well we had our first fight tonight.
my cousin and i.
so today,
she called me at work and told me some “no shit sherlock” news…
“i can’t get a job because i have weed in my system.
every job i fill out for does a drug test.” – her.
it instantly pissed me off.
like…
you know you were looking for jobs,
why were you smoking weed?
so i was thinking about what i was gonna say to her when i got in.
i was really tite,
but i knew she needed some tough love.
the same tough love that the people who loved me used.
star fox and karaoke being one of them.
well it went south real quick.
i told her she was a mess.
maybe it wasn’t the best opening statement?
i also said i feel like she does shit and doesn’t think about the future outcome.
she was crazy defensive.
every time i tried to speak,
she would talk over me.
she brought up my past in my face.
that got me reallllllllllllllll tite so i blasted back.
“you acting like you better because you got a job.
you lookin down on me because i’m at my lowest.” – her.
“who actin’ better?
i’m trying to help you because your shit ain’t even right.
you was sitting in my living room smoking.
you wasn’t thinkin about no job.
fuck outta here.” – me.
“no one wants to hear this when they are at they lowest.
no one wants shit thrown in their face.
i know what i need to do and i made some mistakes.
i know that i fucked up.
what do you want me to do?” – her
she was yelling at me in my crib.
nawwww homie.
“get your shit and get out!
go back to catching that wave and couch surfacing.” – me.
she got her coat,
purse,
and walked out.
i don’t know where she went and i don’t really care.
i am TITE.
i’m the only one who got this girl’s back.
everyone else turned on her once her mother died.
the thing i’m noticing tho…
is it them or is it her?
i’m pretty much her last stop.
smh.
i need to calm down.
Let your conscience be your guide. Are we at strike one, two or one and two? Struck out?
She needs two things:
1. A stabilizing influence
2. Boundaries
3. Accountability
Your challenge is to love her unconditionally without getting into your feelings when she tries to run excuses at you, and deflect by using your pas as cover. That’s where the accountability comes in; as-in holding her accountable.
If you choose to remain engaged, then you have to switch roles and become the producer rather than co-star. The producer finances the flick! The Director is accountable to the Producer, that would be her. She also owns central casting, which are all the people and contacts that she needs to make to move her forward towards roll credits.
Whatever you choose to do, be sure that it’s a choice that you can live with, and *own* it!
It didn’t take long for the bomb to exploded!
I’m in agreement with what King said. Put down the house rules and give her another chance. If she goes against that, then kick her to the curb with tough love. It’s sad that so many members of the family have turned their back on her, especially since the mother has passed away. It’s amazing and heartbreaking how much you hear that family should have your back, and in so many instances, that’s not the case.
It could be the family members at fault, or it could very well be her, but she may be acting that way because she has no one to really turn to. Just let her know what is expected of her, in YOUR HOUSE, and if she can’t get with the program…she can walk out that door. You put forth an effort to help her when no one else probably would, so keep that thought in mind when you begin to have doubts…and remind her of that. Tough love/blunt love is sometimes a push that wakes a person up!
*sigh*
Why is she smoking weed in your spot when she’s supposed to be looking for a job?
That’s so disrespectful.
” I can’t look for jobs because they do a drug test”???
WTF? That’s NOT okay. I was jobless a few months ago and it was rough. I didnt have the luxury of buying alcohol and drinking my way through it, ( even though I wanted a drink every night)
When you’re in a position like that you have to make sacrifices, the time will come, its not okay to take advantage of the people who are trying to help you out.
MAYBE you could have started off the conversation better Jamari, but at the same time, she was all the way in the wrong with this.
I still hope it works out for you guys though.
AND NO SMOKING IN YOUR HOUSE UNLESS YOU GIVE PERMISSION! DAMN! LOL
I just think that’s so disrespectful. Idk maybe I’m a dork or something, but thats my perspective,
Good luck!
Where’s my metal bat so you can knock some common sense into her. Damn first you were a single man and now you’re a Goddamn father, wtf???
Niacin and water to clear out the system quickly and when she finds her own spot light up to celebrate. It’s all about being responsible.
That probably should’ve been one of the first rules you laid out for her. Smoking regular is all well and fine if you living in your OWN spot and you already have a job and you’re not worrying about being tested.
That’s a luxury she can’t afford and its mad offensive to smoke in someone else’s house.
That being said, don’t give up on her yet. She’s still young and learning. Drug tests are usually done towards the end of the hiring process so there’s no reason why she can’t keep applying for jobs. The marijuana should work its way out of her system in a few weeks.
I’m right there with you on the weed issue. You’re smoking weed and that’s the reason you can’t get a job? Sounds like that’s a personal problem and you need to check yourself. smh, people make their own problems by doing the dumbest things. I’m glad you didn’t put up with that mess.
Something tells me she’s resilient. She’ll be aight.
I love your perspective on just about everything Jamari but I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a second. I don’t know your past but I’m sure you didn’t want your mistakes and such thrown in your face during your rough patches. What you said was definitely right but sometimes its the approach that gets people riled up. She’s already going through a lot and sometimes you really have to love people for where and who they are because you knew what you were getting yourself into when you let her in your home. That doesn’t give her the right to disrespect you in your home though so I’m glad you put your foot down. I hope she comes tp her senses and realizes you’re doing her a favor and want the best for her. Don’t kill me for my opinion, I pray everything gets better!!
^no you are right.
I had time to think about it and I feel wrong for how I came off.
I don’t know where she is,
But when she comes back,
I’ll talk to her.
thank you for this other side king.
Damn, that was quick.
I hope she’s ok.
Okay now that I have that out the way, she must be on the DAMN mind. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you and she is literally biting the hand that feeds her. I don’t understand how weed have this power over people Where they feel like they just got to smoke it over all else.
She’s needs to:
1.) stop smoking it
2.) apologize
3.) fully understand her situation
You are the only one taking care of her and for her to try to bring up your past is pointless. It’s just another excuse.
Now with that said yes I think you could have handled it a little better and now let her get to you but sometimes you have no choice but to unleash the full fury in someone. I prey it gets better.
Well you tried. You were already bringing stress from your job home with you everyday, the last thing you needed was additional problems.
^agreed and today was hell.
smh.
you know, put her ass out. Shes grown. Sometimes when you’ve done what your abilities will let you do for others, you will get to a point to say “fuck it!” its 2015 hell… #keepflying #Godaintmadenofool
^i agree gigi.
I don’t think I’ve ever gone at it in my spot like that.
No, it is something wrong with her, not them. Your cousin has to learn to take responsibility for her actions. If she has been smoking weed regularly, it will be a while before she will be able to pass a drug test. Bringing up your past was unnecessary when she is living with you. I don’t blame you for kicking her out.
^man im so tite right now.
like how you gonna tell me
“Well you were once at this place im at.”
like I’m trying to help your ass because I was there.
wtf??????
she was wild disrespectful in here.