we gotta stop coddling our favorite celebs.
we gotta stop coddling those we are attracted to.
we gotta coddling our friends and fam that go awry.
we gotta stop coddling.
there is this epidemic where if someone we like fucks up,
we will rush to their defense and throw verbal hands.
even if they were in the room,
with the knife,
and took a selfie over the dead bawdy.
certain stan bases…
i’m looking at you.
we never get anywhere in life surrounded by “yes” enablers.
it only makes us feel superhuman,
which can be dangerous.
i suspect this is why so many are out here looking a mess.
where are their friends?
family?
a foxholer?
now don’t get me wrong…
being spiteful is not good either
you know when someone is critiquing you out of spite.
you can tell,
right?
well here is a fox tip:
it’s like getting a shit cake.
heavy on the frosting; shit underneath.
the criticizing starts off covered in sweetness,
but you can smell the shit wafting underneath.
the shit underneath is jealousy,
envy,
or fakeness.
usually,
it’s hurtful and not helpful.
i think we need to stop coddling in 2017.
you know how appreciative i am when you guys tell me the truth?
from work to work wolf,
i got the dragging of my life.
it helped.
even though i have my moments,
i know i can come on here and get the truth.
That’s the foxhole way
so we need to start looking at everyone else the same way.
believe or not,
but a majority of folks respond to you better when you are honest with them.
“that outfit doesn’t flatter your physique.
why don’t you try this?”
“he/she isn’t right for you.
you are worth so much more than to be treated that way.”
“mariah..
that performance was terrible.
i’ll be perfectly honest with you.
you can do better and your management isn’t helping.
fire them immediately.”
“trey songz…
you are too old to be tearing up a stage like that.
leave that for the teeny boppers and justin bieber.”
sure,
there are some whose heads are far up their own asses.
i’d still tell them the truth.
i don’t care if you are the janitor or a big celeb/baller wolf.
they’ll realize what i was saying was legit later on.
so try accessing the situation before you reach for the “coddle”.
sometimes the other person is wrong.
their growth is developed by calling them on their mistake.
you become more honest and find your voice.
the other does better and keeps you in their circle.
a win for everyone.
And can we please also talk about the difference between critiquing or not always agreeing with someone and ACTUALLY hating. I’m so tired of this whole “if you ain’t 100% with me, you just hating” attitude everyone seems to have. You hit the nail right on the friggin hammer fox. Too much coddling goes on, I can even notice it in my own life. And being a sensitive person, even i get tired of ppl rather letting someone act a fool and then reinforce/enable them to continue that behavior. SMH.
Agreed. I’m in the camp that either I say nothing, or I tell you straight up respectfully, and I take that approach pretty much everywhere, even on this site. There’s a way to critique someone without attacking someone’s character. Critique is designed to be constructive. I try to be constructive when I speak, or I consider it to be fluff, unnecessary or inflammatory. Be direct, clear, and constructive. If people want to be immature, the intelligence just isn’t there to even entertain an argument. People would rather make something personal, and they just want to be right,instead of asking questions and accepting that it’s possible that you’re wrong. Because of course, we are all always right? (*rolls eyes*).
For those reasons, I rarely engage in arguments/debates with people anyways. People don’t want the truth, they want to be right. I just shut it down quick. I’ll leave that mess to those who have time to waste on getting angry for no reason lol.
I am so glad that I have friends and family that can be honest and real with me…and vice versa. They keep me grounded in reality and so do I. I have always said that if you have a relationship, whether a personal or friendship, if you can’t speak openly and honestly with one another…then that relationship is doomed to fail.
Sure you may be mad with one another for a short period of time, but you will get over it/past it if the relationship is genuine. I feel people use the word “friend” too loosely, and you need to really get to know a person before going there. The same with relationships, where people jump into the bed too quick with their partner, probably more so for fear of losing that person, before they really get to know that individual. And usually when they do find out about them…it’s too late.
Know the people in your life, see what they’re about. If they’re there for what you can give them, leave them alone. If they are giving just as much or equally to what you’re contributing…chances are you have someone good. Above all though, communication is the key. No yes me required!
Which is why I’m so glad my friend is like honest with me about everything I do I mean he wants me to find myself but he also lets me know my limits and where I shouldn’t go with my life. I really hope I can do that with my stanhood because I do not want to make any type of excuses for anybody that I fucks with.
I got too much of my own life I’m still trying to figure out lol I can’t throw any stones at anyone.
I keep saying we love to excuse people’s bad behavior and then wonder why they never learn shit.
^110%
One of my friends and former colleague posted something on FB about the whole Markeith expose thing and how we need to stop accepting fuckups and i had to share:
“This Markeith Rivers thing is crazy… And made me so sad. I’m sad that folks is still exposing DL guys, I’m sad the guy exposing them is now shot and on life support, I’m sad women were paying him to see evidence of their boyfriends and husbands caught in the act, and I’m sad that masculinity will have you out here trying to find yourself with any guy willing. I’m sad that hurt people still out here hurting people
I know so many straight gay guys it’s not even funny and, unfortunately, gay men are keeping the secrets for not out G/B men all over the world. Like there’s not one out gay man that doesn’t know a heap of straight gay guys… Married, kids, single, girlfriends whatever, they’re here… And gay men are holding their secrets, despite being bullied and maligned and criticized by those same men. Complex as it may be… I place ownership on gay men to increase self value. We don’t have to involve ourselves sexually with men who are not out. It’s not our job to out men who are not out and it is not our right to engage with them in private, especially when they have public lives we can’t enter. Like it’s got to stop… It’s sad. Anyway. That hurt my heart. We can all do better. We can all be more authentic and honest and loving and thoughtful and considerate… We can be better than this.”
^i lovvvvveeeeeeeee this!!!
deep!
I love this comment Malcolm.
I love this post! I think if someone that you love or someone that you are friends with or someone that you respect does something that is improper that you should call them out on it. Part of the problem is timing and knowing who will receive and respect your feedback. I NEVER want yes men/women around me! I want people that will challenge me, my thoughts, and my actions
^love this o!