i was so late today to meet work wolf.
we hung out again.
yes.
i guess today was a two part saga.
one that was pretty revealing compared to last night…
he told me last night that he was gonna be in the city.
he asked if i wanted to go with him to buy his 4th of july outfit.
“sure”
i wasn’t going to hold my breath tho.
he likes to make promises he can’t keep.
well as i was about to play batman today,
he texted me at 12pm like:
“i’m about to leave”
i wasn’t even dressed.
no shower.
i was in relax mode.
i told him to leave at 1.
“cool”
when i got dressed:
white t
light blue jean shorts
red and white sneakers
…i texted and called.
no answer.
no read receipt.
i thought he stood me up.
in my mind,
i wasn’t even going to speak to him again.
“i’m down here at the usual spot.
was on the train.
where you at?” – he returned my text at 145.
i was still in the damn crib.
i raced out the door towards the train station.
i didn’t get to him until 230.
i apologized profusely when i got there.
he picked out a nice outfit from polo.
he tried it on and his body…
i can’t.
he wanted to make sure i liked it.
i did.
everything was on display just right.
well the whole thing rang up to 150.
that was how much he wanted to spend.
afterwards i suggested we go get something to eat.
he said he was hungry.
i told him about this italian spot i think he would like.
of course he was down.
when we got there,
it wasn’t packed.
“we should get a drink.”
“sounds good.”
he showed me a picture of a vixen he is talking to right now.
she was cute.
nothing special.
not hating either.
i asked him some questions about her.
how he met her?
how long they were talking?
“through a friend.
1 month now.”
“have you fuckEd her yet?”
“yeah last week.”
i guess this one flew way under the radar.
he told me how his fuck buddy is hooked on the dick he gives her.
he wants to cut her off because she is becoming sprung.
“well good sex does lead to emotions work wolf.”
“yeah.
yeah.
i know.”
“what do you do to make these girls go sprung?”
“i don’t know jamari.
i just fuck em real good.”
i felt chills.
so then he said:
“you always asking me about my love life.
lets talk about your love life…”
uh oh.
was it the drinks?
“i mean i didn’t think you’d want to hear about mine.”
“why wouldn’t i?
you are my friend.
i’m comfortable with myself.
so who you talking to right now?”
i told him i wasn’t talking to anyone.
i told him about wolves i use to talk to.
he was shocked.
i also told him how hard it was to find someone.
then i said this:
“i’m not really looking for a relationship.
i’m looking for someone to fuck with on the regular.
someone who will be a friend.
i don’t do one night stands.”
he goes in to say he likes one nighters.
“let me ask you something and don’t take a offense to this.
would you ever mess with a dude?”
yup.
i asked it.
get some drinks in me and i’m a lot bolder than usual.
so he says:
“nah.
i don’t think i could.
honestly i never thought about it.
if i did,
i would feel disgusted with myself after.”
“i mean you are straight so i would imagine that would be your answer.”
he was really curious about my world.
i had to wonder if it was the drinks?
he told me how some of the gays at work are really emotional.
“what do you think i would be?
just by looking at me?”
“well you dress like a man,
but your emotions are feminine.
so you a man and woman?”
i had to laugh.
“well i am a fox bottom.”
“what does that mean?”
“it means i’m submissive.
i’m the one who gets fucked.
i don’t think i could ever see myself fuckin a dude.”
he got quiet.
i told him my world is not too different to his.
they are both dominated by sex.
he told me he wants me to to wait until i meet the right wolf.
he didn’t want me sleeping with everyone and giving my stuff away.
“i just want the right wolf to come in my life.”
“we’ll see.”
then he said:
“yeah its gonna happen soon.”
we stayed there for a good 2 hours.
we talked about everything.
more in depth than last night.
every question i asked him he answered.
i even asked him his favorite sexual position.
“doggy.”
it was a pretty good day.
i hope to have more of these with him.
lowkey: when we were leaving,
this FINE muscular wolf walked by us.
he had on a wife beater.
pecs and arms on display.
of course i was checkin’ him out heavy.
work wolf caught me.
i told him that was my type.
he laughed and told me go right ahead.
i like this one in my life.
IMO it really doesn’t matter if he is straight,bisexual,bicurious or gay, he is a player and a cheater.J deserves better unless he only wants a f#ck buddy.
None of us can accurately give opinions on this because we are not there. However, sounds to me he just wants to be friends. I had a friend in my earlier years of college who smoked with a queen on the reg, not into dudes one bit. Just like Reza and Mike from the Shahs. Mike is not gay, they are just good friends or were. Y’all keep gassing this. Stay chasing dudes who are straight. SMH. Dude says he will never kick it with a dude and y’all saying he is on the defense. I don’t care who gets upset with me for saying it.
I think you bring up some very valid points, especially when you say “we are not there.” I think that in many ways “The Work Wolf” saga is like watching a reality show and many of us tune in for the train wreck potential of the relationship. Reality shows are based on the premise that characters are going to make bad decisions and humiliate themselves for the entire world to see. One things that I commonly hear from reality show stars is “I am not really that way in life,” or “what you saw on TV didn’t really happen that way because the producers just edited the scene for the sake of drama. In other words we don’t have “Work Wolf’s” side of the story, and even in reality shows characters are given an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings about a situation that just occurred on screen.
However, this is an open forum and “J” “for better or for worst is open to the opinions and suggestions of his readers. I also agree with you that “J” should take heed to “Work Wolf” saying and I paraphrase “the the thought of having sex with another man is disgusting to him.” If Work Wolf was being defensive or not it is a strong indicator that entering into a sexual relationship with him could be very emotionally traumatic for “J”, especially because he has to work with him. Trust me when I say if and when the dynamics between Work Wolf and J changes everyone on the job will notice, because they are watching them every closely..
To me honestly, it seems like “J’s” relationship with the “Work Wolf” fluctuates between each one of them feeling superior over the other at any given moment. In the case of the “disgusting comment it was Wolf possible feeling superior in the moment being heterosexual. I am loosely basing this on a comment that he made describing “J” and I paraphrase “physically you are a man and emotionally you are a female.” However, again I just think “Work Wolf” was put on the spot with the question ” have you ever thought about being with a man before?” That is probably a question he has never been asked before, and because of that a certain about of defensiveness is natural in that situation. Come on you mean to tell me that you were never placed on the spot with a question and lied because you did not know how to answer it, without possibly assuming some type of emotional or personal risk?
I really don’t think based on “J’s” descriptions,of Work Wolf, he really doesn’t put a whole lot of thinking into whatever he is going to do or not do next. He is emotional and impulsive and he is just going to go with whatever the moment dictates to him and deal with the fallout later.
That’s so true, I tell everyone I’m straight if I get asked that question. Why? Because I don’t like to be put on the spot and whether you believe me or not, it doesn’t matter to me, but its still none of your business and fcking rude to ask. I think in this situation because Jamari and WW are so close that it was okay for him to ask,
Also giving the easy answer is just well “easier” because I don’t want to have to explain my sexuality to anyone or have conversations about it. It’s one of those things where if I wanted to tell you, you’d already know, and there is a reason you don’t.
It’s very possible that Work Wolf may have had the same reaction or something similar, but our situations are different. He could be defensive,but I would take him for his word.
Exactly. People are reading more into it than it is. His choice of words “disgusting” shows that. He is not interested in men.
J work wolf is feeling you heavy. I think he has always had “those thoughts” because of the way he treats these vixens. How he always runs through them and never wifes one up just shows that he is compensating for something else. He is fighting a battle between what society and possibly his family wants him to be and what he really wants. Work wolf is above anything else very curious. The reason I know this is because I used to be him. One girl after another trying to fight who I really am. Then out of no where came this guy that made me feel differently than any girl I’ve ever had. Suddenly things were put into perspective and I truly realized who I really am. I won’t be surprised if he tells you that he’s feeling you one day. I don’t give it too much longer.
And the disgusted comment was just a defense mechanism. He started to get too comfortable and had to gain back his masculinity. Trust me, I know!
Jay:
I think you are correct when you say “Work Wolf” is feeling “J Heavy,” however one must define what “feeling heavy is for the sake of clarity.” For example, “Work Wolf,” may be feeling J deeply as a friend, a fashion consultant, a social guide, and an occasional confidant, but have zero romantic or sexual feelings for him.For all we know maybe he could be feeling “J” out for another gay friend he may have and want to introduce him to? I have a lot of male and female friends who I am extremely close to and very intimate with, but I have zero sexual or romantic interest in them. I love our conversations, I love laughing together about sick things, and I love the emotional support we give to one another. However, there has been times when I was unaware that one of my friends had developed romantic or sexual feelings for me. Usually, it would take me a while to pick up on their cues, or they may simply tell me. When this happens, I would usually have a very tactful conversation about their feeling towards me with them and reach an understanding with them that will preserve our friendship.
When it comes to the possibility that “Work Wolf” may have sexual thoughts of being with another man or even with “J” According to research “a significant amount of heterosexual men will occasionally fantasize about having sex with other men, especially their best friends,” and some scientist think it has something to do with a hormone that is produced in both male and female called “Progesterone.” Progesterone has something to do with the formation of social bonds.This is why some heterosexual men who hang out together for a long time tend to develop homoerotic behaviors in their interactions. I .must note however, although they may have/ had sexual thoughts about another man does not mean they will ever act on them
I also do agree with you that most womanizers are compensating for something, however it may not be that they are compensating as a defense against homosexual feelings. Work Wolf in his conquest of females, could be compensating for feeling less than a man because of his status in life (as most black men do), because of his height, because of his physical appearance, his lack of education, or maybe even his penis size. Whatever, the reasons are, Work Wolf is most likely trying to fill a void within himself with all these women and he may be a sex addict as most womanizers are..
In my personal and professional experience, I learned that many womanizers have a underlining hatred for women stemming from possible unresolved childhood issues or trauma involving their mother or primary female care provider. They tend to hate women because they fear and loathe the power that they have over them, sexually, emotionally, and for some black men financially. They fear that if they open up to love a woman that the woman will perceive them as being weak, and leave them. This is where all the negative talk about women usually comes from with womanizers ,however, if your reverse what they are saying you could hear “I am sprung on that pu**y, “I want to have a deeper relationship with her,”or ” I can’t be trusted in a relationship.” However, it does not mean they are struggling with homosexuality. Finally, I must add that statistically speaking, some womanizer may have occasional sex with men however, I think it has more to do with their sexual addiction, needing to fill that void with whatever or whomever is available at the moment the impulse to have sex hit. This is where the term men having sex with men come from. Men who have sex with other men, tend to identify themselves as exclusively straight, and they usually have no long term interest in a sexual or romantic relationship with another man. I hope this helps.
Love your comments.
Well said Ifyouaskme! You broke it down! I learned something new from your comment. Thank you.
JaySquared. Yes. In fact, I am partially still “that guy.” I could not agree more…IMO (humble)
Ay que lindo! I thought it was sweet when he said he didn’t want you to sleep around and wait for the right one. Awww he cares about you.
I was just imagining this was gonna end up in an intense scene with Missy Elliott’s “***** don’t fail me now” playin in the background. LOL but I like this ending much better
Brother:
In middle school math class, I learned that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I think at this point it may be emotional healthy for you and for your relationship with Work Wolf to do one of the following things:
1. You can tell him the truth that you have develop emotional and sexual feelings for him, and that he keeps giving you mix messages which is makes it difficult and confusing for you to deal with him.
2. You can end your relationship with him , and end all of the emotional turmoil you are feeling when you are with him.
Because if you don’t then your only options are going to be:
1. To continue to be silent ,and continue try to interpret his every action, his every inaction,and his every word to see if he has a possible sexual interest in you, and condemn yourself to continue to suffer in silent confusion.
2, Continue to have a platonic, emotionally agonizing, and sexually frustrating relationship with him, and eventually grow to resent him.
At this point, I think it is safe to say homeboy knows you are sexually into him and attracted to him, it is like the white elephant in the room. Well I say shoot the f**cking elephant and nail it’s flipping carcass on your damn living room wall lol! In other words the only healthy way for friends to deal with a hidden issue in their relationship is to bring it out into the light and talk about it. If he is genuinely concerned about your feelings and your friendship then he will find away to work through the issue with you. It could also strengthen your relationship with him and release you to be open to the possibilities of relationships with other people while still keeping your friendship in tact. I think that Work Wolf on some level respects you for your honesty, and personal integrity, so be honest with him.
I must warn you however, that each option I presented carries a multitude of emotional and professional risks, and there are also a multitude of possible positive emotional benefits to having such a discussion with Work Wolf,. However honestly, you alone must weigh the cost before you decide what to do, but I just don’t think it is emotional healthy for you to continue along the emotional path you are currently on with Work Wolf. Finally, I strongly suggest that you keep looking for a therapist who you can process face to face your thoughts and feelings not only about “Work Wolf.” but also about all the losses in your life, because you are still grieving over them I hope this helps.
^thank you for this comment.
i wanted to tell him yesterday,
but my spirit didn’t think it was time.
im sure it will come up soon.
Did work wolf know the guy was checkin him out or did you tell him.
You definately are giving him insight in to a reality he has no idea about. I dont think he is gay but i do know guys who fuck hoes alot are easily influenced to experience new things. He never thought about it but im sure he will now, not because its his thing but because its something he never thought of as an option. If you tell him you like him it can go alot of ways one way is him knowing he has other options. I know guys wouldn’t pursue a guy but if there is someone they are comfortable with they just might. That is if they have any curiosity or desire though. If they dont they might get weirded out. He views you as his friend and probably feels you view him the same. He may know u find him attractive but may not think you want him in that way. Telling him may change your dynamic, in what way idk. Its def a risk and you have to ask yourself what is your reason for telling him and are you prepared to handle the outcome.
Personally i think you should tell him no matter the result because like the last poster said you will be questioning his every move and saying to see if there is some underlying attraction. I think your attraction to him is too strong and thats gon drive you crazy not knowing if he is a possibility.
Y’know, this is good advice, but I think it depends on the person and the severity of the situation. If J is being 100 with us in saying that his attraction to Work Wolf is waning then it might not be as significant to mention it to him, because Jamari’s feelings are changing. I would say it depends on the severity of Jamari’s feelings, if J is still “messed up in the head” over WW than maybe, but if he’s getting to the point where he’s over it, than that is a jeopardizing move IMO.
This isn’t bad advice Jamari, but I would wait this option out until your thoughts are CLEAR about how you feel about WW, otherwise the risk might not outweigh the reward. This would require careful thought on your part if it’s worth it, but he does make a good point in being honest with yourself.
All in all it’s a very bold and risky move.
I so agree with what you said. However i dont think Jamari’s feelings are fading. I think Jamari is making himself feel that way because work wolf may actually not be an option in that way. Its like a way of saving face and coping.
Maybe, that would be for Jamari to decide what the truth is about how he really feels. I don’t want to put words in his mouth though.
Knowing the depth of your feelings would be important here though.
Yeah, the more I read these the more I’m thinking friendship is the best path for you two. I know you’re still turned on by him but you’re right something about the fact that he said he would feel disgusted did speak volumes. If you guys did hook up he would probably be so shocked up by it he would distanced himself from you, and that would hurt even more.
This has given me a different perspective of you guys relationship. I say keep him in the friend zone he seems like a cool dude.
Wow! I commend your boldness Jamari! It’s definitely good to get some closure on that front. Yeah it sees you can never let him have the buns, if you get caught up with him, he will drop you like a bad habit with the quickness. It’s not worth losing what you guys have.
It must be weird though. I’m sure at first the main reason you’d hang out with him at first was because of the attraction, and now that that element is being peeled away bit by bit, the relationship has evolved into something else. Must be bittersweet!
^yeah and no d.
he turns me on,
but he also does things I would be turned off about.
Damn Jamari dats what im talkin bout! Ask dem bold ass questions thats how u get answers. To be honest i think he actually is genuinely straight. By his answers i dont even think he is curious. It seems he actually is comfortable around you and interacts with you because there are no sexual intentions on his end. I mean at this point he could have been made a move yall convos would easily go there if he was curious. So idk but its clear there is a real friendship there that appears to be equaling and evening on both sides. Thats the most important thing. Im a lil jealous cuz none of my str8 niggas know bout me so cudos for finding something rare. Keep it platonic and all will be fine.
^i refuse to lose his friendship over thottish behavior.
shit I’d rather the fine wolf when we left or the one who was checking out work wolf with his girlfriend.
i peeped him all in work wolf’s face as he walked by.
he was fine too.
Oh that’s good Jamari, it’s good to hear you’ve got some closure on this, this is why it’s good to let these obscure guys lead lol. If they’re more open then go for it, but his recent behaviour has been too questionable to risk your friendship over.
Now hopefully you can just have a friendship without feeling like you want something more, I’m sure that would make things so much easier for you!
I’m happy for you J! I’m loving your final thoughts on this. Very sensible.
I like you guys as friends and I love the fact that he is comfortable being friends with you regardless of the fact that he’s straight and you’re gay. It was cool of him to ask you about your dating life. I need a straight friend like that lol. I’m glad he caught you checking out that other guy when you all left the restaurant lol.
^that dude was finnnnnneeeee!!!
his body was absolutely amazing.
he was handsome.
I was soaked.
Lol!
You and that damn gif. Haha. Glad he feels comfortable talking with you. Sometimes it’s just nice to have another person to talk to.
^he doesn’t seem to have a lot of people he can talk to like me.
im glad he is able to let his guard down and be himself.
I think he’s interested. There is def curiosity there
^i feel if this is the case.
he has never messed with a dude before.
that “disgusted” comment spoke volumes at what would happen after.
Idk just seems like someone who shows you a lot of attention. Besides you never know what may happen. Props to you for behaving I feel as though I would be so wet just having him so close ha ha
I had a childhood friend who when we reconnected as adults told me that if any man would ever come on to him that he would take out his gun and shoot him. The problem with his statement that he worked in Law enforcement and had a real gun. Several months later for whatever reasons he disclosed to me that he had two sexual experiences with men. I never took the bait to inquire any further about his statement. With regards to “Work Wolf,” I don’t think he is deflecting anything, because he don’t really need to feel you out to see if you are open to having sex with a man, because he already knows what’s up with you. I also think that he is a**hole enough to just come out and ask you for sex if he wanted it.
I just think he made a sincere but insensitive and immature statement about how he feels about having sex with another man. It was probably also his reflective and underlying homophobia asserting itself in the moment,After all you kind of put him on the spot with your question, and I venture a guess that if he took time to think before he spoke ,he would have probably responded differently without making an indictment on how you choose to express your sexuality.
He gave you his two “out” scenarios, so if the situation happened, that would be his explanation/excuse.
He said, “I don’t THINK I could’ and “I never thought about it”. Easy outs if ever there were ones to use.
^what do you mean?
was he deflecting?