Being in this lifestyle these number of years, I have come across a number of bottoms. Some have been good friends and some I wish would get electrocuted a la Edie style on Desperate Housewives (Yes nigga, I said Desperate Housewives.)

Some of these descriptions can be any one of us or none of us. If you get offended by the list, that’s not my fault. That is your fault partna. Maybe you need to work on your insecurities and get your shit together. I’m just calling it like I saw it.

Here goes…

The Insecure Bottom

He is painfully insecure. He does not think he is attractive. He doesn’t like his style. He has low self esteem to the max. He wants love. He wants a man. He dreams of living the life of his friends but can’t. Why? He has too much hang ups. He usually meets a top that will end up taking advantage of him and then drive him to suicide. Something is wrong with something or something is always wrong. Before he gets with anyone, he needs to work on his limited self love. No one will love him unless he can fully love himself.

Can be seen with: All The Bottoms. There is one in every crew.

The Fem Bottom

He is a raging flaming queen and loving it. He is gayer than Pride on a Sunday. He is in a gay house and his ass walls are filled with tattoos with their trademark. He is cool but can be loud. He is gay so tight ass jeans and smite shirts are acceptable in his world. He will vogue in public and knows every ball in the coming month. If you are discreet or DL, I suggest staying far away because rolling with him, you will be guilty by association.

Can Be Seen With: The Butch Bottom, The Beyonce Bottom, The Glamour Bottom

The Butch Bottom

Masculine but will bitch out when needed. He and his crew of flunkies are all pants sagging, thug acting undercover queens. Usually in the latest clothes and shoes. Weed smoking and bottle poppin. Tops looking for masculine brothas are usually caught up fucking with them. They try to blend in with the crowd but end up standing out colorfully when they get comfortable.

Can Be Seen With: The DL Bottom, The Fem Bottom

The “Beyonce” Bottom

All Beyonce. All the time. Been to EVERY concert. Knows all her choreography. His life revolves around that woman. If he could buy a pussy, he would buy the “Sasha Fierce” Limited Edition uterus with microphone. You cannot say ANYTHING bad about Beyonce because that he-bitch will try to slit your throat. Proceed with caution. You hang with this bottom, you will be hearing Beyonce until your ears bleed.

Can Be Seen With: The Fem Bottom

The Two Faced Bottom

Smile in your face but will call his “girls” and gossip about all your shit. Funny thing is, this nigga is masculine! They like to dish and will probably dish about all your shit, what you are doing wrong and shit, and why your man needs to be in their shit. Usually the tell tale signs are there. If they start out talking about their friends to you, then best believe, you will be talked about shortly after. Once you realize you are in the presence of one, keep your shit to yourself. Create “fake” stories to have them entertained but keep them and their bitch ass ways at a distance. Only plus, they know who gets down and know who just got turned out. They are great sources of information if used correctly.

Can Be Seen With: The Insecure Bottom, The Butch Bottom, The Slut Bottom, The Turn Him Out Bottom, The Fem Bottom

The Cock Blocking Bottom

He knows a top that would be perfect for you but, will keep him away from you for whatever reason. You can spot this type because they are ALWAYS talking about how great this particular top (tops) and will try to hook you up BUT he never brings them around you. He will then talk about how this top is now suddenly taken (which he knew all along). Why? You are secretly a threat to them because HE likes that particular top (tops). They want to feel like they are on top of you and want no one else to be happy until they are happy (which maybe never until they release that jealous and envious spirit). Sadly, none of those tops are interested in him. They tend to be another level of “The Insecure Bottom”.

Can Be Seen With: The Insecure Bottom, The Fem Bottom, The Thirsty Bottom, The Two Faced Bottom

The “High Self Esteemed” Bottom

The reverse of the “Insecure Bottom”. This one is full of esteem and loves themselves 100 +. No issue on a good dose of self esteem but this bottom tends to down you as they build themselves up. They talk about what they got, who they fucked, how they fucked them, and so on and so forth. But, as they speak, they make it clear that YOU aren’t on their level. Solution? Ignore them. They thrive on the attention that YOU are giving. Once you take that away, they will move along to someone else or fold.

Can Be Seen With: The Insecure Bottom, The Two Faced Bottom, The Glamour Bottom, The Late Ass Bottom, The “Turn Him Out” Bottom

The Top Bottom

You meet him and he claims he is a top but, you can tell off the bat that something isn’t right. He does not display any qualities that show “top”. He is extremely sensitive and wants you to fuck him in the ass but still wants to keep his “top” title. Nigga, give up the ghost. You are a vers or a bottom but if the signs are pointing to bottom, more than likely, he is a bottom. Sooner or later, he will be one of your best friends.

Can Be Seen With: All The Bottoms.

The DL Bottom

Masculine. Sexy. Muscular. He is every tops dream. He is the one you see on BGC with the bulging muscles and various ass/dick shots. He is cool as hell when ya’ll are on the phone, talking and bugging out. He is not really down with the lifestyle. Never goes to the gay clubs and is very DL. He is always surrounded by straight dudes and females so, if you a little feminine, don’t even approach him in the street. He will ignore you like you were the black plague. His issue is that he is secretly lusting after one of the dudes in his crew of straight niggas. He will stay looking for signs, only to go home to jerk off to the thought of ol boy dicking him down. He moves in silence so do not even try to covert him.

Can Be Seen With: The Butch Bottom, The Top Bottom, The Fem Bottom (behind closed doors), The High Self Esteemed Bottom. Unless you are ultra masculine, you will be a hidden friend.

The Slut Bottom

His only motivation is to get fucked. He has a profile on every male dating site imaginable. Has messed with about 90% of all the tops from those sites and has left a trail of messy wet ass behind him. You mention his name, someone has fucked him. He is well known in the lifestyle for his hoish ways. If you know him, chances are you will be grouped into a category of “ho” also. Keep him at an arms length because he WILL try to fuck your man.

Can Be Seen With: The Thirsty Bottom, The Late Ass Bottom, The “Turn Him Out” Bottom, The HIV and In Denial Bottom, The “Wants Your Boi” Pussy Bottom, The Top Bottom

The Thisty Bottom

This one gets a little dick and thinks him and the top are together forever. He waits by the phone. He checks his BGC messages every 5 minutes. He is dying to be “wifed” up by a top. God forbid the top is fine, he will literally start stalking. He needs to pick up a copy of “He Is Just Not Into You” and learn the game QUICK. Thirsty is not cute and comes off desperate.

Can Be Seen With: The Insecure Bottom. Usaully can also attach himself to them all.

The Glamour Bottom

All about Louis, Gucci, Fendi, Chanel, or anything fashion. Usually has a little makeup on. He is all about vanity and the scene. Is at every event and you can spot him a mile away. He is all about Flashing Lights. That is fine but his problem is he lacks personality. When the cameras are gone, he is quite boring. His only main motivation is to be the star of the show and needs a top that can handle that particular lifestyle. He is usually in the know so you can get some good info if you keep him as a friend.

Can Be Seen With: The High Self Esteemed Bottom

The Late Ass Bottom

He can’t dress. He has no game. He can’t keep or catch a man. The problem with him is he is delusional because he thinks he is the shit. He thinks that his whole shit is on point. He has no friends and basically lives in this fantasy world called “Crazy”. You meet him thinking he has it all together but as you get to know him, you see that all his shit is a lie. Once you see he is nothing but a damn lie, all you can really do is leave this crazy ass nigga ALONE.

Can Be Seen With: He is so phony that tries to attach himself to every bottom but the friendship never lasts to long. The Insecure Bottom usually falls for the bullshit though.

The “Wants Your Boi Pussy” Bottom

He is your friend and he is cool. You start noticing the touching and the direct flirting. This bottom use to be a top but decided he likes getting fucked instead. He meets you and is in love. Has a crush on you and hopes secretly that you will be his one day. Um, is he stupid? You are two bottoms!!! That is equal to being two lesbains!! Ain’t nothing going to happen but a double ended dildo butt fucking or him trying to get you to top him. Plain and simple. He needs to get with the program and realize you both are looking for the same thing.

Can Be Seen With: All of em! He is usually sexy but a walking contridiction.

The “Turn Him Out” Bottom

His only motivation is to turn out straight men. Now one can be argued that if you are totally straight, you CANNOT be turned out but this bottom makes it an effort to do so. He will act straight and befriend his prey. Let his prey be totally trusting in him and then pull some trifling ass shit by either 1) hitting on him unexpectedly 2) getting him drunk and taking advantage of him or 3) sucking this dude’s dick while he is asleep. He is a trifling ass nigga who is only out to get his “fantasy” man.

Can Be Seen With: The Two Faced Bottom, The Slut Bottom, The Thirsty Bottom

The HIV and In Denial Bottom

The most scandalous bottom of them all. Has the package and will pretend to others to be negative. He makes the game hard for us bottoms who are clean because he isn’t mentally together to come to grips with the fact that he has the disease.  He needs to take a long look in the mirror and realize that shit is not cute and can get a nigga killed. He needs to get with the program and hang it up.

Can Be Seen With: Sadly, we all know one. He is usually a messy Slut Bottom.

Later on, the Tops…

2 thoughts on “BottomBouquet.

  1. I think it’s a good thing I’m a lesbian because I don’t get all these rigid boxes my gay brothers have to fit in. It just seems so shallow and cold. Maybe I just don’t understand and need to be a gay guy to be comfortable with the whole classification system.

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