i was so tired earlier.
i fell asleep and woke up like it was a week day.
“FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
…and then i looked at my phone.
before i fell asleep tho,
i was thinking about this whole “work work” saga.
when i awoke,
i read the latest comments.
i have some “2am” thoughts…
when i write about my experiences with “work wolf”,
i can expect many various opinions about it.
its kinda like asking help on how to bake a cake.
when you ask a bunch of people how to bake a cake,
you are going to get different answers and techniques.
add this and that
turn the stove on first or wait until later
buy this and that
make sure you put sprinkles
some have more experience than others.
the thing is,
we all have done different things to get the outcomes we get.
when i add ingredients about work wolf to the foxhole,
some are going to say “yeah something is there”.
i will look “desperate” or “looking to get hurt” to others.
i can only type but so much.
i can’t type “actions” or every little thing when we interact in real time.
i only speak on the things that really stand out with us,
and like baking a cake,
it will bring about the “how to” or “don’t attempt” from the masses.
even tho he is my friend,
in my hearts of hearts,
he is confused AF.
i think he is attracted to me,
but at the same time,
he just isn’t ready.
some of us,
including myself,
have been there.
i also get the impression he has never done “this” before.
that leads to a constant back and forth.
some days he does a lot and others he pulls back.
i’m there in real time to witness it.
he likes the attention from me,
but i also like the attention from him.
i know.
weird.
so thats it.
i’m not gonna get defensive.
my feelings aren’t hurt.
i’ll be damned if i’m in comment boxes pulling fur and scratching eyes out.
some people agree and others don’t.
what can i do?
i could end up getting burned or get a really tasty treat.
however this cake is turning out in the end,
i’m proud of myself.
i did more than admire from afar as i usually do.
i’m getting my hands dirty.
i don’t give myself enough credit for simply just “trying”.
i’ll focus less on the ingredients and more on the joy of making it.
there is something special there that makes me happy.
even tho i can often times do too much in my own self critique,
i’m an animal who is entitled to make mistakes.
unlike others who live in perfectionism,
i’m not scared to have egg on my face.
thats the beauty of these situations we end up in.
you might burn the shit up,
waste your time and energy,
and have to start over,
but what did you learn tho?
or do you become bitter?
you have to learn something so you can give your recipe to someone else.
regardless of what happens,
how it happens,
or if it ever happens…
i’m satisfied either way.
deep down inside…
you are too because you’re still interested in how this all turns out.
night foxhole.
Whatever anyone says, do you Jamari.
I think everyone shares their opinions hoping to help you decide, but your decision will be different from all of ours. Everyone has their unique ending and we’re waiting to see what yours will be.
We’re just trying our best to get you that perfect ending. I know if you have a sad ending, I’m going to be sad as well reading it; though we don’t know you in life, your foxhole does care. 😘😘
I agree with theman regarding how long he is allowing everything to be ambiguous. I understand you are learning to deal with it but Im sure its still frustrating as fuck. I look back on some of my situationns of could have been and remember how i felt add on that at that time i was givin off wolf but was a fox on the inside, laawd frustration. Anyway im one of the ones that believe something is there.
I agree with you that he is confused and conflicted as fuck. Assuming that he is attracted to you Im sure its hard for him to process that he his. He knows he is but its like his mind is telling him to do two different things. One side is pushing him to interact with u, it wants to experiencce this and you. The other is like fuck no Im straight. I guess thats why he will allow more than a true str8 dude but up to a point. A point where he can play a game. He is not just playing a game with you, he is playing one with himself. His level of interaction allows hime to experience you while allowing him to regard it as just being friends when in actuality its more. Hell yall go on dates, that shit aint no friendly outing. Lol
You said one time he said he would be digusted in himself if he ever messed with a dude. That could mean many things, not just that he is not attracted to dudes. It could mean that he allowed himself to do something he has worked hard to surpress. I think he knows once he crosses that line especially with you there is no turning back and that scares the shit out of him. A lot of these dudes cant handle coming to the realization they are not straight. Hell it was for me, I remember the moment i mentally admitted it to myself I damn near passed out. These guys will do so many things to experience it while lying to themselves that its not gay or they aren’t really attracted to men. We have heard it all, i only got my dick sucked, i aint get fucked i did the fuckin, or the tranny ones.
For work wolf it appears it wont get physical, at least yet, but it has mentally and emtionally. I guess maybe thats how he justifies it. While others leave it physical with no emotions, work wolf has done the opposite. Either way physical will eventually lead to emotional and emotional will lead to physical. There will be a point where it all climaxes and there will be no more questions. Just know that is up to both of you not just him
I’m so proud of you for this post man! I don’t get to comment on your posts as much as I would like (work and school keeps a wolf busy) but I am proud of you for going out on a limb and taking a chance on something that you feel has potential. More times than not people will judge you on some shit that they would more than likely do if they were in the same situation. Whether people want to admit it or not but we’ve all been here! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but you never know unless you try. Shout out to you for at least trying. When I read your posts about him I get the same feelings that you get…this man is falling for you and definitely gives the impression that he wants to explore more things. We’ll see what happens in the future…just keep doing you the best way you know how and always know that you have an avid fan and supporter in me…REAL TALK!! Good luck boo!
Well said J! I love your progress, keep your head up and things will work out fine.
I agree with Newguy1. It is all love. My issue is, the longer it goes on without you knowing, the harder it will be in the long run. These situations are miserable. I’ve never chased the straight ones, but I do know how it feels to never know where you stand with someone. Constantly, your mind wanders about them all the time, but it can also be exciting actually to have someone in the mix.
The Man we know it’s all love you when you comment I think you been here the longest commenting than anyone else. I feel you have his best interest and just looking out for him and don’t want to see him get hurt, but it’s hard for us foxes especially discreet or down low ones to finally find a man we are attracted too and they give us attention and flirt with us. We don’t have the luxury like the straight lifestyle of just walking down the road and a wolf tries to talk too to us. I have been where Jamari is at plenty of times but out of fear I didn’t test the waters sometimes we have to take risk and go for it. SN: The Man I hope I can find a dude like you.
Jamari I’m so proud that you have gotten so far with him I think I remember it started with him doing a slick grind on you. As I said before he wants you he is just scared and confused, because all he knows he is being with females and that is the norm for him. Then, you come along and it brought out his feeling for wanting to be with a man. He’s probably a dude that when he was in his teen years banged females, but might of messed around with one of his homeboys, or he could of surpressed all of his feelings toward men until he met you. Jamari you are a grown man who is intelligent, smart, and has common sense like you said and others have said you see him on almost a daily basis we don’t you are not just imagining things. The sexual tension is there between you two and if you wanna go for it then go for it. Like, I said before you have my support in whatever decision you make.
Don’t worry about anything, hell , I’ve had some rough comments for you about work wolf, but its all love at the end of the day. All I know is, when you cook for him next week, put your draws in it lol.
First, follow your HEART!
I can’t speak for everyone but when I chose to comment it is never to insult u or in this case your friendship with work wolf but simply to offer advice from a different perspective. I think some comments are coming from a good place not to attack or insult u but it’s our way of helping and because we are still interested. ( well I know I am).
I don’t walk away from the foxhole thinking anything less of you, Nor do I expect for u to justify your decisions “pulling out fur” or “scratching eyes out”. 😲 You’re right, there is so much we don’t know thats not written down, and I know for sure words sometimes is not enough to express all that is felt.
Lastly, comments are simply opinions which are based on experiences and other factors. If u read it and can take from it cool….if it is bs to u move on from it.
Just follow your HEART!
Loved this post, Jamari. Work Wolf has you growing exponentially. I can feel how you are actually breathing more freely. There is nothing like living one’s truth.
Good job standing up for yourself with this post👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
your fox fur is tough because sometimes I feel like certain comments get a little rude on their opinion of what YOU should do. I’m all for tough love as long as it’s done in a respectful manner , because even though you’re a friend in most of or minds we don’t physically know you , at the end of the day none of us are there to witness your interactions with him so the foxhole is your safe place to voice your confusion and thoughts on the situation. This friendship you guys have isn’t just black and white but in a very grey area, which just leads to more overthinking and confusion. Your feelings are valid.
P.S. I like the little bit of shade you threw in at the end there( mostly because it’s true lol)