i am not liked.
that sentence was hard for me to accept tbh.
some people have made it pretty clear that they don’t accept me.
for years,
i tried to be a perfectionist when it came to people.
i was trained that way by a family who cared what people thought.
i’ve always tried to find love and acceptance within the crowd.
alas,
i wasn’t like everyone else even though i tried to be.
once i got hurt a few times,
i was battling between people-pleasing and not gaf.
i became assertive and not with the bullshit.
from jobs to people from my past,
i became unliked yet unforgettable.

I have the magical power of keeping some people pressed.

i realized something after a conversation yesterday…

people who speak up for themselves are often disliked.
we con people into:

“Speak your truth!”
“Don’t back down!”
“Stand up for yourself.”

…but when they do it,
we say they aren’t “playing the game” or “they are doing too much”.
or better yet:

They had to check us and we are offended.

when you choose the path of speaking up for yourself,
you automatically become the villain.
when you chose to be unapologetically authentic,
you are too real amongst the circle of the unreals.
you wanna know why people have to be my friend in secret?
why do some males want to be with me on the low?
why do some folks read this website on the lowest of lows?

It’s because they like me and they’re around people who have a problem with me.

the thing is:

I’m not a bad person.

i’m actually quite loving.
even though i don’t want to believe it,
i am a leader in some aspects.
i’ll stand up for anyone that i respect.
there are some things i’ll let slide because i’m a “knower“.
other things,
i will confront someone about.

‘If you don’t do your own talking in this town,
someone will do it for ya.” – Martha Mitchell, Gaslit

i’m not saying you need to address every slight against you.
those people are insufferable.

you’ll start to look like you can’t hold water or are difficult to be around.
when you stand up for yourself or say things that others stay silent about,
you will make some people’s fur stand up.
you won’t get the invites.
you will get ignored.
you won’t be the “hero” in many stories.

You will not be liked.

…and when you reach your evolved pokemon level of “outta fucks”,
you’ll become the hero to those who desperately need a voice.

lowkey: well-behaved foxholers rarely make history.