Posted in A LIL TASTE OF JAMARI

How Do You Take The “Grr” Out of Anger?

   Published Date: July 26, 2017  15 Comments on How Do You Take The “Grr” Out of Anger?

“childhood is when you idolize batman.
adulthood is when you realize that the joker makes more sense.” – random quote i saw.

i am angry.
that brings out my inner werewolf.
i’ve been feeling this way for a while actually.
now i’m not some fox who will go to 100,
but i am someone who is still…

…holding onto the past.
the things that were done to me by hyenas and jackals i trusted.
the ones who never gave me closure.
i fell for the bait of kind words and actions.
it has left me really hurt and that has manifested into anger.

how many could actually confess that?
be honest with how they really feel?
not many.
most are sedating themselves with drugs,
alcohol,
random sex,
and this savage life of “hurt before being hurt”.
this social media age won’t allow too much honesty.
the image of perfection and “i got it together” runs deep for many.
for me:

I’m not perfect

i don’t want to be because i’m a mess.
i’m a work of art that is complex and layered.
albeit it has made me really creative and raised all my senses,
it has left me destroyed and searching desperately for happiness outside myself.
the good news is,
i can wipe the slate clean when meeting new people tho.
i’m an optimist in that sense,
although i’ve been really disappointed as of late.
i’m not all the way bitter,
but i do get angry when i realize how wrong i ‘ve been done.

the ones that hired me for these jobs
the ones who i thought liked me
the ones i thought were my friends
the ones who raised and abused me at the same time

 it has me feeling like i need to prove something.
like,
if i’m not successful,
they all “won”.
they are “winning” this imaginary life race,
but i’m left on the side of the road.
i’m not seeing my own wins,
but rather living life through the views of others.
is that wrong to admit that out loud?
probably.
i’d rather do that than:

live a life where i’m not honest about my feelings
hurt everyone because i’m fucked up

so i want to let that all go and start a clean slate within myself.
that has been on my “bucket list” for a minute.
i know that i won’t ever be successful if i don’t let go of the past.
i just don’t know how.

lowkey: i think this is why i’ve been on a super hero kick.
i start to cry when the superhero gets a win,
but also,
when he/she understands that humanity is really fucked up.

15 thoughts on “How Do You Take The “Grr” Out of Anger?”

  1. Pain is real, hurt is real, Survived every thing from molestation to an abusive relationship but it is over. Held on to that pain until I realized that I was hurting no one but myself and just let it go. The day I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do about the past except not let it be my reality today was the happiest day of my life.
    The people who have done you wrong have moved on with their lives and most likely doing fine because that is who they are , karma will catch up with them. Give them to the Universe it can deal with them better than you. Celebrate the wonderful loving person that you are and just love yourself enough to attract happiness. From what I read here you are smart, talented, and from your self description attractive, so celebrate the miracle that you are.
    You can not change the past so why hold on to it? I have to agree with the Brothers.

  2. I feel you I still find myself living in the past I do it with bad things and good things that have happened to me. I’m working on it because I am trying to move forward with my life but it can be hard at times. I usually start thinking about past things and when I’m going through a rough path in the present.

    I have daydreams all the times of those who wronged me running in to me and I’m looking how I want to and living my best life. and I need to stop it I shouldn’t be trying to prove nothing to nobody but myself.

    I think I’ve said this on here before but I’ll repeat my dad gave me advice on this years ago saying along the lines of ” You have to let go of that stuff, because while you’re up worrying about it and letting it affect you in different ways the people who did you wrong are sound asleep .”

  3. Here’s my thing. The people that have done me wrong in the past, I don’t fuck with them any longer. I’ll say hello and keep it moving, but if they think we’re establishing some kind of relationship/friendship again…it’s not happening. It takes a lot to get me to a certain point, but ignorance and lying are something I have little to no tolerance for. Those in my past received my trust, loyalty, money, whatever was needed. If you want to betray me because of jealousy or to impress others that you THOUGHT were your friend, so be it. I’m done. I’ll move ahead and not look back without a second thought. People say I’m cold. I say no, I learned things the hard way and when you show me your true colors, I make the determination of whether or not I will continue to deal with you.

    People say forgive and forget. I can forgive you, but it doesn’t mean I’m opening myself up to you again. Not gonna happen. I will never forget though. When you have that little voice inside telling you otherwise in the beginning, listen to it. 9 times out 10, it’s telling you right. I ignored that little voice, and the advice of others…and it came back to bite me on the ass big time.

    It didn’t make me angry, but it opened my eyes to the nature of the people around me. Those closest to you are the ones that will screw you over most/worst. My circle of friends is so much smaller now, and I only deal with like-minded people now. I can’t deal with people that are stuck in their glory days anymore. LOL

      1. It’s just knowing what you want to deal with in your life. Some of the people have “changed” and others are still doing the same foolishness. Like I said, I will be cordial, but that’s as far as it goes. You’ve shown me who you are, and I’m fine with it. I’ve moved on with my life, and I don’t need you in it as I once thought I did.

        It’s not wrong to admit it as you asked. If you question yourself and your actions, it will lead you to why you are where you are at the moment. Know what you want. Know what you will/won’t accept in your life. Be true to YOU.

        1. ^maybe chasing happiness is not good.
          happiness is actually a problem.
          maybe life is all about just figuring out what works and doesn’t in your life and striving for more…

          people are disappointing and expecting from others is worse.

      2. Exactly! Strive for more.

        I had a “friend” who told me when I had decided to go back to college that school/college was for uppity niggas and even if I got a degree I’d still be the low man on the totem pole because I’m black. Needless to say that brotha was cut loose with a quickness. LOL

        Meanwhile this fool still out there, in between jail stints, trying to be the big man on the block.
        Meanwhile everybody laughing behind his back. I ran into him once after one of his stints in jail, and he said I told you that you going back to school was gonna make you one of them uppity ass niggas. I said I’m not uppity at all. If you were my friend as you claimed you were, you would’ve shown support for my decision instead of shooting it down. If you’re scared of change, say it. Don’t knock me for wanting to better myself. We haven’t spoken in years after that conversation/confrontation.

    2. @ Christian!!!

      Get out of my head!! Those are my words exactly! Wow!! I’ve been stabled by everyone from family, friends, coworkers and thru it all I still rise! So now, watch out!

      What we don’t realize is that, if we are paying attention and not getting caught up in thinking we’ve loss something or someone because they are no longer in our lives, we can begin to see the infinite possibilities that are open to us!

      Not allowing the past to dictate our present thus insuring our future is free of all the clutter that was us, we can now begin to become the person we are meant to be! And it feels good!

      So say Thank you to all of those who are no longer apart of our lives! Thank them for removing themselves in whatever manner they did, so now I, we can enjoy life as it’s meant to be surrounded by like minded people.

      It is only when you free yourself can you be yourself!

      1. @Bernard…I thank them all the time for opening my eyes!

        I was once told that I’m being bitter and petty for holding on to the past. I told that person, let’s say you’re in an abusive relationship (and she was actually) and that dude hits you all the time, yet you continue to stay…when you get an opportunity to escape, do you? That’s what I did. The person showed me their true colors after I let my guard down one time too many, and that’s all I needed to see before I made my way to the door.

        I’m usually one for giving people second chances, depending on the severity of the matter, but I know when to shut the door also.

    3. Let’s be real, when you get done wrong by somebody you put trust in, you don’t forget that shyt and you really don’t forgive either, you might get over it but you still hold some resintment about it. What you really want to know is how do you not let that shyt bug you anymore and affect your mood and thoughts about yourself. It aint easy to do. One of the things you have to do is be honest about how the shyt damaged you. It made you bitter, it made you untrusting, it closed you off, it made you afraid. Once you recognize and admit how it changed you as a person forgive yourself for allowing some other plain ole human being to affect you so much they changed who you were or could have been as a person. It’s like being hit with a bomb. You survived but you were damaged by the blast. You may never be the same again.

      Now you have to figure out if you are a survivor or a victim. Do you feel you have the strength to overcome your injuries or is it too much and you are just going to walk the earth as this changed individual bitter, untrusting, closed off and afraid. No more are you made by God, but you are made of the things that plain ole human beings have turned you into.

      What you call yourself is key to not letting shyt from the past affect how you move forward in the future. Bitches came for me and beat me down and treated me wrong when I was good to them. I am a survivor. I don’t forgive and i don’t forget. Bitch you can’t hurt me no more because now I know you for who you are. Poof be gone. I’m not gonna be who you tried to turn me into. If I do I become your victim and Bitch your not that important enough to me for me to become your victim.

      1. Define who you are and who you believe God created you to be and be that, cause bitches come for you all the time. You suruvied them before and you will again. The wasted time you spend being their victim, letting them steal parts of you by dewling on what they did takes away from the crucial time you need to figure out how to survive bigger threats like poverty, aging, discrimination and disease.

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