“Lol Jamari you sound like you just broke up with your boyfriend.
Don’t have that pineapple turning you into a long Adele video.” – one of my fav foxholers in an email
i think what hurt my feelings was treating me like i didn’t exist.
that is the part that stings the most.
i’ll tell you all because we are having “fox talk” right now.
its’ done tho.
work wolf and i are not friends anymore.
after all this childish cold shoulder bs,
i came to a decision that this has reached it’s expiration date.
for some,
i’m sure they thought that a while ago.
for me,
i wanted to hang on because i was so sure.
“so sure” i’d end up getting hurt…
after this last incident,
i knew it was over.
there was too much betrayal on his part.
he didn’t out me or anything crazy.
he just wasn’t loyal.
he tried to turn it all around to make it look like it was my fault.
say what?
i am always trying to make our friendship work.
hell we been through some bigger shit,
but we always find ourselves back to being friends after a fall out.
well scratch that.
i always found a way back and low-key awarded bad behavior.
it usually starts with him,
but ends with me wanting to resolve the issues.
i am just use to that,
even though with my current squad,
we don’t argue.
he isn’t that wolf.
i thought i was different.
hell he told me i wasn’t,
but yet he treated me like everyone else he doesn’t respect.
so this last time tho,
i wasn’t going to apologize because i def did nada.
what i did do monday?
send a text so we could just move past the drama.
what he do?
ignore it
okay cool.
today,
my foxy senses told me to text him this final statement.
i basically told him:
thanks for the friendship
this wasn’t my fault
i wish you good luck
enjoy whatever endeavors you pursue next
no “fuck you” or anything crazy.
he “read” the message,
but…
no answer
it went through as “delivered”.
he tried coming around my area,
to “talk” to liar liar,
with his phone in his hand.
i guess that was him trying to be spiteful?
i don’t know.
i simply continued doing what i was doing.
there will be no “reaction” from me.
i’m not a jackal or hyena.
animals always try to get a rise out of me.
my “ignore” is a masterpiece.
coming home tonight,
i erased all his information out of my phone.
i don’t deserve to be treated like this.
i will admit i am sad,
depressed even,
but i’m no one’s idiot.
shame it ended like this.
after all i have done,
this is what i get in return?
wow.
i really thought we would be friends for a long time too.
my feelings are hurt,
but what can i do?
moving on will be a bitch,
and i have to see him at work,
but i’ll have to adjust.
sucks.
i had to wonder tho…
Did my friendship to him mean anything?
…or was i that easy to throw away and never look back?
😒 It’s not repetitive, it’s structure. Blogging with specific topics: foxmail, meat, mental homework, gossip, fashion tips, etc. I’m laughing at the comment about too much mixed, when Jamari is always saying he likes some dark chocolate. That doesn’t mean he should post only men that color.
I think the situation was handled Jamari style; mature and outspoken. I can agree the text may have not been needed, only because it enabled more pain, but it was an effort to communicate like an adult.
When it comes to relationships it’s not always aiming to one up the other person, that’s not going to get you anywhere but alone and bitter. You have to stick your neck out a little bit.
I don’t think the text was necessary, it wouldn’t phase him because I’m sure all his vixens send him the same thing and he thinks your just talking shit. But I do understand it was your way of letting him know your done with the immaturity and the silent treatment. With that being said, you need to be selfish for awhile, selfish with your time. If you tell him your done, you have to stick to your word because you won’t be taken seriously. You and him both have personal issues your dealing with, and your both taking your anger out on each other. It may hurt now, but I promise you it’s not that deep, you won’t even care about it after awhile. You need to do some soul searching. You have a lot of pain your holding onto, which in turn is causing you to react the way you are. And you may want him on a deeper level, but what you want isn’t always good for you. I think you should keep the friendship, but anything further will only cause more issues. I’ve been thru the same situation as you and I’m telling your from my own experience. It’s not as bad as you think and you will eventually get over him.
^i really appreciate this answer John.
everyone left good feedback as well.
thank you for giving a flukk about me.
what makes me feel bad is everyone is saying “oh you’ll be back!” And “you will go back to him”.
i can admit that when i get over something,
i remove all the issues that come with it.
so if he wanted to have a serious convo,
i would be down to listen.
i actually feel good today not speaking to him.
he has been buzzing around my area,
but im way too swamped to even pay him any mind.
i just don’t want to come off weak and stupid.
i guess ive fallen into a trap that I don’t know how to remove myself from.
smh.
Your not weak or stupid, you just really care about someone who can be a complete asshole at times and it’s adding to your stress. You have this wall you put up, and he got pass it and it’s scary because you don’t want to be hurt. But I’m telling you it’s not work wolf thats making you feel this way, your just stressed out and it’s taking you thru an emotional roller coaster. I think he’s a good friend and cares, I mean the ninja bought you an apple watch, and look how hard he’s trying to be seen #sitdown. But you have to remember he’s not your man, he’s your friend. You may not feel like your acting like he is, but thats exactly what I was doing in my situation without realizing it. You have the power to control the situation, but you gotta deal with yourself first. Once you do that, shit like this won’t phase you.
But that ain’t happening overnight so for now just keep your distance, do not text him anymore. Just do you, always be busy but do not make it obvious your keeping your distance. Then one day your going to do something that is going to make him miss you. Then he’s going to hit u up and from there the ball will be in your court. But remember make it very clear this silent treatment shit ain’t going to slide, I’d respect it if he’d just tell you I need some space. But I ain’t with this petty ish anymore.
P.S.
I really appreciate the reply, I was little skeptical leaving that comment. I hate coming off as a know it all lol
You’ll take him back when he comes back around LOL. I feel like you’re only saying this now because he has refused to respond to any of your advances. Usually every time he wants your attention, you end up succumbing (judging by your posts). So I think the ball is in his court right now. It always seems like it has been based on your past entries on here. Y’all will get back together once/if he wants to speak to you again.
I come by every day and see no problems with what Jamari posts…It is his website, is it not?
Now people are attacking the blog, yet, still they pass by every day. what might not be for you, might be for someone else.
Jamari sounds like you write something on “self centered ness” .
J. I applaud you for stepping in for yourself and saying it’s enough..no more, it stops here!
Its not weakness, but maturity.
Coworkers are going to start observing you and him not speaking and the questions will start, then what? what will you say?, what will he say? and since he has an image to uphold he might just crawl back to you with his “tail” between his legs (is his tail long or short?, thick or thin) (smile) ….. and I think you will open up to being friends with him again. j/s
I knew he was TEMPORARY since the first argument
He seemed sweet
But he had a lot of issues going on
You deserve better’
Don’t fall for his trap again, because I GUARANTEE you he will come crawling back
You r better than that J
And don’t be depressed, go see a movie or get a drink alone. You will be fine babe.
Take the healing slowly. Don’t rush it. The opposite of love is not hate. It’s indifference. You are a long way from that no matter face you show him or the world.
^ the opposite of love is indifference, that right there is a part of the song call stubborn love by the Lumineers… nice song by the way. Jamari you should listen to that song… “keep your head up” Keep your love…
You were great to him. I could use a friend like you. If he didn’t appreciate you no need to force it. You exhausted all routes with him. But I feel he will make his way back.
Long time lurker but I will give my 2 cents. I enjoyed the art that was created with this story. It didn’t end the way we thought it would but I’m glad it showed the emotional standpoint than the physical. Too many times in the gay world, the story is “I went here, fucked this guy, then went here, fucked two more guys, and now I’m fucking some other guy”. That gets boring and redundant.
I was addicted to this and I’m sorry Jamari you didn’t get the WW character. There are many other “wolves” in the jungle to write about. You will be blessed with a good one soon 😉
This to shall pass, thanks for helping the fox hole deal with issues that may pop up for us because you have shown the fox hole the way, to deal with problems of all kinds,continue to share and let us grown in this gay thing called life.GOD gets the glory
Funny how every1 comments switched. A couple months back some of these people was egging this toxic whatever you want to call it on. Glad you got your balls back Jamari by cutting his off
!!!!!!!
*waves hands from the church pew*
Whatever!!!!! you call it toxic.. I call it being human..
Just because it’s human doesn’t mean it’s not toxic and sick…
Facts!! For the past few months it was all “go pursue him”, “he’s into you”, “I like y’all together” etc.
Now it’s all “you could do better than him”, “I’m glad it’s over”
LMAO I can’t with all the wishy-washy mess…
Nope that wasn’t me.
Jamari, I love you, I love your blog, I love you through your blog. I must say I have been on your site sparingly this year so far. I used to be on here multiple times a day in 2015 but this year so far I couldn’t anymore. I love seeing your growth as an adult through the blog but it seemed like it was getting repetitive for a moment. The same work wolf shenanigans. The same half naked or fully naked swirly mixed looking guys with a few bites of chocolate every now and then. The same periodic sad post. The same work conflicts, home conflicts, money conflicts, etc. Im very surprised to see today, after a long hiatus, that you believe you and work wolf are really done. Great Jamari. This is a new year bro. This is your year. You are capable of great things. Use all the time and energy wasted of 2015 b.s. and channel that into your best 2016 better self. This year you should move towards your goal of a more fruitful career, a better home environment, exploring your creativity and meeting great people.
Great Comment.
Facts. I want Jamari to be great. He’s a great dude.
Great comment Billy B. I love Jamari too and he is in a rut. The blog does repeat itself. The Meat pictures sadden me. You should be like Van and me and putting up real pics of the guys you meet, not these airbrushed attention hoes off Instagram. WW is like a bad drug. You need to go cold turkey, go through detox and withdrawal symptom and LEAVE HIM DA FUCK ALONE. He doesn’t treat women well and if he ever does guys it will be the same. He is holding back your growth. You two have a passive aggressive, co-dependent dance going on. It’s not healthy. Go see a clinical social worker ot therapist who specializes in same sex relationships to figure out why you are like a dog that keeps going back and eating his vomit. Befriend some older gay men who can mentor you . I used to love your blog but Van and I read it and want to throw our phones, tablets and laptops out the window. It’s emotionally exhausting and frustrating to follow especially when you get good advice but keep doing the same shit. You have a good heart…you deserve to be more than someone’s toy. Okay one last piece of advice. Dude you need to get some real dick. The bigger and blacker and harder the better. It will relieve the negative sexual tension you have devoted to this fantasy Pineapple. You want me to send you a bus ticket to Baltimore? I have this hot Puerto Rican/Black professional buddy with a good job, luxury downtown apartment and nice car who would love to take you on a date. Seriously.
I follow your blog also. It’s intense though. Lol.
^Yo…send me his address! I’ll go! LOL
Aww Jamari you’ll be fine dude, I know it’s hard but don’t let this situation upset you. You have put so much time and energy into work wolf and have given him chance after chance so I definitely think you did the right thing. I agree with Tajan you scare and confuse work wolf, he probably never ever felt this way for a dude before so he loves and resents you at the same time. I also don’t think he knows how to love people he probably was never taught. You definitely don’t deserve to be treated like shit by him and then going and talking to liar liar after he knows that situation definitely makes him a bitch ass dude. I think he enjoys hurting you, I also don’t think it’s over between you’ll two. I give him a week or two and he will try to run back to you, but if you decide to let him back, you need to have his little ass balls in the palm of your hand, you be the driver and let him be the passenger. If you haven’t talk to Karoke about this situation maybe you should, also where is that pretty vixen friend at go hang and network with her. Go to a club, bar, lounge, or restaurant with her. You know wolves hang in packs there maybe you might get lucky and meet one there. You could also try getting on gay sites or going to a gay club. I just want you to be happy because all the things you been through you deserve to be happy and I think it will come soon.
Good riddance to him, I been through alot of seasonal friends so I understand this episode you are going through all too well……The key is to never allow them to bounce back into the position they held in your heart once before. It drives them insane and if it was something on their part that cause the rift….the universe has a funny way of rewriting those wrongs with Karma. He’s a disrespectful, using ass fuck boy, ignore his ass permanently….don’t even reply to him if he reaches out. That’s how you snatch your power back. He mind fucks individuals to control them be happy you’re not one of his hoes whom gets both Fucks.
who gets both fucks^
He treated you like the women he dates. Without the sex.
No relationship is a waste of time.If it didn’t bring you what you want,it taught you what you don’t want.I’m sorry but ending this relationship may enable you to start some new relationships.
I think that last text was a bit much. Shouldn’t have been sent. Ending a friendship if it is truly over is one thing but the way you did it was kinda a bitch move. If he ignored you let it be. Move on. He was bothered so he tried to show it didn’t by coming and talkin to a person he knows you don’t like. He was trying to get your attention. You broke up like a bitter girlfriend. .not as if ending a friendship. You were too in your feelings aa hid girl or dude and not as his “friend” you showed him he still has power over you when you should have kept on 100 and either told him face to face or left him alone until he showed you he deserved and wanted to keep communication going. Unfortunately you will be writing about him again
Yeah I wish he didn’t sent a text to him…..it displayed weakness IMHO
^honestly i don’t see it as weakness at all.
two cold shoulders equal what?
dysfunction.
it leads to dead ends and “haha! i got him under my control”.
i wanted to let him know:
a) i am mature
b) I was the most mature thing in your life
c) even tho you a fuck-Jackal right now,
im still going to give you the respect
i went out with him on top.
clearly he is still in his feelings to play ignore.
he’ll wake up when he is all alone.
^see what i did gave me the closure I needed.
girl.
boy.
i don’t give a fuck.
if I look like a bitch for the text,
he looks like an asshole for this whole silent treatment brigade.
he shouldn’t have an issue with it.
that was the “thing” he liked about me.
remember?
im done with that dude tho.
im not interested in his life or what he has to say.
We have to respectfully disagree….I dont agree with the other commenter being that direct but showing that you are the maturer person to an immature individual doesn’t really do much. I felt it was a more subtle manipulative tactic to get a rise out of him or a aggressive response. I really felt you did it to make him feel the way you felt about the non contact treatment….which I don’t think was a mature move in itself. The maturer thing would’ve been to avoid sending anything, that way u are showing that you are truly over the whole ordeal.
Sometimes J you have do to things that individuals like him least expect.
I still think ww is at least bicurious, and was scared of his feelings for you, that’s why he just has physical short term booty calls with women. I’m glad you cut him loose, the revenge will be him missing you! What if he was following your blog the entire time?
Oh wow I’m sorry you had to end your friendship on an ugly note, but were you guys really friends o was it an illusion? I mean friends don’t usually fight a lot like you guys because that isn’t normal at all. Obviously you two aren’t compatible for each other..
Don’t take it too hard…yalls friendship season is over. Hopefully you learned something from this experience or at least enjoyed the ride. And a mini vacation to clear your head isn’t a bad idea.
This made me sad, only because I believe this may be it. If he is draining you this much, just leave him be.
It’s a long time coming, sad to hear but you know what’s best for your well being and heart. It sucks because he did bring some joy in your life, but along with that he brought you more heart break and depression on an up and down roller coaster.
Who knows in a few days or weeks he might apologize and it might be heartfelt , but we know that this will happen again. Whatever you decide to do you’ve got support here just don’t expect different results from him or this situation with the same routine.
It’s definitely time to get back on the job hunt, I know before you were doing it but I think vein comfortable and having WW there held you back with going Full Force. Now that you have cut things off there is nothing to to stop you from finding something better.
Good luck these next few days
J, you gone look back on this and realize this is one of the best things that ever happen to you. As you well know through email convo we had a while back, I have been in this movie. I decided to let the movie end and dont do a sequel. I really think that this friendship/relationship has been over a while ago, but like the old Gladys Knight song said, neither one of you wanted to be the first to say goodbye. You scare WW, he may be a wolf but his whole mentality is fox and that is why you all would clash, he like many so called masculine str8 dudes have no clue about being a real man and all that it entails. The coming talking to Liar Liar was a bitch move through and through, like something a messy ass queen would do. This dude has some deep seated issues that only a psychiatrist is going to be able to work out. Please do yourself a favor and get out and meet other people. I know it is hard due to being so comfortable in this non- relationship you were having with WW. I have been there, trust me, something deep down found it easier to just wrap my mind around a fantasy than to take a chance and get the real thing for myself. This year I have had some people give me some tough love about myself and it is starting to work. Please put a nail in this coffin and let it die. WW has been blocking your blessing to fulfillment with another dude who is going to appreciate you. We put way too much energy in these Non MFukking Factor Pineapples who come our way especially if he is dressed up in a cute face with muscles, but when you get to know them, their mentality screams power bottom. Welcome back to real world, it is time to focus on your body, your health, your career. The universe is telling you to get rid of your cousin, WW and anything else that has been stressing and holding you back including your job, that needs to be the next thing to go. I am in the process of planning my escape from mine because it is causing me too much stress and grief. Your foxhole family is here to support you on this journey. We got your back.
I know it hurts. But you have to get past this and heal. Be good to yourself. Get out and socialize. If you have any vacation take a 3-day weekend and hop on a bus to Philly or DC or Bmore and get out of your environment. Trust and believe you will get better. And a year from now you will look back and say “What was I thinking.” #beentheredonethatwroteablog
I agree with immanuel22 a change of scenery will be good, if you can take a sick day Friday or Monday and take a trip out of New York.
Good. Ending the friendship on your terms as opposed to being dumped or ignored is the most powerful thing you could have done for yourself. Really think about that. That could apply to so many situations…whether its a relationship or a job. You should be very proud of yourself!