15 thoughts on “They Say Crazy Sex Is Better Anyway”

1. I actually skipped over this post when I first saw it, and I am just now coming to it this morning. Let me tell you that this post has spoke to me deep down in my sanctified spirit as the old Saints use to say. Damn its like this post is the final exam of the degree of your life, like all the other post on the foxhole you have been studying for the last 4 years and this one wraps it all up. Damn J you have outdid yourself. I am going to tell you something right F’in now you need to put whatever you doing on hold and start today to write not a novel but a young Black men self help book about dealing with Black gay life in this millennium. Even if you have to write this on your laptop and self publish it, please do, as we said before you have a voice, that needs to be heard. This post right here Bro has sealed the deal, if you write nothing else. This should be given to ever 17 year old Black gay youth on the verge of adulthood in this crazy gay life.

   This life has left me so broken at times, I didnt know if I was going or coming. I think I have had so many false starts that I can only picture myself in a good situation in my fantasies only. I dont want to take the chance to make them a reality because in my mind its going to come with a terrible cost of pain an misery. I like many wish I could start this shit over and do it different, but alas I wouldnt be the wise person I am today if I hadnt made all those damn mistakes. I have let maybe a few good ones get away and kept a few bad ones around much too long.

   I look at my str8 homeboys and their lives are so damn simple and they dont worry about shit until they get caught with another Hoe. They still have the opportunity to meet someone in so many settings, that we will never have. I cant see a str8 App that you meet people with as trifling as Jack’d and Grindr. When str8 people meet someone cool, they try to lock them down whether they are male or female. It’s like in this gay life, when you meet a somewhat decent dude who is employed, got his own place, nice on the eyes, good convo etc, 2 weeks in, you find out this pineapple goes to raw sex parties and has slept with everybody in the city, or ruined his last lovers credit and the list goes on. It’s like how many damn times do I have to go through this B.S. to have companionship. I try to expand my horizons and go to events that are away from the Gay social scene and find myself being hit on by all the lonely older str8 females who look at me as a great catch, and hell I am there on the low looking at some of the brothers they are checking out. Hell you just cant win LOL! I cant totally say that I dont have opportunities to meet gay black dudes, because I do but of course it always the ones who you never have a connection with or ones who come on way too strong that immediately turn you off from the jump.

   All I know is that I am tired and have ran out of steam to keep doing this. I think so many of us have come to the reality that we are probably going to be alone, having a fling every now and then and just being content living life with friends and family. I have found the older I get more love and deeper connections with my str8 friends. I find alot of gay dudes are so focused on the manhunt that they cant be good friends to you because their energy goes to the man of the moment or they view you as competition to their man of the moment so most of your gay connections are superficial at best. Personally, I have even found my close gay friends will put you down for a man, and always come back crying when the shit goes sour. This Black Gay Life is something else for real.

2. Whew what a negative post! And the comments. You young motherfuckers don’t realize how blessed you are to live in an Era when being gay is getting to be no big deal. To love someone and be in a successful relationship you have to love yourself. Learn to be happy alone. Stop looking so hard. Volunteer. I was a Big Brother and homeless volunteer and women’s shelter volunteer for a decade. When you see how bad some folks have it you will appreciate your life more. Thank God for every blessing you have, even that pack of ramen noodles in the back of the cupboard when your groceries run low. Stop watching Housewives of Atlanta and give social media a break. 75 percent of that shit is fantasy. Join some gay organizations and help the cause. And my philosophy has always been if you meet someone you want to have sex with go do it. No strings. Be safe. If it is meant to develop further it will. Broaden your horizons and date someone you normally wouldnt. That’s how I began with my partner Van who is a bit more fem than my liking but is one of the most supportive and sexually open men I have met.

   1. ^so I have a question for you:

      Were YOU always at this point?

      even when you were d/l and finding yourself,
      you had your insecurities and frustrations.
      some of us deal with the journey better than others.
      some even have a better support system.
      some have to be a mess to get the message.
      for many,
      it isn’t easy.
      for me,
      I am a work in progress.
      guess what the beauty is?
      the learning.
      the pain.
      the struggle.
      the letting go.
      it can be ugly and it can be “negative”,
      but you can still be doing all the things you listed and be in hell.

      thank you for the suggestions tho because I’ll def look into them.
      as always,
      you leave love that is tough,
      but still needed!

3. Reading this makes me grateful for being a weirdo, but it does have moments where I wish I wasn’t a freak because no one really want to hangout with you. Unless it sex.

4. You know it would easier if we actually supported each on some level, but we let superficial shit and sex put us at each other’s throats.

   Then everyone wants to say the same “I don’t hang with other gay guys because they’re measy” line.

   I can tell you one thing. I’m not a very trusting person in general, but I’m extremely distrustful of men!

   You have to earn every cell of trust with me.

   I believe wholeheartedly Id be a better person and in a better place in life overall if I wasnt attracted to men.

   1. ^i often say to myself:

      “This is what vixens be talking about.
      This is the fuck shit we as men do.”

      at least they get to experience it.
      as much as they complain,
      they can go get a man.
      I hate when they say it’s not easy.
      Like hoe yes it is!
      unless she real ugly lol
      And even the ugly females pulling fine ass guys.

   2. I can agree with this…

5. I think we’re all a little cray cray, sometimes you have to be dealing with this life style. This reminds me of a sex and the city episode where Carrie is complaining about how New York has nothing but freaks and weirdosfor men. She starts dating a guy who seems perfect and that in turn make her want to find something negative about him. She gets caught snooping in his stuff and in turn make her look like a oddball to him than she realizes everyone dealing with love is odd to someone one.

   We rarely see the storybook ending when it comes to Gay love, only on shows like Noah’s arc or other scripted series. In our minds said we have to do things a certain way or take what we can get because that’s all we know. Unless you live somewhere like San Francisco or another heavily populated gay area The chances on finding the one or the dream are nearly impossible. So we take the “straight” wolf who only lets us suck his dick and that’s it, the guy who’s fine as hell but broke with no job or car, or the guy who nice outside but a devil behind close doors because it’s hard to find the dream one and you don’t want to give up on that dream because you feel you deserve it. In turn making a lot of us Cray Cray.

   1. ^LOVE THIS COMMENT!!!!!

   2. I agree with this as well.

6. Very good. Lots of unanswered questions with the lifestyle. However, as one who grew up in ATL during his twenties (eh hem), I have seen the whole scene change with the birth of those “adam4adam” “bcglive” “men4now” “craigslist” now “grindr” and “jack’d” sites. They have placed whoredom at our fingertips. Horny youngings and other people sitting at home half naked shopping around for dick and ass or both in the comfort of their homes. You dont have to go to the ‘store” to shop anymore, just let it come to you. Its like ordering lunch, you have plenty of choices each day. Yes im single, but have a regular tune-up guy for years (he aint shit and his babies and shit but 6 years and counting is okay for me for now) and I am not in the mood for gay drama at 35 y.o. Thank you and good day.

   1. But additionally, yes, this $#!+ will drive you crazy if you let it. I have a friend that has had 3 boos in the last 6 months. What a waste of time if you still not with them. My momma told me that you always take a lil piece/spirit of that person whom with you share juices(sex) or whatever–so too many “spirit exchanges” may indeed lead to a weak brain/body and you dont know how to act around anyone cause you forgotten about how your original pre-exposed “self” really is. Can you remember how you were before you took that step into the life? I sure cant, but I bet I was a tender lil fox pure and untainted, lol >>>>

      1. “Spirit exchanges”?

         I’ve been laughing at that wording for nearly 10 minutes.

         Glorious.

      2. ^ive heard that.
         someone can transfer their negative energy into you…

      3. Amen!

         I think that’s what broke me down.

         Id give anything to be naive and believe in happy endings again smh

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