i feel like God or whoever is setting up my life to die.
i don’t know what my purpose is here anymore.
i feel like i’ve failed.
bad enough,
i have a mind that works against me.
it makes me see things differently.
it makes me hate myself or blame myself for everything.
it makes me feel like i am not enough or i did things wrong.
guys,
i’m really tired.
i’m just really really tired.
i feel like i’ve been fighting for my place and it seems way out of my grasp.
i keep seeing my mother in dreams and i miss her.
i see people from my past in dreams and i kinda miss them.
they are all living these amazing lives and here i am,
struggling to make ends meet.
struggling to wake up every day to find joy again.
i dunno if i wanna do this anymore because maybe,
it’s not designed for me to win.
i’ve been chewed up and spit out more times than i can imagine.
i’m easily left or thrown in the trash like i don’t matter.
yet,
when i’m needed,
i’m there.
i give and i give but it means nothing.
people just take and take and move on.
i keep wondering did i hurt people?
am i receiving karma?
am i a horrible person?
am i stupid?
was my family right?
i’m just stupid?
hell,
this could all be my fault.
i dunno anymore.
i wanted to get this off my chest in the most honest way possible.
I do agree with everyone’s sentiments here, Jamari. Everything’s gonna be alright. And everything’s gonna work out this time. For you, Jamari. You’ve just been experiencing a season of hardship. But just remember, it’s only a season. And eventually the season will end. One day soon here. I’m speaking it into existence. And you will make it through it on the other side of it successfully. And much stronger. We know it hurts. And you feel like it’s over, but it’s not. You’ve been planted. And in the darkness, The Most High is keeping, protecting and watering you. To grow. Because when you do grow and begin to bust out and spring forth, you will be a force to be reckoned with. We love you. And The Lord loves you more. It’s gonna be alright. Let us know how we can help you. 🙏🏾♥️🙌🏾✨💯
Glad you got out of this funk. That’s what it is. Depression is an unfortunately, too common thread once blk gay men hit a certain age. You just gotta keep showing up man. You got this!
Everything you said is true! 💯 Especially about when we all do hit a certain age. It’s as if superficial things don’t move us anymore. And we desire to have something deeper. But that’s why we call on The Most High.
In my spirit, I feel as though it’s a reason why we’re all here, for the few of us that’s here. Particularly during THIS post. *(You Jason Bourne, Myself, Khalil31, KoCo Jai, Aqua Boogie).
I propose and think we should form a support group. With just us six, including Jamari. We can do check ins with each other. And support one another when we need to. Just as the Women do. What do y’all think?
What’s a good platform for us to begin doing this? Hmmm. 🧐
Okay, I’m thinking Instagram Threads would be a good place to start. Follow me, IG: ochayeo (Kary). And I’ll follow you back. And then we can add & follow each other on Threads. And begin interacting with each other. I’m posting this under the comments to the other people who I just named here too.
What do you think?
I agree with the above compliments and comments.
That feeling of emptiness is a spiritual attack. You are a nurturer, a giver, no doubt your largesse has sustained many.
Jamari, just pray and cast your cares, if you can, on God. You are loved and you are not forgotten. We see you and I don’t know you, but thru your musings on here, but I think of you! I know those out of whack feelings that you feel: today is one of those days for me. Envision yourself living and existing in peace and it will come to fruition. And I’m going to take the advice I’m giving you and use it too.❤️❤️❤️❤️
Amen. 🙏🏾♥️🙌🏾✨💯
In my spirit, I feel as though it’s a reason why we’re all here, for the few of us that’s here. Particularly during THIS post. *(You Khalil31, Myself, Jason Bourne, KoCo Jai, Aqua Boogie).
I propose and think we should form a support group. With just us six, including Jamari. We can do check ins with each other. And support one another when we need to. Just as the Women do. What do y’all think?
What’s a good platform for us to begin doing this? Hmmm. 🧐
Okay, I’m thinking Instagram Threads would be a good place to start. Follow me, IG: ochayeo (Kary). And I’ll follow you back. And then we can add & follow each other on Threads. And begin interacting with each other. I’m posting this under the comments to the other people who I just named here too.
What do you think?
Aren’t you k AND khalil?
I’m not against a network, I was just confused.
Jason Bourne
I have no idea who K is😏. He is quite loquacious.
Always remember…..In our weakness His strength is made PERFECT 🙏🏿 U are NOT a failure!!! U just hit a bump in the road…and that’s life,we all have done it!!! U are destined for GREATNESS!!! U are and have done something must people will never be able to do!! If u know it or not…. Your blog is a safe haven for a lot of us black and brown queer boys and girls to be able to come here and express ourselves and not be judged!! U are a KING and u wear your 👑 well!!!! I may not know u personally, but I can say Blessings to u and I love u King Jamari 💙👑💙👑
Amen. 💯
In my spirit, I feel as though it’s a reason why we’re all here, for the few of us that’s here. Particularly during THIS post. *(You KoCo Jai, Myself, Khalil31, Jason Bourne, Aqua Boogie).
I propose and think we should form a support group. With just us six, including Jamari. We can do check ins with each other. And support one another when we need to. Just as the Women do. What do y’all think?
What’s a good platform for us to begin doing this? Hmmm. 🧐
Okay, I’m thinking Instagram Threads would be a good place to start. Follow me, IG: ochayeo (Kary). And I’ll follow you back. And then we can add & follow each other on Threads. And begin interacting with each other. I’m posting this under the comments to the other people who I just named here too.
What do you think?
In my spirit, I feel as though it’s a reason why we’re all here, for the few of us that’s here. Particularly during THIS post. *(You KoCo Jai, Myself, Jason Bourne, Khalil31, Aqua Boogie).
I propose and think we should form a support group. With just us six, including Jamari. We can do check ins with each other. And support one another when we need to. Just as the Women do. What do y’all think?
What’s a good platform for us to begin doing this? Hmmm. 🧐
Okay, I’m thinking Instagram Threads would be a good place to start. Follow me, IG: ochayeo (Kary). And I’ll follow you back. And then we can add & follow each other on Threads. And begin interacting with each other. I’m posting this under the comments to the other people who I just named here too.
What do you think?
I look forward to reading your blog and can’t imagine not seeing anymore of your posts, your stories and your wit. You are not a failure; you’re going through a temporary situation, repeat TEMPORARY. I know you will make it thru, but YOU have to know you’ll make it thru. Stay and encouraged and take care! ❤
Yes, I do agree. He will. As we all will too. Amen. 💯♥️🙏🏾