53 thoughts on “Dinner, Movies, and Emotions With The Work Wolf”

1. “when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.” maya angelou

2. This is one of those real moments in life where you might have to start practicing what you preach. you have written entries that told us that we shouldn’t settle, we should realize our worth, realize that we don’t need to play 2nd fiddle, realize that there is someone out there for us that can give us what we need etc. You talk about self worth and realizing how special we all are. imagine that it was a reader of your blog who came to you with the same story that you have been sharing about work wolf. what would you tell him? its times like this that we really see if we really believe a lot of the stuff we say to others. If its not good for your readers to minimize their worth then what about you? Do you really believe that you are worthy? Do you believe that you are worthy to be with someone who is available to you, available emotionally as well as physically? I’m not knocking your friendship with work wolf at all. you two could end up being friends for life. what i am saying is that maybe you should start hanging out with some other guys. try going out on a date. he has all your attention. for all you know one of your readers out there could be interested in taking you out. you just never know LOL. but on the real, keep your friendship with work wolf but make it a point to meet other guys. just give it a shot. what do you have to lose? if the friendship is a real one then you hanging out with some other guys shouldn’t matter. he is out dating so why shouldn’t you? you really don’t have anything to lose. yeah i can hear you say that you mind is on him, but so what, go out anyway (older brother speaking)!!!! 🙂 you could end up having the best of both worlds. work wolk as a true friend and “the wolf” as your man!

3. Jamari, you call af but boy you are overthinking this shit. If he is straight he is straight, if he is gay/bi then it is what it is.

   You so caught up in this dude and not even enjoying ya life. You know how many other niggas that are openly gay that you could have come into contact with instead of worried about this confusing ass nigga.

   Who has time for the games?

4. YO!, the boy is straight. Now he may have curiosities, but its not about him fucking with a dude, its more of an interest in the lifestyle your dealing with. I think you have found someone who likes you as a FRIEND for you, thats so rare in this lifestyle, this dude is about to become a brother to you, i know its hard because you are damaged, we are all damaged in this lifestyle, so we attract those who are like us, we seek out people to create a fake family, or sense of love, and your projecting on this boy all the wants and qualities you want in a man. But he is not the man for you. He is the friend that you need in your life and to try and make it go further your gonna ruin it. Please dont ruin it. if you have to seek out some other male companionship with someone whos story you dont have to guess. But this dude, let him be the friend that God has sent you. dont fuck up Jamari

5. This dude loves you and falling in love with you. Just chill

6. So, I read your blog often because I enjoy your point of view. I think you are talented and you have an amazing influence. Keep on chasing after your dreams. I never comment because the other comments tend to speak whatever is in my mind. But in this case I literally felt compelled to do so. I’ve been down this road before and its HARD to get off. So my words are coming from experience and from the wisdom of other individuals’ lives.

   First, work wolf is exactly what you see. Every time you all are out he is fire-hosing (meaning he is breaking his neck to look around). There is nothing wrong with a man looking at a woman, but every time a woman walks past, he feels the need to undress her with his eyes; its immature. That is a clear indicator of how he views women and where is mind is. Now multiply this behavior with how he looks and views men (especially if he is unsure/curious of he feelings…RED FLAG. The biggest indicator of a person’s behavior is their past/current actions. He is showing you, who is really is. Its great that you are building a friendship but at some point, this honeymoon phase will soon end, and you will see his true personality. This is not to say that he is a bad person, but this might not be the most ideal person to enter into a relationship with.

   Second, AINT NO STRAIGHT MAN (especially no young straight man) paying for another straight man, that much. I am nice. I have male co-workers who look out for one another. We don’t do that. I don’t do that for my own brothers and its 3 of us. It happens but not in that frequency. He is definitely comfortable with you and he knows you are feeling him. He has done this before (with men and women). You are not his first “gay friend”. You are his first that he told you about. But hey, if that is how he sleeps at night “let him live”.

   Third, you are more that what you think you are. We tend to look down on ourselves, when we don’t think we have all that we think we deserve (does that make sense lol). But in more ways than one we are blessed. I’ve never met you but I can see how much of a pure heart that you have. And you have a serious natural hustle. You are going places and you captivate others. You have gifts and this is only the beginning. BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IT. What good will a relationship be, if you don’t think that you deserve someone to treat you the way you deserve. I am not saying that work wolf is the one, but you said it best “he is damaged”. And to a degree, we all are, but is he trying to heal or just mask his pain with beautiful women? Damage + Damage = Disaster. He needs to begin to come to terms with his own issues before he considers any long term ANYTHING lol. Keep on putting your needs and your self first. Take care of you. I am pro-self care. Obviously your writing and blog is apart of that. But begin to invest more time into yourself. You are worth it Jamari.

   Fourth and Last (I’m preaching to the choir on this one) , life is about risk. You never get anything by playing safe. If you want the friendship keep it. If you want to test the waters, just keep on being the best you. But at some point, you will have to weigh your options and go for it. If not, you are always going to ask yourself “what if”. But you will never know. I just encourage you to explore what you want. If you don’t know then that’s cool too. Just move along at your pace, and do what makes the most sense for you.

   Keep your head up!

   1. Wow! If you don’t mind saying you explained so eloquently what I was trying to say but not as good you did bravo! Right on the money you said it!!!

      1. Thank you! I know I wrote a whole dissertation lol, but I didn’t want to come off as telling him what to do; but I also wanted him to explore his options. That’s my inner social worker/therapist LOL.

         In my own experience, I’ve been with a woman, who had a man, and I played the side roll to her because it was safe and comfortable. We never had sex but our intimacy was quite strong. In the end I got hurt because that is not what she wanted. We are cool now but it took me 2 years to really get over that hurtful situation. She was damaged and so I was I. I played myself by not paying attention. We use to hang and buy each other things all the time. That’s how it all begins.

         I just want Jamari to love himself and take care of his own needs before catering and looking to another person for external affection. He is worthy of his own love and affection.

   2. @bk lol! Well I certainly enjoyed your dissertation and your so right jamari deserves his own and I think he’s going to get it but unfortunately just like anything we want it takes time and patience is definitely a virtue in this cases.

   3. WELL SAID! This sums up my thoughts exactly.

      1. Hey dig! How are you? I’m surprised that you don’t have more to say I always look forward to seeing you in the comments section.

   4. BK I love everything you said and how you said it. This comment needs to read by everyone.

      1. Thanks Mikey Kun! I was hesitant to post something but I’m glad it is resonating with people. I learn a lot from listening to other people’s stories. We just have to pay better attention when it comes to ourselves and our hearts.

   5. ^BK.

      Your words were so touching.
      I must have read this about 8 times.
      Just letting myself get the message.
      You weren’t mean.
      You weren’t shady.
      You weren’t out to hurt feelings.
      You were real.
      I appreciate that you came out of lurk mode to leave this comment.
      I’m glad you didn’t keep your feelings to yourself.

      Thank you for the message.

      1. I appreciate you! What you are doing is amazing. You are creating a space where men, who are at various stages of their identity can listen to the thoughts of other men. Cause we are still men! Never forget that. You chart your own course.

         And know that your feelings are real and overwhelming. It’s okay to like him. It’s okay to fantasize about him. But remember the decisions we make have a lasting long term impact. Be careful and value what you want more: friendship or good sex. Friendship is hard to obtain and you can teach some one how to please you. Someone told me this along time ago and I pass it along all the time “don’t let other people’s hang ups, hem you up”. Let work wolf sort through his baggage while you love yourself.

         You, out of anyone on this blog and world knows what’s best for YOUR life. You live it. Just step back, breathe, and keep on shining.

   6. You made excellent points, but I have to disagree with you on the spending money portion of your comment. It has nothing to do with a person being gay or straight…it’s all about their comfort level.
      If a guy is comfortable with himself, he can spend the money on another man, friend or not. It’s a person’s insecurities that have him thinking it’s wrong to spend money on a guy, or of someone is spending money on them…that they want him. LOL
      My friends and I usually split bills when we go out to eat. If it’s someone’s birthday, they get treated. What’s so wrong with that? And as far as family goes…depending on who it is, I’ll spend whatever I want on them. My brothers, I’ll most definitely spend on them…and they spend on me.
      So sorry to say, but that portion of your comment goes out the window! ;o)

      1. Hey Christian, I should clarify. Men do spend money on each other. I love my brothers to death and we look out for one another. It is a comfort level. But keep in mind context. A majority of straight men will not consistently go out and continue to pay for items for another man they dont know and are starting to build a friendship with. Keyword consistently. And, he offered to buy him clothes, payed for 3 plus meals, and two sets of movie tickets. I have some very generous friends, and we always look out for one another but that is alot for people without an already established relationship. J and work wolf are building a friendship-they really don’t know each other (I say that based off the information from the post I could be wrong). Not saying that its a bad thing, but I’ve learned to mindful of people. I am a giving person and its get misconstrued often so I’m not one to quickly place labels on things. But work wolf is different. I his actions and words don’t necessarily align.

   7. You really put things into perspective! Great comment

      1. ^^Thanks for the clarification BK. Since you put it like that…I can agree. It depends on the lengthiness of the relationship and comfort level. It’s true that most people misconstrue things when a person is giving…especially dudes.
         In another post I mentioned about trying to give my mailman a bottle of water on a hot day, and dude was not having it initially.
         So I got ya!

7. Oh jamari I feel for in this situation because I’ve been there not to the degree you have but I know the feeling of wanting someone so bad and not being able to express those feelings and emotions that shit hurts like hell and it eats you up inside but jamari I still say if you think it’s going be worth it tell him how you really feel do that,but that’s easy for me to say cause I’m not in your situation and I know in previous post I’m like get em’ lol! But I don’t ever wanna steer you wrong I forget how different the male on male dynamic is and it really blows me that it will always be one-sided and that power dynamic really sucks but think about like this OK what if he is attracted to you then what? Then you have to worry about how he actually views you will he take you seriously? Or will he just view as a sexual delicacy to be on the side-lines for him to sample when ever he gets the urge to have a piece of your cake if you get my drift so ask yourself are you going to be able to put up with that? Do you what be his “gimp” when ever he gets the urge to summon you from his basement and that’s what you don’t want so jamari it’s up to you to decide what you want so keep doing what your doing play it safe and don’t stress yourself out!

8. Jamari this whole situation is so relatable. It seems as though every guy I find myself to be attracted to is heterosexual. Sometimes I feel like I was cursed lol. So I completely understand how this situation is fucking with your emotions. I do find it strange how he seems to be paying for everything (or most things) when you guys go out. I don’t do that with my “friends.” I pay for my shit and he pays for his lol. In my opinion you should continue getting to know him as a person and as a friend. If you guy take thing further, I think he would have to be the one initiate that. In the meantime, continue to have fun flirting with him from time to time. Flirting is harmless. Try your best to get a hold of your emotions though. Look at it this way–you’re a great catch so he should be the one sweating you!

9. Don’t stress about it…enjoy the friendship. What you have is special and worth more than just sex. And if something is destined to happen between ya then let it happen in its own time.

   1. ^thanks stevie

10. Again get out of my head, I have through this same situation. I would be hanging out with my “friend” and everything goes well until he notices a hot female and then for some reason my mind changes. It’s like I know he straight but DAMN it why can’t he look at me like that. I get super quiet as we’re driving to the next place and he’ll notice and ask what’s wrong.

    The only difference between our stories is I actually broke down and told him that it was him that was causing these emotions. I would tell him that “I’m having such a good time with you here but I can’t have you in the way I want.” I would say things like this is the kind of thing I would love to be doing with my boyfriend and I feel silly for even wanting that knowing it can’t be with you.” ( BOLD I know but after keeping everything bottled up for so long it felt like. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was able to be upfront with him.

    So while reading this entry I knew exactly what you were feeling. You want him so bad in a way you can’t have him. You start feeling guilty that you’re even having these thoughts of someone who has done nothing but have your back and been a good friend. Even with that said the attraction doesn’t stop and you find yourself in for a loop. You want to just have. A friendship with him but you can’t stop racking your brain on these Romantic feelings. ( it would so different if we had a ton of wolves that were our type busting down the door to get at us but at the moment we don’t, MAYBE then putting aside these feeling would be easier but that’s not the case.)

    Keep you head up Jamari, I know it’s hard to feel like you’re only getting a part of the puzzle and not the whole thing from him.

    P.S. I know I wrote a lot but I just felt this post so much 😉

    1. ^and everyone says:

       “Get out there and meet someone gay”

       but these new gays are so conceited,
       and lie so damn much,
       that it ain’t easy.
       if we can’t meet genuine friends in this life,
       what makes you think ima meet a genuine wolf?
       i Gotta resort to the chat sites and you know how that go.

       so yes,
       when we withdraw from they gay forest,
       we end to meeting these kind of wolves/hybrids/and foxes.

       1. Right.

          We find ourselves seeing things in these kind of wolves we want in our parter and it gets hard to let that go. For me I never had another guy act this way with me, he actively persuaded a friendship with me the same way wolf wolf did with you. The fact that the qualities in myself that I thought were odd he likes, it’s hard to find someone out there you can fully be yourself with and let them in. I have yet to meet this in another wolf in the gay community.

          1. ^exactly.

             it’s hard not to get caught up out here.
             plus it is rare when a straight man acts like this in a very homophobic world.

    2. Mikey Kun, I have found myself in a similar situation – what was the reaction you received from your “friend” – if you don’t mind me asking – because that is where the fear lies…for all of us in a similar scenario…
       AND thank you Jamari and the foxhole for being here…

       1. Thankfully he was really understanding, he told me he sees me as his best friend and he trusts me. When I would get sad he would asks me “what’s wrong” and I wouldn’t want to tell him because I was afraid of his reaction. I didn’t want to come off like some super emotional girl.

          He had no problem that I told him but our friendship started off a little more unusual than most anyways.

          P.S. Sorry it took so long to reply to you 😉

    3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJCpKJzubdo / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K75A16HRdBY

11. Okay, you are in a PREDICAMENT… This situation is tight as fuck. It is SO hard to tell your heart no. I only see it one of two ways:

    – Get the closure you need by telling him how you feel, friend to friend.

    OR

    – TAKE IT TO THE GRAVE, forever pretend you don’t deeply care for him and continue on having a true genuine male woe (friend, LMAO).

    You already know which one I’m voting for… IT AIN’T THE LAST ONE, surprisingly, lol.

    (TBH, a real friend would be able to hear the truth about something and still be a real friend…)

    Sometimes being in your head, romanticizing ideas and coming to all kinds of conclusions is so detrimental to happiness. And soon he wants y’all to be out swimming in exotic locales together?! Jamari…

    1. ^yeah he is def planning a future with me.
       he talks about us being successful together and looking back at this job.
       he talks about traveling and doing fun things with me.

       I wonder if my composure is what draws him to me?

12. Yall are definately building a connection. Even if it isnt romantic it can still be just as deep. You have to get yourself to a point where you are comfortable with what the relationship is and not what you want it to be. At this pont he has been telling you the truth it seems. He likes women thats who he is attracted to. Has he givin you any indication that yhere are other options? Also you wont know until you ask the right questions. U definately could have inserted the question about is there anybody he is interested in.

    Yalls relationship is strengthening to a point where there is a true bond. He doesnt hide you or hide affection or nice gestures to you from anyone. I told you he is completey comfortable around you. That either means he knows his feelings for you and doesnt care who knows or he does not have any other feelings behind them and they are genuinely out of friendship.

    At this point u need answers because u want more of him but dont know if that other part is an option. U will always be questioning his actions towards you and if they dont yield the desired result u gon find you self in marvins room again, drake reference lol. Do yourself a favor mon cher and get clarity. You can do it, yall are close enough for all your questions to be answered without jeopardizing yall friendship. Thats the only way you gon get a hold of this.

    1. ^i think im holding back on asking because I don’t want to ruin anything.
       meaning as much as I want something,
       and let’s say it happens,
       will it ruin what we have going on?
       our friendship is real tight Jay.
       He definitely looks at me as someone he can trust.
       plus with how he deals with vixens,
       do I even want to be part of that?
       he listens to me NOW.
       what happens after he slides his dick out of me?

       1. So u are really caught up. On one end you racking your brain on if he is even available to you in the romantic way, then on the other end if he is would that be the best thing to pursue. All i can say is not knowing will be worse than anything. The truth of either situation may hurt but it is best because it is the truth and it will set u free.

          If he is your friend for real the questions wont ruin anything. If u are still nervous u can ask questions in a way that wont make it seem like you are talking about yourself. J yall too close for that. He said he wont leave you so trust that. Dont you realize that u will only get more depressed as time goes on and things are still in the air. Lets say he is feeling you like dat, y waste months and months of you possibly enjoyin yo man. If he isnt into you like that y waste months and months in confusion.

          I want you to listen to kelly price song called mirror mirror. Let me know what you think.

          1. ^i love that song Jay.
             I’ll have to ask him when we are in another comfortable setting.
             questions like that don’t go over well in texts.

       2. Oh yeah definately face to face. That way u can see the real emotion and get the real answer. He wont have time to sugar coat or make anything ambiguous. Just be cool but confident. Make it seem like a regular convo. If it leads to some deep stuff dont be scared be confident and go there. Maximize on the moment.

          Have you heard that kelly price song before?

          1. ^yeah!
             I own that album.

             1. I wish my “stand in wolf” could be a legit baller wolf.
                sigh.

       3. Yeah great album and the emotions she is expressing i know you feel that right know. That second verse really says it.

          Anyway im rooting for you jay. U can and will have the wolf of your dreams. Maybe he is in your life not to be your wolf but to be a living example of what u can and will have.

       4. This whole saga is a Sam Smith album.. Each song on ‘In The only hour’ relates…

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJCpKJzubdo

13. Do you have a stand-in nigga? Introduce another guy into the mix and see how work wolf reacts. He knows your single, you never talk about other guys and perhaps you look TOO available. People want what others want. Once you reassure yourself that you can have any wolf you want, it will ignite an energy that draw work wolf to you. In other words, be more confident. You act composed around him, but yet your still very desperate, thirsty, and vulnerable on the inside. Yes, he’s fine, and thoughtful etc. But your Jamari DAMMIT! And believe it or not, YOURE THE CATCH. Work wolf knows fine fox when he sees it, that why he’s pursuing you*sips tea. So don’t be pressed on him. You’re attractive, smart, with good character you could pull 100 work wolves if you realized that.

    1. Yesss say that ain’t no wolf paying money for meals and etc if he’s not attracted to you. He’s definitely feeling Jamari

    2. ^thanks g.

       ever so often,
       i forget I’m the “catch” in the situation.
       you are right tho.
       I do need a stand in wolf.
       or maybe even insinuate I went on a date during the weekends.
       when I did that before,
       he would get standoffish a little.

       1. Yes. Yes. Yes. Test his jealousy–

          The foxhole really has your back. I love it.

    3. This could backfire.. but could show you alot.. just be careful.. you don’t want to lost a potential friend and bf by playing two guys emotions… but I do agree- stop talks of liar liar..

14. Maybe you can bring it up to him in a joking way like “Hey, with all of that you might as well be my boyfriend” or something to that effect. He seems pretty comfortable in your relationship so I don’t think that would turn him off. I mean he’s already told you that he talks to you like a female. That’s why I said that he’s comfortable and you’re not. For the most part, he hasn’t faltered or hesitated in his actions.

    1. And stop asking about She-Wolf lol. Obviously he’s getting more from you that what he could ever get from her.

       1. ^im trying.
          I am so trying.
          every time I see her in her phone.
          I assume she is texting him.
          I hate that she is the basis of who I’m giving my power too.

          is it wrong to say I don’t even want them to speak?
          I know that sounds controlling as hell.
          smh.
          I’ve decided to assume the worst but hope for the best when it comes to them.

    2. ^i made a joke that if I was a female,
       he would hurt me.
       he said if he was with someone he loved,
       he wouldn’t hurt them.
       he said all the vixens he has been with he has hurt them.
       he didn’t love them tho.

       you know im already on it lol

       1. And you could have said to that “so what does that mean, is there anybody right now you see yourself being in love with?”

15. He’s feeling you I don’t care what no one says but these str8 but curious guys come with so much baggage. I’m currently talking to a guy that’s older than i. I’m 27 he’s 34 and he said he never been with a guy before but the more I talk with him it’s like I’m starting not to believe him. I just wish men of color could be more honest about their same sex attraction because it’s like you have to go through stunts and shows to find out the truth. I’m wishing you the best but don’t let this get you down. Chase after god, chase after your dreams and everything else will fall into place.

    1. ^thanks malcolm.

       I hate being in “suspended terror”.
       like I hate feeling like I don’t know what’s going on.
       in anything in my life.
       i like to be in control.
       he has me feeling out of control.
       he doesn’t even realize it.
       I play it well.
       i don’t care about the hoes,
       but since I want him and I’m in “suspended terror”,
       it has been a wild roller coaster of emotions.

       am I addicted to it?
       ugh.

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