37 thoughts on “I Only Pick Pretty Flowers In The Garden”

1. I know I am a little late to the party posting about this topic, but somehow I missed this little gem of a post. Let me tell you an interesting story on this very topic 🙂

   I had this dude hit me up about 5 months ago on social media asking me if I was a trainer, I usually learned to ignore this as time has shown that these dudes use this as a line to get next to you. He seemed sincere telling me that he was involved in a car accident and he had gained a crazy amount of weight from depression and not being able to work out. I just offered him support and slowly we started talking through DM and finally I gave him my number and we started texting each other. He was always so complimentary towards me and made me feel like I was one of the wolves featured on the foxhole telling me he wished he looked as good as me etc. Although he was a heavy dude he was still handsome and I told him that he didnt need to put himself down and he could lose the weight. I found myself drawn to his humble personality. The shallow side of me can be honest and say, on first glance I would probably not gave him much thought due to his size, but when I started getting to know him, I saw he was a good person but had issues with his confidence. Believe me, I have been there many times.

   Well here is the dilemma, I decided to invite him out to hang out to just to get to know him better. I saw him out one time before we started communicating but never have seen him out since. He told me that he is not a very social person and he does not go out much. I can respect that so I invited him out to Starbucks just for coffee and conversation. He first said okay and then he canceled. We continued to talk, I wanted to have a convo in person instead always in text, sometimes things can get lost in translation. We talked on the phone a couple of times, but it is something about in person that will make or break whether I even want to continue to see you on different level. Fast forward today after five months he has yet to make time for us to hang out. I didnt want to overplay my hand, but I have tried many times for us to hang out and get to know each better. True, I have not come out and said, hey I really like you but I have told him that I would like to hang out with him, and he has never really came out and told me this either. I really think that he is scared to hang out with me thinking I will judge him or something crazy like that or he does not think I can like him because he is overweight. He always says little things to down himself, and when I tell him something positive he never seems to believe it. I wanted to give him a chance, but honestly his lack of confidence has turned me off. I can now see the mistakes I use to make before I started working out and gaining confidence in myself. I am still a little intimidated around more buff guys, and it seems in my mind, my flaws are more noticeable, but I also have gained greater confidence and I need someone who is going to be confident and positive about themselves. So sometimes, it may not be the pretty boys and attentionista’s who are the bad guys. I dont think it is nothing wrong with going for the pretty boy if you have that same level of confidence in yourself, if not dont because you will come off insecure and will run the person away. I am trying to see the potential in others when I see dudes, being that I know where I came from. I really wanted to get to know this guy better but he blocked it with his own doubts about himself. I can already see that he would probably let me run all over him. Maybe it is for the best that he keeps putting me on the back burner with all of his excuses for not hanging out.

2. Lol good luck finding somebody that is “good looking with a ton of money”. Those are the ones with the worst attitudes ever. If you know you look good and on top of that have a lot of money as well, just imagine the narcissism that will take over your head?

   That’s why so many good looking guys settle for those rich average looking men because they usually are more attentive since they don’t stare at themselves all day. Now don’t get me wrong, people with a lot of money ain’t sh*t either. They rub it all in your face when they want something from you and can easily snatch it back when convenient.

   I’ve turned down so many guys who look like the guys in your daily “MEAT” posts because I just can’t get past a stank attitude, especially if all your offering is DICK. Which is a dime a dozen. Sir please exit stage left. If I was an old guy who couldn’t get any play then maybe I’d kiss your ass but that clearly isn’t the case. I mean damn you’re not offering me a ferrari or trying to pay my bills. All you want is a quick nut and you expect me to come running over because you look like a ninja turtle on roids? I can’t. I actually stopped talking to some dude 2 weeks ago because he was very controlling and gave me a damn interview over the phone before we were planning to meet up. It’s not that deep.

   But it seems like everyone is looking for that type of guy with a great body, face and have a nice bank account as well and that is very far-fetched in this world that we live in. Chances are a guy like that will only settle for another very good looking guy and drop him like a bad habit when he gets bored. Hell they might not even “settle”.

3. Wrong.

   After chance encounters with slim or feminine men I learned there are things I find attractive about both.

   I realize I’m different. You could know me for years and never be able to pick out “my type”. I’m fluid in what I like.

   I actually take pride in that because if I ever wanted to seriously date a guy I’d have plenty of options.

   Most gay men are not dating material in my opinion and their values aren’t conducive to a long term partnership so I’d reserve thy privilege for women when and if I want to date seriously.

4. J. R. Martinez Dancing with the stars. Google him. Now to me he is a beautiful spirit. He could get it.

   1. I want to make it clear I am NOT saying we should lower standards and not seek out attractive people. I AM saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What ever you consider attractive, go for it. That’s how it should be. But because someone isn’t up to a certain standard in one persons viewpoint doesn’t make them of lesser value or of a lower standard to someone else who might find them attractive.

5. Jamari,

   First, you’ll never find anyone else that does the things I do…I’m just sayin lol. Seriously though.

   Secondly, I’ve interacted with guys online for years and when I finally saw him he wasn’t my narrow idea of what’s attractive at the time, but we had shared so many intimate details of our lives he was still attractive to me.

   Same thing stands with you. Once we’ve vibed on a mental level, I can’t put you into that unattractive category. Doesn’t mean there’s potential for a relationship but I’ve opened myself up and maybe learned about a few qualities you possess that I’m attracted to that I wasn’t aware of. I’d be better for that.

   Whenever someone criticizes about the importance of looks you always go to the opposite extreme as if someone is dooming you to date someone you find hideous.

   What paulyrical is saying is that sometimes interaction with someone you may not initially find attractive might cast a different light on them and just maybe open you up to something new.

   However most of you seem content to walk around and be Ray Charles to anyone that doesn’t fit into your box.

   1. ^here is the thing…

      whenever i say i like “such and such”,
      someone would always down me for my choice.
      it was always some cornball who was low key trying to get at me.
      they would try to cock block my desires.

      not saying you all do that.

      that has become a defense mechanism of sorts.
      its like you tell your parents you want to a movie star,
      but they think you should be a doctor.
      so you go to college,
      get the degree,
      and then realize you never wanted to be a doctor.
      you did it anyway because you heard they make “good money” or “its the better choice”.

      i love all the things paul described,
      but i need my meter moved in the progress.
      he just has to fit my mold.

      1. We all want the man who fits our molds and no one is telling you to lower your standards. What if you find your molded man and you make a commitment. A year later he is in a car accident and his face is disfigured and he looses a limb. In his recovery he looses his physical fitness. What will you do then?

      2. ^yeah.
         i’m not a complete he-bitch.
         LOL

         regardless if its not the mold or not,
         that could be the answer for some.

         the same should also be asked for ourselves.
         would that mold or not stick around?
         we put a lot of emphasis on what “they” would do,
         but what about us?

      3. Is it wrong to want an great interaction with someone you seem attractive. I don’t think Jamari is saying some guy has to be a model or anything. We all like what we like and I feel like when people express that, they get thrown to the wolves for doing it.

         lets flip the script, on this blog alone there has been hate on feminine gay men. A lot of ya won’t give there kind of guys the time of day as far as dating them.

         1. ^well damn mikey.
            check mate.

            “no more mr. nice guy” working out for ya.

6. when we meet ANYONE,
   we see the outward package first.
   from real life to movies,
   it is always about what looks good to the animal.
   after looks,
   you both start to talk and see if you have anything in common.
   that is when you both assess if you want to be in each others lives.
   that seems to be a perfect world.

   the gay community contradicts itself.
   some like “looks” when its convenient.
   its usually the top thing on a jack’d/grindr profile,
   but its something different when it comes time to fucking.
   some of those same good looking or drop dead animals mess with some real beasts.
   who do these fine ig attentionistos usually get caught up and exposed with?
   the complete opposite of what they usually like.
   sex doesn’t require a “look”.
   ive seen some whales on xtube getting some fine ass wolves in them.
   i’ve also seen some stick figures getting good dick too.
   the problem is we base how we look on how good we fuck.
   if we stopped putting all our effort in how someone is in bed,
   and getting to know one another,
   we might get into shit for more than 3 weeks.

   it is all one giant mind fuck.
   i know for me,
   i like him to look good and be good to me.
   i don’t think that should be a problem.

   1. One of my biggest regrets in life is that I let a great guy get away because he didn’t measure up to my standards at the time in the looks dept. He was so skinny and he didn’t dress well but he treated me like a prince. In my lonely periods I’d hook up with him. He wanted more from me. He made me feel so loved and special. He said things to me I had never heard before. Yet something in me felt I wanted someone who looked like what I was attracted to. So I never would go down that road with him. I’ve been with quite a few men who had the “look” I was after, none have ever made me feel as he did. The thing is you don’t even realize how you messed up your own happiness until years later when you look back on it. By then it’s way to late and you just chalk it up to a good memory. It kind of stings when you are still single years later still out here trying to find someone to treat you the way that one guy you ignored did.

      1. ^i have the same story…

         i met a wolf.
         couple years ago.
         he was GORGEOUS.
         beautiful face and he was working on his thick muscular bawdy.
         i loved the way he flirted with me.
         it was a fun.
         he would say shit to me,
         but i had no choice but to respond in the same way.
         we matched in many ways.
         i loved talking to him.
         we talked every day.
         he was also in college and he was extremely smart.
         i remember i was hungry and he randomly brought me food.

         i ruined it with my own shit.

         my insecurities and his clashed after a while.
         he thought i was trying to use him.
         i was trying to prove i wasn’t like everyone he dealt with.
         in his own,
         he saw it that way.

         that is my regret.
         so he was my type,
         in all areas,
         but i needed to get my own shit together.

         sometimes we are the assholes and don’t even realize it.

   2. J, these “whales & beasts” are the ones with the COINTS that’s why Lmao! Most of the good looking guys ride on their looks to get by and have a massive ego. They will never compliment you and will just use you to get what they want. The not-so good-looking guys aren’t any different however they know how to word their thoughts to get what they want and they can throw in money. So imagine a good-looking guy with an ego planning to hook up with another one? When you’re narcissistic, nothing is ever enough for you so of course you’re going to go after the highest bidder. Sex with an equally-attractive person is good for them, but what happens after that? How is that going to benefit your everyday life? Not to mention a lot of these guys like to live a hyped up facade on social media pretending to live a life that they don’t live and cannot afford. Getting a nut from a cute guy with zero funds won’t solve that. I’m not saying it’s right but that’s how many of these guys operate.

      And let’s keep it real, Grindr & Jack’d is based on hooking up. That’s arguably what most people on a general scale use it for. So on that note, superficiality is going to be maximized times 10. Because a lot of people on there just want a quickie.

7. There is a such thing as standards being too high as if pertains to appearance. For one, social media has ruined people’s perception of themselves and other people as I have said before, it has. This time last year, I decided to end my anti-social media stance, I decided to create a Tumblr page, I know, out of all the things to join. Overwhelmed would be an understatement. Back to my point though, I’ll see so many people rate and undervalue themselves compared to other people they see online, which is a problem, and all while they are good looking themselves. I’ll see college students who are in school getting an education comparing themselves to a buff gym rat who is unemployed with no life goals or plans, it speaks volumes to people’s priorities and what them deem as important.

   Standards to me has nothing to do with looks, it is all about what the man can do for me. Does he have a career? Does he have an education? Does he have his own place or is trying to get one? Can he treat me nice and return my calls? These men will drive two hours to hook up with a bearded, big bodied 25 year old man who is sleeping on an air mattress at his friend’s house. Am I wrong? This is the reason many people will be in their 40’s still searching for a fantasy type, it is quite sad.

   1. I get “muhfuckin tied” of saying the same thing over and over so I’m just consigning everyone else.

      I agree with paulyrical when he said most gay guys are inexperienced and know nothing about love o devotion, just lust.

      At this point in my life, I go on how you make me feel. If we can talk forever and it isn’t just about sex and we can come to a mutual point where we want to be a unit and support each other that’s priority number one.

      There’s an ocean of dudes I find attractive. That ain’t enough.

      Sometimes we all gotta sit and ponder “why has my love life consisted of a long string of crushes and almost, kinda, never was relationships?”

      1. ^but see that’s unfair to say that.

         like…
         jay you are great.
         we talk all the time and i love your conversation.
         if i’m not feeling what you look like,
         but i don’t want to be alone,
         then i’m going to “deal” with you.
         you’re gonna want to fuck me and ima be like:

         “ugh”

         when someone else comes along and does everything you do,
         and what i’m looking for,
         then i’ll leave you/cheat on you for them.

         then i’ll be the “hoe that broke your heart”.
         the one who you expect “karma” to hit.

         if i look like a beast to you,
         or my ass isn’t poundable enough,
         you can’t say you would deal with me on that level either.
         if that was the case,
         you’d be in happy committed relationship right now.
         ALL OF US would be instead of fighting off those who we aren’t attracted to in the least.

         we all have a preference in the outward.
         it doesn’t have to be drop dead gorgeous either.
         “something” about “someone” needs to stimulate us.

         am i wrong for thinking this?

8. I can tell by these comments that most of yall are really young and have never experienced real love and devotion. When you are with somone who puts you first, above anyone else. Does what ever he can to make sure you have a good day. Is there to take care of you when you are sick. Works hard to make sure that you have a good life and nice things and willing to fight to protect you even if you are in the wrong, it becomes less about his looks and more about who he is as a person and how he treats you. You’d be surpised how good looking a guy becomes when he treats you good and also how ugly he can become when he doesn’t.

   1. I agree. if a man does not put you first and make sure you are ok, then you really do not have a man at all.

   2. THIS 100%

   3. Bruh!!!!!!!!!!!

      I don’t know you, but I respect you…sincerely. I was wondering if it was just me!

      We’re on the same page! I’d shake your hand right now.

   4. ^so basically what you’re saying paul…

      is even if we ARE attracted to everything you describe,
      but the animal is NOT what we are attracted to,
      then we should still try something with them anyway?

      1. No I’m saying do what you feel is right for you but at the same time trust your feelings more than your eyes.

   5. Preach!! Young guys think that loving a less attractive guy is settling but being alone isn’t. They’d rather stand in line outside the bedroom of an IG professional than get a mortgage with a regular guy.

      1. !!!!!!

   6. I agree with Paulyrical on this one. There are more important things in this world than looks. I don’t compare to people that are deemed “really” good looking, I view myself as average, so for me, what’s more important is how you make me feel and vice versa. Fantasies are for teenagers. It’s okay to like what you like, but when it comes to two REAL people, you have to realize that it’s about compromise. Okay great, you got the perfect “fantasy” type, but are YOU? If you’re not, then why do YOU deserve a “fantasy” type? You might not realize that some people are making these types of compromises for you, because they might realize that there are things that are more important, that trump looks: character, personality. disposition, how YOU make them feel as a person, not just a walking fantasy with the sole purpose of pleasing YOU. This is the beginning of what constitutes LOVE, not love in the “in love” sense, but the concept of love in general, being in a healthy, loving relationship.

      The last sentence rings true for me, your attitude and behaviour really do affect the attractiveness meter, even if I wasn’t “checking” for you physically before, that unknown element makes that person a lot more intriguing, or straight up ugly. This is the truth. This isn’t just relationships, it starts at home. I’m very close to some of my family members and they were the first ones to teach me what REAL love is like. People that are capable of understanding me and loving me in this world, because of them I look for the same in friendships and wouldn’t tolerate any less in relationships. I can see with my eyes, what’s REAL and what’s superficial, because I’ve surrounded myself with these type of people my entire life, and I BELIEVE and commit to this value. I understand that not everybody has that, so the point of me bringing that up is to ask yourselves, where do these patterns start for YOU? and WHY? If all you know is dysfunction, it’s hard to expect anything more from people, and that’s a mentality that you have to take ownership of make the difficult decision and journey to change.

9. I can relate to this post so much, the face is pretty much how I see good looking not so much the body. A lot of the wolves I liked in the past had fantastic faces and ok bodies which I was cool with. In the past 3 years I had crushes on wolves who tend to look like the kind you post on here. My wolf “friend” that I have mentions before has face, height, and body and I think one of the main reasons why I can’t get over him and move on is because I’m afraid that I would be able to get someone who looks like that into me again.

10. I can relate to this post. I hate when I see people settle down out of loneliness including gay men contrary to what Jay believes because from my own experiences I have seen gay men settle down with men who are not their type at all and funny enough they end up more unhappy. I would never settle down with someone who I don’t find attractive because I know I will not fall in love, probably will cheat on him and leave him for that person who turns out to be my type

    1. ^i think jay has a point.
       many of us don’t even get approached to settle.
       either:

       you are only good to fuck
       you are not good enough

       it can fuck with your self esteem.

    2. I’ve seen it too Lindo shit I’ve though about it. I would get crashes on these good looking guys only to have ones I’m not attracted to hit me up.

    3. Please.

       Most gays don’t see any parts of a meaningful relationship that lasts more than 3 months..and that’s when they’re actually attracted to each other.

       So it would be extremely rare for two gay guys to enter a relationship with one or both parties not attracted when most of y’all don’t even entertain men you aren’t attracted to.

       1. Don’t get me started on the “long-term relationship” gays who ended up with an “open relationship” fucking the whole world because they get bored of their monogamy.

11. Too many animals settling out of loneliness? Where? I disagree.

    Women may do that because they actually want children and a family, but gay men don’t settle unless money or a place to stay is involved.

    1. ^okay you got me on that one jay.

12. 👏👏👏 Thank you, I agree completely.

    I’ve always tried to live by this. I may not agree with what some people like, but it’s their own unique preference. Most of the time we can’t explain why we’re attracted to something.

    1. ^sometimes it a mirror to who we are.
       sometimes its purely physical.
       sometimes,
       like you said,
       its UN-explainable.

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