they think you’re soft.
they think you’re weak.
they see you as feminine.
they’ve been talking about you.
they treat you the way that they do because they think you’re a f*ggot.
i’m gonna always be 100 with you.
so because of this,
they feel they can treat you the way that they have been taught.
they think you won’t fight back and you’ll take it whatever they dish out.
it’s like the animal kingdom.
the bigger animals underestimate the weaker ones.

Oh,
silly straights.
Oh,
silly they are.

see you have a superpower that you don’t realize…

Continue reading “you’ll watch them burn because they underestimate you” →

i feel angry these days.
my therapist told me how this is a change from when i first started.
now i’m not gonna hold you,
but my anger isn’t making me bitter.
i’m actually still quite pleasant.
i’m not listening to sad songs and crying about things undone.
even within the darkness,
i still hold onto hope for a better tomorrow...

Continue reading “q4: angry in character development” →

“Baby,
I know he gets a little angry but stick with it.
He hit you out of love.
He was tired.
Do you want to be alone out here?
It is a very lonely place.
Please,
stick with it.”

“Jamari,
you aren’t playing the game.
You gotta play the game.
That is just how she is,
ya know.
You gotta think about the money and not your feelings.
You gotta stick with it so you can get hired.” – a real conversation I had.

“They are assholes but they got connections.
It’s not gonna be easy.
Try to be on their radar and make sure you speak to them.
Maybe even help them out with stuff.
Ya know,
show your loyalty.
Just deal with their shit and once you get put on,
you can move on.”

i was having a deep conversation with a friend earlier.
we legit talked for damn near 4 hours about various shit,
but i told them…

Continue reading “you better stick with it baby” →

i don’t think you all know what a friend is.
my idea of friendship might be completely different to yours.
all this time i made excuses,
but i’ve realized ya’ll don’t make me feel included.
do you know how insulting it was…

Continue reading “ya’ll didn’t make me feel like i belonged” →

read ^that as many times as you can.
i know i will.
as a creative,
i totally get hating to work a real job while working on your real dreams.
dealing with the day-to-day grind while dodging idiot bosses can be a downer.

You’ll be surprised how many actors and actresses have to do it while in-between blessings.

from the last entry,
eric d hill is an acting wolf but was living a regula degula life.
i’ve met so many in the industry who work regula gigs to make ends meet in-between.
when the acting or singing work isn’t pulling big money like the bigger names,
you will be working a regula gig until shit pops.
no cap,
but i knew one of the actresses that act(ed?) on that show,
manifest.
how?…

Continue reading “many creatives and talent live a regula degula life before things pop” →

I walked out from my bedroom into my living room and the writing was on the wall.
no seriously,
Mi had taken a permanent marker and written nasty messages all over my walls.
How she got into my apartment was a mystery to me.
I know she gave back all her keys to me,
but did she make a spare?

I felt extremely horny for him.
I haven’t thought about him in quite a while.
Ever since he left me alone to tend to his relationship,
I decided it was best for me to move on.
For whatever reason,
the thought of him woke me up outta my sleep.
I felt this strong sexual energy take over me that I could not ignore.
At 430am,
I’m jacking myself off stupid with thoughts of him inside me.

i did not sleep last night.
i was having nightmares and filled with anxiety.
before i went to bed,
i was reading arguments about the jab from both sides.
i was wrapped up in natural happiness i never felt before a few weeks ago.
i had to wake up early to call unemployment today,
but of course,
i got the runaround and drop from them.
today,
foxhole… Continue reading “sometimes, you just gotta turn yourself “off”…” →