the above is very interesting.
there is a lot of truth in it…
if you play “the nice guy” role.
i imagine everyone else doesn’t let that phase them.
well i’m not accepting ^that.
so foxholer tony had an amazing idea.
he wanted me to do like a virtual foxhole book club of the book:
“no more mr. nice guy” by robert glover
Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, No More Mr. Nice Guy! landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O’Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the “Nice Guy Syndrome” trying too hard to please others while neglecting one’s own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It’s no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.
we all read a chapter and then discuss it once i make the entry.
x CLICK HERE TO START READING THE PDF VERSION
it sounded like a wonderful idea!
i stopped reading it because i was distracted.
this will definitely keep me focused since the foxhole is joining.
so i ended up reading the first chapter today.
at the end of each chapter in this book,
there is an exercise for us to do.
they are called “break free”.
the first one was:
Breaking Free: Activity #1Write down three possible safe people or groups that might be able to provide support for you inyour recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome.If no one comes to mind, get out the telephone directory and look up counselors or support groupsin the phone book. Write down three names and phone numbers and call them when you finishthis chapter. If you are employed by a company with an Employee Assistance Program, this isanother resource. If you know someone who has been to therapy or a support group, ask them forinformation. If you have access to the internet you can search for 12-step groups or supportgroups.
i’ve decided the foxhole will be my support group.
yay!
so this is my answer to the “break free: activity 2”…
Breaking Free Activity #2Why would it seem rational for a person to try to eliminate or hide certain things about himself and try to become something different unless there was a significant compelling reason for him to do so? Why do people try to change who they really are?
i believe it’s out of insecurities.
as a “nice guy”,
you don’t want to be judged.
you want to appear perfect and unlike the “rest”.
so what you do?
you try and change yourself to become like everyone else.
you hide the things about yourself that may bring judgment.
no one wants to be judged.
it’s easier to pretend to be someone else,
or hide the things that bother you,
than be exposed and raw to other people.
it all goes back to when we were cubs in school.
even though most of us have graduated,
we are still those same insecure cubs in college and the work place.
I printed Chapters 1 & 2 and had it on my desk, and my co-worker saw it and gave me a hug. LOL
She said don’t you dare stop being nice. These assholes here aren’t worth it!
You, she had me laughing for like 10 minutes. I told her that I was reading it for a book club.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jamari! This has come along at just the right time in my life. It’s also a really easy read compared to most of the self-help style books I’ve tried.
I started reading last night and am liking it so far, glad we have more time to read before we decide to go the the activity. Doing it with members of the foxhole makes it so much more supporting.
^see and this is why im glad it was suggested we do it together.
i can relate with others on a deeper level to make a breakthrough.
im reading chapter 2 now at my desk.
Call it Thursday thoughts. Every Thursday we meet and post thoughts about the book and you post the next chapter or aasignment
^that sounds like a brilliant idea.
ill read chapter 2 today and write my thoughts and answer the exercise.
ill do chapter 3 next week.
I agree. We bring so much from our past that shapes who we are. Some things are meant to be left in the past once we learn from it but we package it. We crave love and attention and yes acceptance so we are “nice” too many times instead of letting people take us or leave us. There are hundreds of billions of people in the world and we are bothered by 1 who do not like or appreciate us..time to check out the next billion or so.. even jackd doesn’t hold a billion. The world is so massive. ..we need to see and meet as many people as possible.
…and the book read of the traits of most gay man. Think about it. Always expected to never say no….Needing exceptance from society and family…. Having to over compensate for being gay…wanting to be liked…Do you think this book will change all that and you’ll have more friends? The title of this book should be “How to Get People To Like You” LOL I’ll wait…..I think we all have much more pressing issues to deal with….
….maybe we should be reading a book on improving one’s self esteem…here’s the suicide hotline number for those reading that book: +18002738255
If you haven’t read the book completely you couldn’t be further from the truth. It is about getting people to like but how the desire to please others often blocks people from their power and destiny and how to overcome it.
Confession: I started reading…got fives pages in…then found out that I can’t. I googled it…looked into it…you know what I found? That I cannot. Life is already too hard enough to obsess over this kind of stuff. Let me save you 155 pages of agony: Don’t be a yes man; don’t let people walk over you; don’t bottle up your feelings; don’t be afraid to say no; be assertive in all matters; and learn to be secure in who you are. Now let’s move on to the next book, shall we?
^well since im starting a new page in life,
how is this for an answer:
i think I’ll read the book.
thanks.
you don’t have to join if you don’t want to.
see!
im starting already!
thank you for being the first one in my newfound growth.
🙃
More homework? But holy shit I just read the page and I have the Nice Guys Syndrome. I’m surprised actually because I never thought of myself as Mr. Nice Guy. That would explain why I don’t like Bad Boys, natural enemies, I guess. Just like blondes and I are natural enemies.
I just got a new list of counselor referrals from my jobs EAP program. I’m gonna choose three and call tomorrow.
This is a good thing. I think we need to give everyone that wants to participate some time to read the chapters. Revisit this topic in say a week or so and then I say you pick a day of the week for us to discuss a chapter, which will give us “homework” of sorts to read for the next week.
^okay that definitely sounds good!
i just read the first chapter.
should everyone just read the first chapter and then answer?
and we try again for the next week for the second one?
i want to make sure everyone gets it so we can be all on the same page.
I wanted to see if I could check this book out from the library(don’t know if they have it) so I could join in with you guys. I’ll have to do some catching up.
I like this idea, you know I am down, lemme get my blanket and read up. I will have a response shortly
^yayyyyyy!
i’m so excited!!!