for my foxholers who been in toxic and abusive relationships,
i got a question for ya’ll:

When did you know you were done?

i can imagine it was a feeling,
right?
like,
something inside just snapped and you felt the feeling of being fed up.
that jackal you thought you loved just didn’t feel the same anymore.
its that feeling of…

“I have been doing this and nothing is changing.
It’s moments of back and forth,
fighting and making up,
but it’s like a constant merry go around of bullshit.
We have been on this ride together and I finally want to get off.
I’m not happy,
I don’t look or feel like myself,
and I’m finally over it.
Over this. “

you don’t even feel sad either!
you feel like you want to be free.
you finally feel like you want better.

I feel similar to that,
especially after today’s session in therapy.

therapy really broke me down today.
my mind had been on everything i spoke to my therapist about.
we are on “changing self concept” which has been hard for me.

while i was listening to music tonight,
i felt a familiar feeling that i haven’t felt in a few years.
it was the feeling of motivation to make changes in my life.

I’m headed towards the feeling one has when they realize they’re finally over it.

the feeling i’ve had when the war inside ended with past wolves,
my sister,
my father,
“friends“,
and circumstances.
i have been fighting/grieving people/things that i’m ready to let go.

I’m finally ready to moving forward.

you might be feeling down,
lost,
and comfortable in some toxic shit.
you’ll know when you are tapped out from giving your all.
you’ll know when you’ve had enough.
you’ll know when that feeling clicks inside.
that’s when you know you’re ready to fuck shit up.