wanting to be seen as nice is actually being emotionally manipulative.
i am now starting to realize that.
took me long enough.
sure,
it’s great to be genuine out in these forests.
blessings upon blessings,
but that should always come from the heart.
this is why i don’t like the word “nice”.
it’s used in a manipulative context.
one that i use to do and didn’t realize.
so i was talking to my home vixen yesterday…
we got to talking about her ex and why they stopped getting along.
her ex is a people pleaser and wants everyone to like him.
so he’ll say yes,
even though he feels otherwise,
just to be accepted.
the crazy part is he’ll talk shit about what he had to do,
even though he agreed to do it in the first place.
i use to be that.
folks would ask me to go out when i didn’t feel like it
putting up with bad treatment because i didn’t want to be alone
doing drugs so i can look cool
probably fucked someone and didn’t really want to
i was a mess out here.
it all came from a place of insecurity.
it started with my parents.
they made me feel bad for not doing something.
when i went to school,
i was looking for acceptance there.
i wanted to look like i was a “loyal” fox to those around me.
so i became extra “nice” just to keep the peace.
where are all those folks now?
i learned that it’s much better to be true to yourself.
the ones who speak up and don’t give a fuck are the true heroes.
Learn “The Ministry of No”
i learned that phrase today watching td jakes.
it means to say “no” and be genuine about it.
if you don’t agree with something,
be honest enough to say it and mean it.
it can also mean cussing someone out to the white meat for disrespect.
i choose ignore since God has been working on me,
but i can still go full rabid fox and maul a bit.
life is so freeing when you live on your terms.
it can be a lonely path at times,
but i’d rather that than wearing myself ragged trying to be nice.
lowkey: it’s emotionally manipulating to be told “yes” too.
“yes folks” will have you out here looking crazy.
i like pain.
always tell me the truth.
Great post.
There is definitely levels to it, I’m still trying to not be nice but I feel like it’s going to be a lifetime journey of getting comfortable with saying no flat out and meaning it. I’m not as bad as I was but I’m no where close to where I want to be. Not to sound Judgmental but I’m surround by people who have made certain decisions that can or have made their life a little harder be it having kids, being with a ain’t shit pineapple, or not having the parental support I have.
I help because I truly want to and I’ve never had to struggle in those ways, I don’t know if it’s empathy, compassion, sympathy, or a combination of all three that propels me to be this way. I don’t know what life will throw at me and even though I have the hardest time asking for help from others I would like to think if I did it someone who be able to help me out.
^its baby steps mikey.
trust me,
i know.
i catch myself falling into the nonsense,
but i gotta remember:
1) is this going to make me happy or fulfilled?
2) am i doing it to make someone like me due to an insecurity?
you can genuinely help/be there people,
but don’t run yourself ragged.
Honestly this is such an amazing piece that I’ve literally been dealing with all my life saying no and making piece with not being the giver all the time.
^its okay to be selfish about YOU.
it took me time to realize that,
but it’s truth.
plus,
i think nice is used to negatively describe someone.
once you aren’t nice anymore,
they’re dragging your name through the mud.