they don’t make tv like ^this nowadays.
my mother use to watch this show called melrose place when i was a kid.
she never let me watch because it was “too adult”.
i decided to start binging the show earlier last month.
i’m legit on the second season now.
why?…

Continue reading “melrose place teaches me you gotta come in and bring the ruckus” →

i’m actually kinda glad cleiton lobo got exposed yesterday.
not because i am trying to create chaos,
but it serves as another learning lesson…

Continue reading “the cracks behind the filters are closer than they appear” →

one day soon,
people will tell everyone about how they know me.
they’ll shout to the mountaintops:

“I KNEW JAMARI WAY BACK WHEN!
HE WAS SO GREAT!
HE WAS SO KIND TO ME!”

… even those who hurt me will tell a different story.
they might tell the same story including the ones i may have hurt too.

Making all those within The Foxhole proud would mean so much to me tho.

you guys have honestly seen a more real side to me than folks i know irl.
so for you all to witness my success would be awesome.
jonathan majors is hitting his stride and for good reason.
tam’ron hall brought him back to a time when he was a star in the making.
someone from his past joined in that knew he was destined to make it…

Continue reading “one day soon, they’ll make it a mission to tell everyone how they know/knew me” →

before i start on nicki minaj,
i have to font that:

I really like her new song,
Red Ruby Da Sleeze.

the fact she used one of my favorite beats/song from summer’s past:

this brings back so many good memories.
i didn’t even know rolling loud was this weekend.
i saw no hype for it on my timeline tbh.
i saw some videos from nicki’s set and…

Continue reading “is nicki minaj alright? (this rolling loud set was very…)” →

Ugly.
Lanky.
Awkward.
“A Girl” aka Not Like The Other Boys

that’s how i used to view myself.
anytime i got high,
that is the fox i saw in my mind.
i would associate myself with how they spoke of “bullers” in barbados.
( x what a buller is )

*These males that dl males crept into their backdoors secretly to fuck.
*The ones that would be ignored and shamed in public.
*Some dressed up in drag and were labeled crazy.

i was scared to be myself because this is how i felt i was viewed.
it made me super self-conscious and living in my head all the time.
“is this why many of them kept me as a secret?”
“why they didn’t want people to know we were friends/close?”
i’m sure it was true to some but that wasn’t the reality for all.
i asked myself a question while on my day off yesterday…

Continue reading ““they don’t like you because you’re ugly, gay, and possibly do drag.”” →

my therapist asked me something yesterday that i’m still thinking about.
it’s interesting how a simple mind trick could possibly change your life.
so during our session,
she posed this question to me…

Continue reading “what would an evolved you with no trauma or hurt be like right now?” →