their same sex desires.
so that means they will fuck with your head until they’re (not) ready.
they want to control the sex.
so that means they’ll selfishly fuck you while thinking about their own nut.
they want to control how they date.
so that means they may lead you just far enough before they lose interest.
once males realize you ain’t dealing with their control issues,
they suddenly want to:
a) come back around and scream “i’ve changed”
b) paint you as the enemy to all those who will listen
listen i am “TIED” of being the emotional blow up doll for everyone,
but i’m seeing i do it worst when it comes to males.
it wastes a lot of energy,
plus you can end up only being used for someone else’s pleasure.
i can admit that it comes from a lonely place with me.
i’ve always gotten off to emotional connections than physical ones.
i guess after being used and abused,
but still trying to remain optimistic,
i’m literally getting the emotional bottom of the barrel now.
hmm.
lowkey: it’s so funny how they say dating vixens is hard work.
i’m starting to think that’s a lie to control the narrative.
Jamari where is “The Man” I am waiting on his insight on this topic. Find him!!!
@Mikey – YES! Just how they check us on the spot if we do ‘homo’ shit, we should do the same!
But…what if…
Nevemind I’ll leave it at that 😒
I don’t know Over it, I think apart of it is our fault in a sense because we allow ourselves to get swept up in it. Granted there are these types of men that are able to sniff out the kind of gay men to do this with like Jamari said awhile ago. it’s been said on here that a lot of gay men (NOT ALL) over analysis the actions or words these kind of men say or do. Like what if the moment these the flirty joke or the questioning behavior first happens we nip it in the bud, thus putting up a wall and making intentions clear, I don’t think we would have to worry about having egg on our face in the long run.
what fucks us up is we take those moments and start thinking of the what if’s and trying to figure out every look, joke, moment, when it could all be nothing on their end.
After much thought and reading the comments, is all of this actually our fault? I think most of the foxhole is attracted to the idea and optics of a “straight acting and appearing” or “masculine leaning” man. I hate to say it, but in my experience there are less of these types of men in the black gay community. I think straight men somehow know that that’s what we like, so they exploit it. They probably look at us as the insecure fat chick. In other words they’re thinking, “gays have expendable income and they like to shop and buy nice things. if I show him some attention, he might trick off on me. Or if I give him a sob story about a bill I need to pay, he’ll pay it off or give me something on it.” We become his trick-off bitch without even reaping the benefits of getting the dick. I think about how my barbers have always been extra flirty, touchy feely, and complimentary. It’s all to get that tip each week because they understand that same principle. They funny thing is, they typically don’t treat their non-tipping customers any differently than me. So why go the extra mile to tip? (I’m just in my thoughts 🤣😂🤣) But it’s games and shenanigans
Damn this sounds like a common theme in the foxhole and let me add myself to the list who has a Str8 dude who at this time in my life right now has fucked up my mind. Everything that everyone else has said is so on point. It is like a drug with the dude I deal with that I cant stop smoking. It is so much I want to say on this topic and I have wrote and rewrote a book and erased it before I posted tonight, literally been writing a response for over an hour only to keep starting, stopping and erasing. Let me say speaking for myself, that physically attractive str8 dudes who identify as str8 are a weakness and I am literally dealing with a situation that happened earlier today with this dude that left me angry and upset but I cant blame anybody because I know better and knowing that, I can do better. These dudes will use you to stroke their egos and take away all your emotional energy only to never return the favor and leave you empty. This is another in a long line of entries that have spoke to me directly, leaving me to do some much needed mental homework.
J, it may be assignment time again, you have not assigned any mental homework in awhile. I know the Teachers are on strike but your students need you LOL!
Tajan I’m right there with you, this post spoke to me so much I had to stop many times as well while writing my comment just to get my thoughts out .
Straight wolves playing the emotional game with me has happened to me a good amount of times. At first I use to like it when the straight wolves would treat me different than the other guys, now it’s exhausting. Around late last year I started conversing a lot with this buff wolf that works at my job. Our conversations ranged from everyday living, to fitness, to his baby mama, and just a lot of other stuff. Dude started to do questionable things to me like always finding a way to touch me, staring in my eyes, standing way to close to me when we talked. I actually remember one day I was bent over and this dude stood behind me and rested his hand on my lower back. This went in on for at least 6 months. So one day I low key flirted back with him, and invited him over to my spot. This wolf said bro that kind of sounds gay. I had no words for him, but to fall back and limit my interactions with him.
sometimes you have to take control while letting them think they are in control. let them initiate , peep the game, let them do all of the inviting, touching, talking …this gets them comfortable and at ease. all the while you know the deal and just wait ..dont invest more or less. males want to stay in control or at least think they are in control
most hetero marriages last because the male thinks they are in control but if he really in love.he will be at her every beck and call.
^hmmm that makes sense tony!!!!
it’s true. every male married more than 5 years thought they were in control but know if the wife asks…everything stops.
l totally feel where you’re coming from. I have had several encounters with men who have flirted with me, stroked my ego, and given me the idea that they might be attracted to me. There is one guy in particular who knows that I am gay, but is cool with me coming to his house and chilling with him. The last time I was at his house, we drank and smoked. The vibe was very chill. In the midst of us talking, dude got hard was trying to make sure that I saw it. The tripped out part about it is that when I was over to his house previously, I made a comment about him wearing sweat pants because his bulge was evident. At that time, he said “stop being so gay!” But now it’s cool for him to get hard in front of Of me? These so called curious men are just full of games, so if you want to deal with them you’re going to have to be patient.
^THE WORST.
@Over It – Yes, full of games and annoyance. I can’t do mind games. I’m a brooder sometimes, I’ll analyze a casual situation so deeply…For my mental health, I’ll keep those curious pineapples at a safe distance 😒
First let me say I’m sorry you’re going through this, as someone who has been in this situation a few times I know it’s never a good position to be in. For these situations with dealing with these straight, bi curious, DL we tend to get caught up , (and yes I know that open gay men can use others as an emotional blow up doll ) but with these type of men it’s different. They will flirt with you, be comfortable to open up to you about things they can’t tell others, and put you in a mindset that something could happen. The part where we get caught up is in the maybes and the could happens, we get comfortable and then bold and try to do the same thing and it leaves us with egg on our face. The moment we do the same thing we are put in this box of being some kind of predator who’s crossing the line or something
There are a few options we have
1.) Either keeping dealing with these types but realize that they’re going to control the narrative and you will have to let them. These type of pineapples don’t want to be called out on jokes or flirtatious behavior because the moment it is called out on they get scared and start thinking “whoa, I’m a straight guy who’s treating this gay guy like I would a vixen, let me stop.” We could do that and wait god only know how long something sustainable comes from it.
2.) Try to deal with more out gay guys , open ourselves up to dealing with niggas who we know like men so there is no questioning on if the flirting is real or just an ego stroke . (BUT because we like a certain type of guy and the number of those type of out gay men who are readily available is low, and pickings are slim.)
3.) The moment we come into contact with these type of men, think rationally do not think in the regards of a coulda, woulda, shoulda, or maybe. Keep them at arms reach let what ever flirtatious or questionable jokes or behavior fall by the waste side and don’t allow ourselves to get caught up in it.
^its like both ends of the spectrum are horrible.
one side is stifled because of their curiosity.
the other side is stifled because of their freedom.
throw most of the males away.
How did the conversation go? That led up to the blockade?
This post is so true. I’m dealing with the gay users, who only want one thing cause they can’t get it from someone else or they want to say they had me. It’s not happening; not on my watch. I wish people would consider other people’s feelings when they decide to enter someone else’s life, especially when there is no long term goals (growing friendship and/or relationship). Everything is so what can you do for my now.
^”i wish people would consider other people’s feelings when they decide to enter someone’s life, especially when there is no long term goals…”
i felt a chill with that one ☝🏽
I’m actually just about to cut someone off to be honest 🤷🏽. About a month ago They approached me spitting all this game bout “you gonna be mine”, “are you talking to other niggas”, etc etc. I approached the situation cautiously cause I would rather have a friend considering I’m not looking for a relationship nor NSA sex/FWB. We stayed texting consistently for about a week, the end of the week actually going to see a movie. Then texting got inconsistent week 2, and I’d be waiting on replies all the while I’d see them actively posting on Insta for hours 😂. So on that note they finna get clipped.
I have a wolf at my job who says little sh*t here and there. He’ll make flirty remarks in passing, especially when I get that fresh cut/line up. He’ll call me ‘booboo’ or ‘snack’ or ask who I’m looking good for. I humbly play it off because I don’t know if he’s serious or messing with me because he knows I’m gay and using me to stroke his ego.
So when I did decide to test the waters and clapback with my own flirty comment, I called him handsome, awkwardness was all over his face LOL. Oddly he was really cool with this older co-worker, who was openly gay. I remember him telling me how he was gonna get the wolf drunk so they could mess around, and other creepy shit, yet he’s standoffish with me? I chalked it up as maybe he felt more comfortable with him because they did ‘man’ sh*t together.
I’ll admit he is attractive and I have had sexual thoughts about him but he fucked so many vixens at our job it’s crazy. If he did approach me, I would have to decline, I can’t add myself on his body list. Plus he’s messyAF, wouldn’t end well.
^that “messy af” part is where it would end.
you can’t mess with a messy ANYONE and it work out in your favor.
i know that all too well.
*nods in agreement*
Funny you mention control, because let one of his vixens step out of line and try to talk to another wolf co-worker, he’ll say little messy shit to make the other wolf less interested or make the vixen feel bad or have the vixens beefin’ wit each other. I slightly feel embarrassed for liking him a bit because he’s really trashy behind that fake charm Smh.
Jamari can I ask you something? I know you said a few times that out gays don’t really mess with you like that, why? You attract a lot of ‘straight’ wolves and dl types so outties should gravitate towards you as well. I’m very curious… 🤔
^honestly i don’t know.
i don’t actively chase males like that,
it’s been a lot of games on their end tho.
the dl,
discreet,
and confused crowd loved me.
comfort and curiosity,
maybe?
Nothing worse than being built up to being let down, i had to learn that shit the hard way, and when you finally get tired of dealing with their bullshit, you’re the enemy, I say fuck them, but I make sure I stay fit and look good so that everytime they see me, they can only wish.
^yup!
but the sad part is,
most of them don’t care.
they don’t care if we look good or got money now.
some reach out with intent to use us,
a small few regret,
and the rest find someone new to fuck and fuck with.