are you changed or nah for me to attend your birthday party?

i’m not one to stay angry for too long.
i’m a cancer so i can hold a grudge,
but i’ve learned to let shit go.
folks can be bitter and age like a banana over beef if they want to.

I’m good.

after a while,
i move forward.
just because someone is a dork doesn’t mean i need to be one too.
if the wound is still fresh,
i want all the smoke.
once it heals tho,
i can see you in a public setting and be cordial.

Just because someone is a dork doesn’t mean I need to be one too.

my goal is to make them look dumb as possible since they wanna act like an idiot.
imagine me having to tell the story about how horrible someone treated me,
yet i showed them nothing but love.
so i got a call today about mi,
my sister,

someone who i was angry about for a long time…

her aunt told me how good she has been doing.
she has been taking her meds and her cousin has been on her.
they have been traveling and doing all kinds of cool shit.
i’m happy for her.
her aunt said she wants a relationship with me again.

I’m willing.

it’s not like she has been acting an entire fool anymore,
which is why i separated myself in the first place.
she hurt me,
but i’m not hurt anymore.
i’ve been healed from that.
i got a question that i had to think about:

“I think it would be nice if you came through to surprise her for her birthday coming up.”

i’m thinking about doing it.
i dunno yet tho.
i haven’t seen her in a few years now.
my last memory of her was a bad one so this will be a new start.

it made me wonder about reconnecting with those who hurt us.
they say time heals all wounds and we should be let bygones be bygones.
what if nothing has changed and it’ll be the same once they get comfortable?
can a leopard truly change its spots?
or are the old spots just skillfully hidden under new fur?
i had to wonder…

Can people truly change from their past bad behavior with you?

i’ve been fooled before.

5 thoughts on “are you changed or nah for me to attend your birthday party?

  1. I’m going to be honest that may backfire on you. She could be willing to fix relationship but that does t mean she’s ready for a surprise from you on her birthday. Especially if she hasn’t attempted to reach out yet. You don’t know what you could be getting yourself into. I think in situations like these it wouldn’t hurt to plan a brunch/dinner. Some people act out when surprised/put in the spot. Either way hope it works out for you

    1. Agreed, it is probably best to reconnect prior to the birthday. It will give you both a chance to test the waters. You don’t want a surprise to put either one of you in an uncomfortable situation.

  2. Hi Jamari,
    I think this is a special case. If she didn’t have the mental health struggles, I’d say to stay away. But mental health is a lifelong struggle and aside from medication, we still don’t really know how to handle it. Treatment is constantly changing and isn’t a fix-all for everyone. I’m not saying to not hold her accountable. I’m saying that it’s like someone with dementia. When they remember you, it’s good. When they don’t, they become violent because they’re confused. So…be prepared and cautious, but if it goes well, don’t be ready to welcome her 100% back into your life.

    Try your best not to comment on “Are you taking your meds? How do I know you’ve changed?” Those kind of statements can make people feel their progress isn’t enough and turn to self-destructive behavior. Try to find a way to encourage the positive changes that she has made without sounding condescending.

    So keep it simple: “It makes me happy to see you doing well. You look really fantastic in this pandemic”

    If you go, I hope it’s better than you expect.

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