i will forever love aggressive wolves.
there is nothing sexier.
ain’t nothing that pisses me off more than a bitch ass pineapple.
i seem to attract those types,
which makes me wonder what is wrong with me?
katt williams said something that always stuck with me…
“If you 25 years old and you still walkin around talkin bout pineapples aint shit you need to get a handle on yo mutha fuckin life and take some responsibility bitch. What you mean to say is all the pineapples you fuck wit aint shit. You need to figure out what it is about your pussy that keep attractin aint shit pineapples.”
when i looked at my life and who i’ve really wanted to attract,
i have attracted various doppelgangers of myself.
sure they have been my type physically,
but they were very shy and slow to start things.
they always seemed to be intimidated of me in some way.
they wanted to try and get with me,
but something in my aura curved them.
listen i can be passive,
but i don’t want to date it.
i don’t crave to fuck it.
i crave to fuck a wolf who takes control.
putting me in check turns me all the way on.
(now there is varying degrees of putting one in check.
i don’t like that bitchy shady way.
the one you see on #rhoa.
i mean the “you fucked up and i gotta pull you to the side real quick”.)
i have been doing a lot of soul searching these days.
people always think this great “coming out the closet” is what helps.
i’m actually happy being discrete and private.
none of the issues stem from my sexuality.
ive been lookin in the mirror and saying to myself:
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.
i’m very angry.
ive been hurt.
it has made me very very angry and closed off.
its weird tho because i open myself up on this site,
but i keep myself in an emotional prison.
so when things go wrong,
i jump all the way to the left.
i over react and go to the negative heavy.
trust is very hard for me,
but i’m open to doing it again.
i love people and i always want “friends”.
i go hard and i’m very loyal,
but ive always attracted those who want to use me.
now i’m not perfect,
but i’m not a devil either.
i’m just scared and with that,
i have a wall up that chases off potential wolves.
i’m sure my energy says:
DON’T YOU DARE TALK TO ME!
PLEASE COME AND LOVE ME!
if i’m going to be a good fox to my future wolf,
or to any future success i plan to have,
i need to start looking at me.
the outside is great.
i keep myself together.
i have my flaws,
but i’m not a raging beast.
that storm of emotions that stirs up past experiences…
its time for it to go.
its time to let the sun shine on the inside so i can feel it.
i don’t feel it.
i’m just “here”.
i exhaled writing this.
that’s a good sign.