People kill for it.
People kill themselves because they couldn’t get it.

One word that makes you intimidating and opens you up to anything your heart desires.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L53gjP-TtGE]

Continue reading “The World is Yours.” →

I’m going through changes.

I have been running on a hamster wheel for a number of years now. My insecurities were what was fueling me and kept me going and going; just like The Energizer Bunny on a sugar rush while sipping on a Red Bull. When I thought I was okay, I’d, some how and some way, get back on and start the same fuckin’ routine; the same fuckin’ story.

I would be out of breath and out of my mind. I would look at “a Devin Thomas” and say “He wouldn’t want my ass.” I mean, I’m not walking around with a dump truck on my back. I had this impression you needed an insta-giganta ass or be Thugnificent to entice all the boys. I would comment to Star Fox that he must be meeting “The Devin Thomas” type niggas cause of his bottom….. And funny enough, he was secretly admiring my shape, style, and swagg.

That is why I tell you that you never know who is looking at you.

When I started to look at myself and accept myself, my flaws, and my skin… I started to slow down my running. I also threw out that mental trap that being with a man would complete me. I was looking for someone to show me the love that I wasn’t giving myself. And truthfully, if “a Devin Thomas” didn’t want me then a) that is his loss and b) I probably wouldn’t want to deal with his ass anyway.

This Fox right hurrrrrr… is a work in progress and guess what? I may relapse and get back on the wheel for another spin. But, I like being where I am now. I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and open to what’s important: loving myself 200% with no regrets and no bullshit.

So, to all my Foxes, I say to you: let go and let love. You cannot move forth towards your blessing, holding onto the past or self esteem issues. Also, you cannot find any man to love you if you do not love yourself. Some of the dudes who are pimpin these niggas are not the best lookers but, they accepted themselves and learned some game. I know some bottoms who have these TOPS running around here all mentally fucked up. Plus, there are a ton of bottoms (or TOPS, if you are a TOP reading) competing to take your spot… So why would you let them? You want to be the rule and not the exception.

I feel great and from here on out, anything I want I will not let insecurity stop me. Whose with me?!

Life feels better when you are off the hamster wheel.

Brought 2 U by the Foxberry

You know I love a fine football player.

I mean,
if you are a faithful reader, you should already know who my TOP Wolf is.
(and btw, my TOP Wolf has alot of admirers these days. Kudos baby…)

But as of late,
I am getting word that alot of these ballers are bottoms.
Getting tackled in their tight ends on and off the field.
I must say,
it has me feeling rather…. confused.

Continue reading “Baller Bottoms UP.” →

I think I am a good person.

Well, scratch that “think”. I know I am a good person. Yet, you can think you are the best man in the entire world and when one person thinks not, you are ready to question your entire being. Why is that? Do we really need validation from everyone to prove we are good, sexy, and everything positive?

So, at work, one of the girls who has a crush on me decided she wanted to add me to a very popular social site. She forwarded all the other co workers who are on the same site to me, including this sexy ass dude who works in our department.

Foxes – he is sexy. Light skinned, tall, muscular, nice hair, did I mention muscular – all around “Wolf” material. Granted, he is straight until proven gay/bi but I wanted to get to know him on a friend like level, even if he is 100% straight. I like to know a lot of various contacts. Straight, gay, bi – whatever. I am down for friends/associates.

I did notice however that when we would be in contact with each other, he would be very distant from me. He would be quiet and not really as open as my other co workers. He would give slight head nods and not look me in my eyes. First sign.

So when I got the forward and saw his name, I instantly added him. No question. All the females added me, almost that day. He didn’t. As days went on, no “accept request” was sent to my email and I got the hint he wasn’t interested in pursuing a friendship with me.

It hurt a little. I mean, I think I am a damn good friend and have had straight boys be cool with me. I started to question who I was, my masculinity, and even my aura. It fucked with my mind for a while. It didn’t help that when I did see him on the job, he became even more distant…. In those tight muscule hugging shirts he wore.

Sorry…. Back on topic….

Anyway, I had to ask myself what were the reasons he didn’t add me. That’s just it: I don’t know. I have a totally different swagger than him so maybe he caught that and decided to not pursue anything. He is definitely not a “pretty” type of dude. He is typical average good looking guy.

Either way, we will NOT be cool.

I did want to sample the meat though. He may have had a small penis or a bad stroke – plus I think he is fucking one of the females at work and I have a sneaky suspicion it is our boss.

Life will go on and I learned my lesson.: never question who you are when rejected. This will all be a memory pretty soon. Move on to the next one who will accept.

Later Foxes

Brought 2 u on the Foxberry

Is looking for men over rated?

I had to ask myself that question, watching yet another movie dealing with love. If I’m not seeing it, then I’m hearing it through my speakers. If that’s not it, then I’m hearing about it from friends and loved ones.

Men, men, men + love (or ones idea of bad love desicions) and wild sex mixed in.

It’s almost becoming sickening especially when you aren’t involved with anyone at the moment. Yup, Jamari is actually cruising on Drought Street. I have been on a couple dates this year and none of the potential “men” were worth a call back. It was like was dating bottom of the barrel and I am far from it. They, of course, loved me but alas – I was over it mid date.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was a female. Had my share of men I was attracted too. They have it so easy and they should. Boy sees girl and tries to hit on girl. Boy sees me and can’t tell if I’m gay so he moves on. It seems the type of man that I am attracted too comes in a “straight” Godiva wrapper. It leaves for a lot of lonely nights and even longer days.

Searching for a Devin, Dez, Trey, or whoever makes me hard is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Let’s face it, I may never get my Devin Thomas. Or, I may get him and he be a limp dick slut bag with STDs hiding under the flap of his dick. I kinda grew into looking past femininity. Ones person’s fem maybe one man’s dream lover. Let’s face it: we are gay and even the most masculine man has a tinge of bitch in em. Ask a female!

But I am kinda over the chat sites, DL sign language, and all that bs that comes with this lifestyle.

I kind of want to concentrate on my journey to the top. I can damn near buy what I want (I’m no Steve Jobs but I do pretty well for myself)…… so money is not really an option. What I don’t have in men, I make up for in Ben Franklin. I am focused on school and my career. I have a nice place to live and I try to make sure my wardrobe is poppin’….

But I get lonely and I am starting to see so do a lot of gay men. Its either a lot of sex or a lot of loneliness. Even these negros who are in relationships are lonely. Its bullshit. Maybe if I was a wreckless whore, I would be happy… But I’m not. Thank GOD for parents who raised me right. Plus I know wreckless whores and their walls are damn near hanging down to their kneecaps (I kid, I kid). But guess what, whores of all shapes and forms get lonely too.

So is Jamari Fox over? HELL NO. I have just begun. I just think I need to focus on me and what is important (pretty much me) for right now.

So all in all, I want you to join me. I want us, you and me, to find what we are looking for and maybe find a potential man along the way. But if he doesn’t show face – we will still be okay.

Not jaded but optimistic. This is the first step in recovery.

Let’s get it.

Brought To You By The Foxberry

U walk past a group of hood dudes. A couple are staring at you under their fitteds. Blank stares. Does that mean they are gay?

I see that baller I want so badly. I listen to the gossip amongst my news flash Foxes. Rumors swirling. But does that mean he is gay?

That guy who I think checked me out at the grocery store. I caught him staring and then he looked off. Playing duck – duck – DL. Does that mean he wanted me?

Is this whole “yeah he is definitely gay” thing just something to keep us from jumping off a roof because there really isn’t that much gay people at all?

The only people I see goin on and on that someone is gay is women and gay people. Many times the woman is going on “feminine” traits and the gay dude is going on “fantasy”.

Or am I wrong?

That is something I think about, while sipping this wine tonight. I always hear gay people talking about they went down some block and such and such dude(s) stopped and was looking as he walked by. Was this just a figment of his imagination? Or was he really commanding the attention of DL dudes?

If there is so much gay dudes walking around this world today, then why are half of us single and lonely? Let’s do the Math. Let’s say that 35% of out gay people are roaming the United States today. Half of them are black so we will say 15%. Then, the rest is made up of DL and Bi dudes – then that is not a lot for us to work with. Or a really gigantic guessing game that isn’t really much fun.

I always look at dudes as I am doing my daily travels and wonder how much of these dudes checked me out and I did not notice. Or, how much of these dudes I wanted to check me out but they are straight. Because, not for nothing, many on the low dudes are not obvious with their hints and clues. Many dudes that are on the low are pretty much scared you will bust their spot. So chances of them hollering are a risk on their part.

Unless you are a queen who everyone knows gets down, then life for the rest of us is pretty much a challenge. The chat sites only offer so much and it seems like the same ol thing trying to get at you. You think you met someone that may be worth it but it was a false alarm rung way to many times.

So what are we to do? Are we doomed? Or do we just wait around, hoping and praying we catch a sign.

Let a fellow Fox know how you feel?

Brought To U By The FoxBerry