when i’m going through something heavy,
like i have been for the last weeks and plenty of change,
i’m usually scrolling to find a message.
a message in my time of need when i’m feeling despair.
it could be a church sermon or some random pineapple on IG.
yesterday,
as i was sitting in a bath,
God spoke to me with the message i “be” looking for.
someone else needed to hear this…

When i first met “insert dumb bitch here“,
i loved her personality.
I thought she was absolutely amazing.
We related on the same things and it felt like she embraced me.
She felt like a someone i use to know…
and THAT should have been my first clue.
As we became cool,
I started to notice something that gave me pause.
She would always talk about mutual friends behind their backs.
One of her friends was trying to start a career and she legit dogged them out.
In that same friend’s face tho,
She was all smiles and acting like she was in full support.
People never realize I peep the little “big” things about them.
I wasn’t surprised when i found out she was talking about me with the same people.

character.
oftentimes,
we can get confused with personality rather than character.
anyone can have a amazing personalities out here.
it’s how we introduce ourselves to people to make friends or gain networks.
it can lead to a ton of followers and even stardom but…

control.
oftentimes,
we have a need and a desire to be in control of other people.
that can create a lot of resentment and a breeding ground for toxic situations.
when we are out of control,
that is when the real “us” comes flying out.

Insecure
Panic
Jealousy
Envy
Letting all kinds of disrespect slide
Being nasty and disrespectful to others

on the low,
my mother had showed me how she was self control in relationships.
she had a big learning lesson with her first husband but she learned quick.
when she entered relationships after that,
and it was revealed that many of them were actually jackals in disguises…

this morning,
i was texting with my lil big sis and she fonted something that blew me away.
it was one of those oprah “a-ha” moments you get on random.
funny enough,
it was also about oprah too.
we were talking about the color purple,
taraji,
and all the bts drama that’s being alleged.

“I’m not ready to take her off my don’t like don’t want to meet list I mean she’s Oprah.
I’ll meet her but be clear I’m getting one side of Oprah and to take it with a grain of salt.”

that was my “a-ha” moment…

when you get into the entertainment industry,
you are going in there solo dolo.
there is no one to call when you are being sexually harassed,
threatened,
or being told you have to exchange sexual favors on the casting couch.
there are many who live in shame after things they’ve done/experienced.
this is why there is so much drug and alcohol abuse.
they do those things help them forget.
 have your shit together before you enter that jungle because…

Continue reading “there is no HR department in the entertainment industry” →

STORY TIME

one year for christmas in barbados,
the primary school i went to threw this huge event for us before vacation.
i remember seeing tons of presents in the school yard.
i went to a prestigious private school so kids were upper middle to rich.
so the presents were big and beautiful wrapped.
i didn’t want to get my hopes up that i would see anything for me.
all the kid’s parents had shown up but i didn’t see anyone there for me.
my mother,
i think,
was on a plane headed somewhere.
my father didn’t show up.
none of my other family member showed up either.
it was just me alone in that school,
watching proud parents cheering on their kids.
so i go to the pile and look through to see if i see anything for me.
i see one little box with my name on it…

Continue reading “raggedy andy still has to show up when no one else does” →