i don’t think i wanna get high again.
okay,
i’m lying but still,
read me out.

Sunday Night…

i decided to finish watching gen v on amazon prime.
as i was at the part after “ant girl” slid down dude’s giant penis,
i said to myself:

“This show would probably be so dope while high off an edible.”

so i took half of an eddy but decided i needed to take the other half too.
so i ended up getting higher than the wings of an angel…

but somehow landing into the pits of bad high hell.

My shadow self decided to come out to play.

shadow self is the side of us that we deem unacceptable.
it’s the devil that sits on your shoulder.
mine came with in the form of bringing me down,
making me paranoid,
and dissecting how i’m viewed by other people.
every time i tried to center myself,
i got stricken with panic and fear.

so instead of watching the show to see more giant penis,
i spent the next 4 hours watching a mental playback of my “horrible” life.

This is where Cleo Sol comes in this story…

 i decided to listen to music to redirect my thoughts somewhere else.
cleo sol‘s last album,
gold,
was the last album i listened to on spotify.
the first song  is “there will be no crying“.

after i listened to that a hundred times,
i put “things will get better” on repeat:

 

i spent the rest of the night listening to various songs from her albums.
since my third eye was wide open,
i heard ever lyric and harmonies.
it made me feel like i was floating on her words.
after that experience,
and dealing with massive and emotional high hangover yesterday,
i woke up today with this my mind:

I accept that 2023 has been a trying year.
I accept that I don’t have any control over what happens.
I accept that hasn’t been perfect and I don’t have the answers.

I realize that I have been still showing up.
I realize that I have tons of support.
I realize that I am grateful even if things don’t work out.

I am blessed.
I am here.
I am safe.