first and foremost,
i want to apologize if that entry came off like a suicide note.
that was not my intention at ALL.
i maybe in a knock down; drag out fight with the devil,
but he hasn’t won yet.
we still gotta few more rounds until i throw in the towel.
this is how it all started…

so the day of “republi-gate”,
which was thursday,
i was feeling a little defeated.
i won’t even lie,
but i was trying not to let it get to me.
i was on the about job search ( x facebook ) getting updates.
well all hell broke loose over there,
but alison doyle wanted everyone to remain calm.
she made a post about what are you “thankful” for.
since i don’t have an account to leave a message,
i decided to make one of here.
notice i said “i hope mr. green considers me for the job” line.
plus rhoa and walking dead come on tomorrow night.

not to mention being mary jane season finale and if my benny comes out that coma.
um nooooo.

so after i did alla that,
i turned everything on “do not disturb” and relaxed for the rest of the night.
sidebar: do not watch this:

…on an empty stomach.
that movie was a set up.
all these food monsters they were running from and i’m sitting there dead ass wanting to eat em.
when i woke up the next day,
i needed to take a day to talk to god.
really be in his face,
ya know?
so i decided to do a spiritual fast.
i was gonna give up two meals,
breakfast and lunch,
and resumed at 8pm.
^the was me by 4pm of no food.
i sat in silence,
prayed for strength anytime i felt hungry,
and watched some youtube videos from td jakes.
this was a good one:

i cooked some food at 7pm so it would be ready for me to eat.
i made a box of pasta,
can a veggies,
with a butter garlic sauce.
well i nearly fainted because i had nothing in my system by 8pm.
thankfully i was fine after those 4 bowls i smashed.
when i finally turned my phone on,
it was blown up with a ton of messages from you guys.
one person even said:

“omg are you ok?
i hope you aren’t dead.
i’ll miss your tumblr but i’ll survive.”

LOL
well i am fine and thank you for the emails.
i will respond back throughout the day.
i want to talk about what direction i got from god in the next entry tho.
something i’m sure was the point of all this that is happening…