FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari, Ok so let me get right into it.
I got a phone call last night from my Wolf friend (26) about his relationship with a Fox (30) that he was been with for the past two months. He called me after he got done having sex with his fox and was going on and on about how good the sex was and how he ate him out and banged him for an hour straight from every position (No lie, the shit he was telling me in detail kinda turned me on seeing that I’m celibate at the moment… *sighs*). But that’s not the reason he called me. So as usual we do our usual talk relationships and some of the issues that they are dealing with and I started to notice that the more we talked about their relationship and it’s issues the only thing they really had in common is sex.

Now I’m not the one to try to convince people that what they do is right and wrong because every relationship is different but I blatantly asked him  “What are 5 things that are positive that you like about him?” First thing he said out his mouth was “I like how he look when he naked and how he suck my dick”. I started laughing like naw nigga I mean what personality traits does he have that you like. I swear when I asked him that question the phone got silent to the point to where you could hear a pin drop. He then started listing some traits that he liked about him say that he can be sweet, considerate, and caring. I said ok, those are good traits to have but why does it seem like every time me and you are on the phone you are in a pissy mood saying that this nigga stresses you out because of his constant complaining and blaming you for issues in your relationship. He has said more than once that this relationship makes him feel drained but that the sex is so good tho that it is hard to let go.

We have had this conversation about them needing to sit down and talk about their issues man to man instead of pushing them under the rug for the past two months and nothing ever seems to change. It always ends up being “We will talk about it later after I get finished fucking him to sleep.”

Something that really shocked me about our talk last night was the fact that he said that he doesn’t know if he is truly happy and at times feels that the fox’s attitude is pushing him away. He said that he really likes this guy but at the same time wishes that he could just enjoy his freedom and not feel obligated to have to answer to someone all the time who is going to bitch and complain 24/7. I’m not going to go into much detail about what the arguments have been about but 9/10 they are pointless and unnecessary.

I don’t want to tell my friend that he should end things because you never know if they are telling the full side of the story and I don’t want to be the blame for anything if they do decide to end things but I’m starting to become drained by the constant talks of them fussing and arguing.  My issue is that if you call me damn near everyday about problems in your relationship, why can’t you talk to your boyfriend about your problems and what steps are you taking forward to fix them. The whole relationship just seems toxic but at the same time that doesn’t mean that the problems aren’t fixable.

So my question(s) are:

1)      Do you think the reason why so many gay relationships fail is because we have no healthy standard or examples of what a gay relationship should be like?
2)      Is good sex enough to keep a relationship going that has problems?
3)      At what point is enough, enough?

MY ANSWER…

so i was watching one the many beyonce videos last night.
she linked the song “bow down” into “flawless” which featured writer,
chimamanda ngozi adichie,
in which she spoke something she wrote.
it was mainly about “girl power, girl power! go go go!”,
but she said something that stood out to me:

“we teach girls to aspire to marriage,
but we don’t teach boys the same?”

deepest shit ive heard in a while.
its no secret that men love sex.
men in general are more sexual than women.
we don’t get condemned for fuckin’ a lot of people.
it’s actually applauded if we have a high body count.
as much as we love sex,
straight wolves are taught about settling down and getting married one day.
some follow those rules,
while others want no parts of it.
gays however have no one to teach us about settling down.
we don’t get “the talk”.
do we even get the “birds and the bees” speech?
we jump right into fuckin’ once we accept we like men.
since being “gay” is on the same list as a national disaster,
we don’t have anyone to guide us properly.
it also doesn’t help that gay role models are pop star vixens.
beyonce and rihanna are teaching us how to be in relationships.
we cry when they cry.
we love how they love.
we break shit when they break shit.
we become vixens.
all while forgetting that vixens live a STRAIGHT lifestyle.
so when they sing/weave toss about meeting a wolf,
getting married,
and having a baby (not all in that order),
we hope one day that will happen to us also.

gay men are also heavily influenced by porn.
now don’t get me wrong,
i love me some porn,
but it creates a false ideal of what getting to know a man is really like.
it teaches us how to fuck and suck like the best of them,
but thas about it.
good sexual “anything” is not the basis of a relationship.
some of us think a good sexual experience keeps a man.
how tho?
there’s no legs to stand on.
well besides a bed.
or couch.
or a table.
you get the idea.
one of the reasons d/l men,
and most gay men quiet as kept,
treat this lifestyle like one big fuck buddy.
all we know is sex.
so they cum in,
cum in us,
and ultimately try to leave and marry a vixen.
usually never works tho.
the sex and throat is too good.

my beautiful reader,
you answered your own questions about your people.
i even highlighted the answers.
that relationship is…
well is that even a relationship?
whatever it is,
i give it another month.
they both seem to be fuck buddies who fell into a “fuckin” relationship.
the only thing compatible about them is dick and ass.
they COULD try to make more,
but personally speaking,
you can’t turn your fuck buddy into your boyfriend.
YOU,
the person who sent the email,
needs to stop answering your phone to give advice about foolishness.
that ended yesterday,
but before you start screening his calls,
tell him jamari fox says:

“enough is enough.
you’re just getting some good boi pussy.
if it ain’t broke then don’t fix it.
oh and sex tapes for review.“

he can’t build ANYTHING with ANYONE without an emotional connection.
they already passed the expiration date.
hope that helps.

best,
jf