letting go of another person is tough.
no one said it was going to be easy.
you just get to the point where you realize shit just aint gonna work.
you lie to yourself and others and say:
“i’m good!
i’ll move on!”
the hardest part is trying to let go when you see the person everyday.
the things that turned you on about them,
their positives and oddities,
are the same things that make you feel disgusting.
“you shouldn’t feel like this!”
thats the people in your background.
the ones who point fingers and laugh.
sometimes i wonder if anyone has ever been in a situation like mine?
or is everyone just use to being a hoe that men are just disposable?
well what if you want to let go of your feelings,
but something keeps pulling you back?
so my home-vixen came to my job to visit.
she is the one i spoke about ( x here ).
my boss,
liar liar,
and a majority of my department were not in.
as i was showing her around the office and whats not,
work wolf texted me...
“yo who is that?
she is beautiful.”
i didn’t know where he was.
i knew he was in work,
but i didn’t see him pass by to see us.
“she is a good friend of mine”
“she single?”
“i think so”
this was probably not my most brilliant decision.
she was going to be “too close to home”.
“sure”
when i was really:
i mean,
i couldn’t cock block.
he is straight.
why cock block someone else blessings?
who i am kidding?
i feel like ima be jealous like shit.
#honest
so i texted him to meet us on his floor.
i told her there was someone i wanted her to meet.
i never told her about him prior to them meeting.
when we got down there,
i introduced and they shook hands.
well after 10-15 minutes of convo,
she said she had to get back to her office.
he didn’t get her number.
…like wtf?
“so what did you think?
he is interested in you.”
“yeah…
i don’t think he is interested in me jamari.”
“what do you mean?”
“his whole vibe told a different story.
the way he looks at you…”
“what?”
“he barely even spoke to me.
he was all in your face.
i’m pretty sure he wants you.
if he is trying to keep his sexuality a secret,
he isn’t doing a good job.”
i laughed somewhere at that point.
a very nervous laugh.
“…but he isn’t gay tho.”
“well he definitely isn’t straight either.”
…okay what?
see this is the shit…
she told me before she got in the elevator she isn’t interested anyway.
he isn’t her type,
plus she told me there is a new wolf in her life.
when i got to my desk,
he texted me:
“thats my future wife.
you gotta hook me up with her.”
i sent the standard:
“lol”
i don’t know whats going on with this whole “work wolf” thing,
but every time i try to let go of the feelings i have,
some fuck shit happens.
is god trying to play a joke on me?
is star fox behind this?
like wtf?
maybe letting go its just not meant to be?
I think it’s easy to tell you to leave it alone but you work with him everyday so I KNOW it’s easier said that done & it’s harder than it looks. It just seems like a lot though.. Especially because you don’t know whether he’s into guys or not must make your head hurt. And suppressing your feelings isn’t healthy AT ALL. Honestly I’m not going to tell you what to do because only you know what’s best for you but I think the only resolution is to tell him how you really feel. That won’t necessarily make everything peaches & cream but it would lift a whole weight off your shoulders. It would probably ruin your friendship though :/
Lord this seems like a headache just thinking about it. But I agree with another poster, the other way to find out if he’s into you is to go to his home with him ALONE. A man isn’t any more comfortable in any place other than the privacy of his own home. You never know what he might to there.
If your friend was able to pick up on it easily then that means the hoes he’s messing with aren’t that smart or too thirsty to care. Like Jay says.
Even if it isn’t possible for you not to have a friendship with this guy because of your attraction is he even on your level? Honestly, i think you can do better. Not to attack his character but anyone who gets bored after their first nut is someone i wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. You’ve seen ‘the red flags and so think to yourself “is what i want worth ignoring all the BS that comes before and after?” “How will i be different from the other birds he fucking?”.
Also, the fact that you’re hearing one thing for your home-vixen and another from work wolf (i believe your home-vixen completely) just proves he’s playing games or he hasn’t accepted his attraction to you yet. Remember his words from ya’ll conversations: you’re his first gay friend, emotionally you’re like a vixen, if he sleeps with another man he would feel disgusted with himself after. He’s probably connected to you in way these thots and birds haven’t been before and that wouldn’t be a problem – except you’re a man. Trust me, it’s more than frustrating.
I might be all over the place with this comment but i think you can do better and it’s not worth it. With your comments J i’m happy to see that your ready to get your feelings in check.
Jamari, I love the site and I’ve been following this thing with you and work wolf for awhile. My advice to you is to don’t stress and don’t mess up the friendship. I was in an identical situation with a wolf for years and those feelings eventually did pass.
My wolf was basically my best friend for years. He had this weird nerdy hot swagger about him and his body was so on point that he was even approached to do fitness modeling for GNC while, we were hanging out. I helped him shop for clothes just like you and work wolf. He told me about his vixens. I even gave him the “get your life together” lecture that you gave work wolf. He kept me horny all the time by being so “comfortable” around me he never wore his shirt at my place and had no problem laying in my bed half naked.
I had friends joke about us acting like a couple and say that this wolf had feelings for me before even I admitted to myself I was gay. And now that I’m older looking back on certain situations I can see they were right. It ended for me when he got the wrong vixen pregnant. It stung for a second but, I moved on. Now there is no feeling of what could have been. I honestly barely talk to him or think of him and there have been waaaay sexier and more meaningful wolves in my life since then.
So hang in there, Jamari. I’ve seen this movie before and if you’re like me you’ll get way hotter wolves in sequels.
Serious question. Jamari, MANY people on here suggest you should just pursue a friendship with this guy and nothing further. Realistically, does that seem possible? Can you maintain a friendship with him while continually psychoanalyzing his every behavior? Is that not oppressive to you? By your own admission you get jealous when he looks at other women (specifically Liar Liar, AND your friend). You’re developing legitimate feelings for him. I just don’t see how you can simply be friends with someone, while feeling all of this? It’s not possible (In my opinion) and it’s not healthy.
Now, honestly. Do you just want to fuck him? If that happens, will you be ok with him maintaining relationships with other women? Will he have to be exclusive to you?
I’m getting worried. Your feelings are moving beyond lust…and they’re moving into….LIKE. It’s time you are honest with yourself…and us bro. That’s the first step. What SPECIFICALLY do you want from him? You know exactly what that is. That’s why you poke and prod, and psychoanalyze. Once you can tell us that….I’m sure the advice on here won’t be so chaotic.
Stop trying to convince us he’s into you. We believe you. Now what? How do we help you get the D? Or how do we help you move on? That is the question.
Again, this comes from a non judgmental place. We all deal with these issues. You aren’t alone. 🙂
I truly believe he is bi. Another poster said in another comment that he could been straight all his life, met Jamari, and started to acknowledge his feelings for dudes. No straight dude is going to do what he is doing with a gay nigga like this. The man doesn’t seem like he ever been in some booty before either. Jamari is making him comfortable and he could be just fighting how he feels about him. Things like this take time and patience. Asking him if he is gay or how he feels about Jamari is liable to end that relationship. He needs to make his moves and Jamari is going to have to stop being thirsty and go with the flow. This reminds me of how I was when I first started getting into this gay shit. I had to meet that one nigga who turned me out on the emotions.
Ohhhhh shit! The plot thickens!!!
She saw right through all that macho bravado like Mac on a drag queen lol.
Some women pick up on that fake energy where men who aren’t really interested in them pretend to be just because they’re attractive.
That may be why he deals with the women he does because he doesn’t want to run into a more perceptive, intuitive woman that’ll pick up on his game, while these thots, birds, and thirsty women are too blind trying to get the dick.
jamari, what do you really want? do you want to have sex with him? do you want him to know how you feel about him? do you want to just be his friend? what is it that you want out of this “friendship?” i think once you are honest about what your really want then you can move forward. like one of the posters said, if you want to have sex with him then own it. no judgement here. but i don’t think you have really figured out what you really want. you are just going through the motions and its driving you crazy. sometimes we really don’t know what we want and that causes us to go around and around, sort of like being on a hamster wheel. Decide what you want and own it.
Here’s the ultimate gay test: Meet him at his place before going to get something to eat or something and see if he meets you at the door in only a towel. If he does, GAY!
I just think it’s interesting how someone who knows nothing about him picks up that energy about him that quick! There’s definitely something to this dude, but Jamari, until you know more, what you need to do is relax, and nevermind what YOU think he thinks about you. Don’t try to figure it out, it’s not worth it, and you don’t need to, just keep doing what you’re doing and know that the answers will come eventually, so stop trying to rush and control it okay?
Relax, sip your tea and watch it unfold right in front of you, because this whole situation is unravelling as we speak. You have nothing to be stressed out (regarding this situation). Focus on looking cute and being confident! That’s your only duty! lol…
It’s hard , you try so much to just see this guy as a friend because you don’t want to be hurt and feel foolish. Even tho I know you said certain things he does with vixend a is a turn off I think in the end you’re thinking that so you don’t address the fact that you don’t want to be hurt by him. Something is about to happen this situation keeps bubbling to the top I just hope it ends well.
I’m not even going to judge Jamari. I have been there. This story gets such a strong reaction and opinions from everyone because it’s so relatable. Everyone cares for Jamari so we all went the best for him.
The only thing you know is yourself… Spending time trying to figure out what another person is thinking is not only time consuming but a big waste of it
Let him do him because if he’s doing the most and it’s exhausting to you it’s unnecessary if he’s gay or not he’s living how he sees fit and using his energy to live like that
You in the other hand use your energy to live life in a very comfortable way no need to get caught up in whatever it is he’s got going his energy seems to be exhausting hope thereis makes sense
I share these sentiments. I try to live my life with this in mind, and in truth, it makes life A LOT easier because you’re more focused on where YOUR life is going vs. where everybody ELSE THINKS you’re going or where they’re going themselves. Too much energy in other people is just not healthy.
But I can see how easy it is to get caught up.
Jamari at first I was all for you’ll hooking up but now I don’t think you’ll should. Work wolf screwing all these women is such a turn off. Also you should tell him that your friend is not interested but I would leave out that she thinks he is into you.
Wow this shit is crazy. Yeah hooking them up would have been a bad idea even if they were interested. I dont know if he is playing a game with you. Maybe all this vixen talk is so he can rile u up and make you jealous maybe it isnt. Idk women are good at sensing things but also jump to conclusions, she may automatically think that just by seeing yall interaction and thinking it peculiar.
U need to understand that you cant just up and not want him one day. You really like this dude for many reasons and as long as u feel there is a possibility he wants u too u will always be in this state. I said before yall are too close at this point for any subject to not be addressed. U are going to need to know once and for all what exactly his deal is. When he asks about her tell him the truth. Tell him she thought he was into you and not her. See what he says. The only way u gon get out of this perpetual state of mind fuckedness is to get clarity beyond a shadow of doubt. No ambiguity no double talking allowed, jus u and him and the truth.
The next time he inquires about her, tell him you thought she was single but she has a man .Then say ,”You are not going to believe this but she thought you were interested in me, that’s funny, right?”See how he responds.See if he laughs it off or gets defensive.
I am a little distracted I am watching this Cosby breaking news where AP got the deposition from civil case.Cosby admits getting Qualudes to give to women in order to have sex with them.I’ll check back later.
What exactly do YOU want from him? Be 100…
Jamari I’ve been biting my tongue but I need to say it….will you please just find a sexy wolf on Grindr/Jack’d and get smashed on please lol. You are putting to much time and energy into some dude you aren’t sure about.
Plus….you can’t go by her opinion she just met him. He already said he finds the idea of two men getting together “disgusting”.
My opinion I’m just saying……
Hey Mr. Fox. Long time visitor, first time commentor. I believe your friend is a very smart woman. He wants you bro.
This is why I just think you should settle being his friend. I know you stay thinking bout this kat lol. Dude is just complicated.
^and see this is what i mean!!!!
i hate that this is some fuck shit i didn’t sign up for.
I’ve been binge reading to catch up. U in a no win situation. I think he trying to get with u but not sure how to do it. I don’t know any straight man that would be letting u feel on him or hold the umbrella for u, etc. That vixen that rides along on ur dates is only for cover. However, if u believe all the stuff about the vixens he bagging (do u have ant proof?) then this is prob not the wolf for u. If he hits & quits, then it’s gonna make ur work life uncomfortable. But truth is important. Next time he ask about ur friend tell him that she think he only interested in u (in a can u believe it way.) See what his reaction is. If he strongly deny it then u can put it to rest. If he says that he’s interested then that’s ur opening to discuss ur concerns. Good luck J!
Brother but you did sign up for it. Every time you went on a shopping spree him, every time you felt his body in a changing room, every time you text him, every time you received a text from him, every dinner you had with him, every conversation about sex you had with him, every subway ride you took with him, and every phone call you took from him is proof you signed up for it. Otherwise you would have been gone a long time go. In other words you pursued “Work Wolf hard and all the emotional baggage that comes with it, and right now you are dealing with the emotional baggage.Brother, I learned early in life that in order to be emotionally healthy, one must take responsibility for their actions, and thoughts, and be truthful with themselves no matter how painful. I am challenging to understand that Work Wolf said that he is “straight,” and even if you did develop a sexual relationship with him, it will be like dealing with a married man.
Meaning he will rarely be available when you want him, however you must always be available whenever he wants you. It also means that sexually being with a woman would be a priority for him. Honestly this isn’t an negative just an observation, however I think based on your pattern, no matter what suggestions your reader give you the bottom line is that you want to have sex with this guy, and you are willing to deal with whatever emotional turmoil you have to in order to make that possibility happen. In this way you like the rest of us fools on this planet. I think to a point Work Wolf has been honest with you about who he is and you have been honest to him about who you are. Now, I am challenging you to be honest with him about your feelings, and set yourself free. Because if you share your feelings with him either he is going to say he is down for whatever or he is going to say no. So you have the power in this situation not Work Wolf.
Regarding your friend clocking Work Wolf as” being gay/bisexual or more into you” I really don’t think is a valid observation. Aside from the fact there is no scientific evidence that there is any such thing as a gaydar. Think about it how many black women are blindsided by the fact that their significant other is gay or bi, where was that gaydar when they needed it the most? Work Wolf made a huge statement when he went after your friend in front of you, especially after the conversation the two of you had this weekend. He is possibly saying that I am into women, and since you are not then your friend is fair game. In many ways he is treating you like one of his boys and saying that girl has a fat ass, and I am going to holler at him.
It is quite possible that your friend made an unconscious association that Work Wolf is in into you because she knows he is your friend. I think that Work Wolf may be a little possessive of you, but it does not mean he wants you sexually. I know many straight men who are possessive of their male friends. Additionally, if he is gay/bi what makes you think he is a top perhaps if he is into you maybe he is looking for some penis? However it is just an assumption, and assumptions are all you are going to have if you don’t have that conversation with him. .
Exactly, too much time and energy for this dude. Moving right along.
CO-SIGN!!! You better speak!This is Jamari’s lesson he must learn on his own. Fall and get back up BUT learn from this.
Jamari at this point I think your sexual and emotional desire/connection with this man has eliminated any remote possibility of friendship between you guys. You REALLY like him. If the opportunity came to fuck…..you would. No doubt.
I’m not sure you would be able to/are capable of having a HEALTHY friendship with this guy with all the “what ifs” and desire that’s literally bubbling up inside you (To be fair, I don’t think any of us would be able to). A “friendship” would be torture, especially if you are not getting the answers you want.
I know “friendship” might sound nice, and appropriate for the foxhole. But if you really just wanna FUCK and see where it goes from there…..there’s no judgement here. Lol. This is a SAFE space.
Shoot your shot bro (Let it happen naturally of course). There is nothing to lose.
^i don’t think that would even be a good idea atl.
hell i dont even know anymore.
im just going with the flow at this point.
i need to get my feelings in check IF anything pops off.
I agree with atl. Can you really be “just friends” with someone your that attracted too? Because with the way you racking your brain like that over some wolf who ain’t even your bf got me worried lol.
Pretty much. Being friends with somebody you’re attracted to will not work. All those feelings that go into it is just unhealthy.
Wow! This is really weird! Your friend clocked the fuck out of him real quick! Lol I still wouldn’t date him though.
^i don’t want to date him.
how he “dates” vixens…
not at all.
hell i think sex will ruin what we are building as friends.
so ive met a dead end?
this whole situation sucks.
You know Jamari, my best friend used to flirt with me HORRIBLY. I told him over and over that it wasn’t gonna happen, us fuckin’, and as much as he said ok…he still tried any chance he could. It took tremendous willpower on my part to not give in, but I managed. When we first met, I told myself we were gonna do it but as I got to really know him, I made up my mind that my friendship with him was worth more than a a roll in the sack. Another friend of mine said we should have a friendship with benefits, but I told them once emotions become involved…it’s an entirely different ballgame. I don’t regret not crossing that line with him. In fact, I think it made our friendship stronger. I think I mentioned in another post that he once told me that I was one of two friends he’d never slept with. He’d slept with all of his other friends.
You’re good, J! Stick to your guns and you’ll be fine. It takes tremendous willpower…especially if they’re naked or half-naked in front of you. LOL
Wow. Lmao. This gets better and better each week.
^not for me!
he wants to take her on a date.
she is not even remotely interested.
i have been talking to her pretty much since she left.
she is convinced he is attracted to me.
This whole storyline would be a great book/movie/tv series…give it some thought…this could jumpstart your career…
I know! This shit is so juicy.