today,
i decided to take a “me day”.
i’ve been feeling depressed,
but i feel like i might be coming down with something too.
after i wrote the first entry,
i took a benadryl and knocked out.
when i awoke,
i escaped into the world of “good tv“.
you know i love a good binge.
i started with “blackish” and “this is us” after.
the show ended 30 minutes ago,
but i couldn’t get my shit together because i was crying so hard.
(some light spoilers ahead)…
i gotta font that i didn’t care for toby.
he got on my last nerves.
it’s funny how i thought he always had a joke for everything,
but this episode revealed why he would do it.
when he was younger,
he had to use humor to help his mother out of her depression.
in doing so,
he ended up becoming depressed.
most comedians tend to be that way.
toby learned to tell jokes to help others,
but ended up neglecting his own problems along the way.
once he stopped taking his medication to help kate,
his depression came back full tilt boogie.
that really made me see toby much differently than before.
i’m looking forward to seeing more of his story.
i cried when it came to beth tho.
she is actually my favorite character on the show.
she got fired from her career of 12 years.
she started working with the company from the ground up.
you think you’re a valuable asset,
with years under your belt,
and they get rid of you under the disguise of “budget cuts”.
when you’re black,
and your co workers are majority white,
you learn really quick where you stood within the company.
I.
KNOW.
THAT.
ALL.
TOO.
WELL.
beth decided to jump back into the job market shortly after.
when she went to an interview,
she started to cry.
why?
She didn’t grieve the loss of the last situation
i cried because i understood it.
think that’s why i’m feeling so depressed nowadays.
when i thought i found something great recently,
they hit me with something that felt like racism.
beth really got me with that scene in the office.
that was literally a page out of my own story line.
i can’t wait to see where this show goes for the rest of the season.
“this is us” continues to surprise me.
lowkey: i love how they’re “going there” with the race issues too.
they are calling out white folks and it’s interesting to watch.
What resonated for me was the segue around 15 min mark where young Randall’s brush with racism on his prom date then cuts to his current political run. It beautifully shows how one event informs another, our younger self informs the older, still trying to resolve the same issue. Loving too Jack and Kate’s similar emotional journeys. I kinda wish Randall would act outside of the existing infrastructure/systems and use his skill set. I should take my own advice as well
I was let go from a job where i was probably the hardest worker there…I’m convinced that it should mandatory that jobs offer some kind of counseling to people when they let them go.
I’ve been Toby all my life. It’s sad how people who naturally make every one else feel better about themselves and what they are going through are the ones who battle a fight they can’t even articulate to anyone else
I got laid off back to back and trained my replacements. About not grieving it, I stayed “strong” and one day when talking about the job, broke down so angry and had to fight back tears when talking to my friend. It’s okay to feel. Bottling it up is what ages us. We’re not robots. But don’t use mourning as an excuse to not push forward. Look at is as references for your next opportunity 🙂