I was supposed to have a little brother.
He died in my mother’s womb.
I often wonder how his birth,
rather than my sisters,
would have changed the trajectory of my life?
i get a sense of dread when the holidays start to pull up.
if i have no plans,
the FOMO hits me hard.
i had thee best thanksgiving OOO.
karaoke’s family made me feel like i was part of their own.
it was a traditional black southern thanksgiving.
plans fell through for me to go down there again this year.
so the day of thanksgiving,
i had a pretty chill day.
the day after?…
I got hit with a sense of sadness out of nowhere.
it happened because i saw a streamer i watch,
making thanksgiving dinner with her family.
everyone was involved in cooking and bonding.
it felt cozy.
i started to yearn for my mother,
wishing i had more siblings.
i realized that my traditional caribbean family has never been like others.
everyone has always been scattered about or had beef.
I hate my family is so cold and standoffish.
I hate my family are held hostage by a cult of a religion.
i really hate that i didn’t have the traditional close knit family.
this is what makes holidays suck for me.
it hate that i’d rather be in another family than my own.